Please Help 2 potential fathers

[jemnea93]

Please dont judge me i have judged myself enough this is tearing me apart and would absolutely break my partners heart who is so excited for the baby i have all my dates in a timeline for you if anyone can advise me in anyway here goes.. basically first day of LMP was 6th nov normal 28 day cycle - conception calculator tells me i would of ovulated on the 20th nov
Had private scan on 24th dec putting me at 6week 5days - conception calculator tells me from these dates i concieved on the 22nd nov
Had nhs scan 12th jan putting me at 9week 5days - conception calculator tells me from these dates i concieved on the 19th nov

I only had sex with my partner once in that time frame which was bang on the 20th of nov so all dates add up but before that on the 15th nov i made a huge mistake and had unprotected sex with another man and i have heard sperm can stay inside a woman for a week which would mean that the other man could potentially be my babies father ??

Please can anybody help me im going out of my mind please

You want it to be your partners bug there is no way of telling. Thst is why what you did was so unwise. Did you not think of the consequences.

The double standards here is appalling, if a man done this their would be uproar but when a woman does this by cheating on her partner and wants to pass a baby off as her partners is disgraceful. Hes non the wiser and will think the baby is his, completely shameful deceitful behaviour. It would be totally different if she slept with 2 men and she was single but this lady was in a relationship and cheated.

My Dates were changed at the 12 week
Scan to bring forward the date by 5 days even though I'm 100% on date of conception as it was Ivf - you can't rely on the scan to tell you who the father is

And yeah you need to tell your partner. You've put him at risk of sexually transmitted infections not to mention he needs to know who his "partner" is really is 🤷‍♀️

If a man got two women pregnant within weeks of each other he would condemned to the fires of hell. But if it's a woman it's pat on the head. There there now.

I hate to rock the boat but studies show that sperm can still be alive 9 days after sex. This was proven repeatedly in a study where a series of women were inseminated the evening before they had a hysterectomy. Scientists could then observe the extracted uterus and they observed live Sperm 9 whole days later. Not only that, the uterus has crypts that store sperm and then release and waft it towards the egg closer to ovulation. So this baby could very likely be either man's.

The only thing you can do is either take a dna test or be honest with your partner and wait and see. You won't have ruined your relationship for nothing if it turns out to be his, you will have have told the truth and while that may hurt you- it will hurt him much more to find out that it is not his child at the hospital.

An article explaining how long semen can survive. Very interesting stuff.

aeon.co/essays/the-idea-that-sperm-race-to-the-egg-is-just-another-macho-myth?fbclid=IwAR1EKMwV51EXWKBgV4w05wsOA_D0vTW6IQqxn7sHSRmCwR6jDlfSDiQM4lE

Prenatal dna is around 1000 pound there is no way i can afford as that is nearly my whole monthly wage and have budgeted the cost of baby stuff to be around 1000 already which i have to afford between now and the birth
Dna after birth is only around 70pound that is way affordable but ita waiting til then i love my partner we have been tpgether years this is both of our first babies
When i made that awful mostake 3 months ago me and my partners relationship had been in a bad way for a couple of months and that resulted in a horrendous fight and me leaving him for 2 days i was in a awful state emptionally and had been drinkkng to numb my feelings on the night i selfishly met up with the second man i felt sick after and douches inside we got back togethwr the day after they are the only two nights i have slept away feom him in years i hate myswlf for what i have dome please dont make this any worse talking about stis and stuff like that i am clean and this is not something i just casually do all the time these few months have been hell I actually went for early medical abortipn brought the tablets home but just couldnt bring myself to take them incase it is my husbands baby i cant just kill him or her
My head is a mess sorry guys i have not told this to a sicgle person just a big dark secret until i made this post

So you're going potentially allow you're do to think he's going to be a father, plan and buy stuff, go to scans and be present at the birth and he might not be the father. I'm sorry that is out of order. You need to tell him and you need an sti he deserves to know you cheated.

You say both you and the man you cheated with are white and your partner is Iranian? In that case it certainly won't be obvious after the birth as the baby may take after you and be white. If it had been the other way that may have been more obvious. Have you not seen articles with twins who are one black one white?

yesyoudoknowme just encourage op to hide the fact the baby could not potentially be her dhs that's OK then

You need to tell your partner and you both need to be screened for sexually transmitted diseases. This could potentially have an impact on the health of your baby as well. I'm sorry you are in such a shitty, stressful situation but you really need to come clean

So what are your plans? Have a dna test after the baby is born and hope he/she is your partners?

What if the test shows the baby is from this other man? Will you tell your partner or keep it from him? Will you tell the other man he has a child?

It does not matter to you what my plans are now next month or next year the question i am asking right now is what the probability of paternity is with either men so can i please olny have replies relating to the conception please not the rest of the background

I was screened for STIS on the first midwife appointment as standard which some of u must already know as procedure... and IT WAS CLEAN now last thing am gona say to anbody about the discussion of any bloody stis

I'd not rely on online ovulation calculators. My lmp was 26/02 and dtd 05/03, only time that month and now have a 6yo. So it's not an exact science. Is there any chance the other guy would pay for the test and you could rule him in or out? Good luck.

No one knows. It’s unclear what you’re expecting anyone to say. And you’re being ridiculous splashing your dirty laundry over a forum used by millions of people and expecting pats on the head or biological certainty as to the parentage of this baby. You can tell people not to express judgement as much as you like but it’s unrealistic. Your partner has a right to know who he’s sleeping with and if it might not be his baby.

Have you had an STD check since you shagged the other guy? If not you have no way of being sure you haven’t caught anything that could affect your pregnancy or your partner.

X post on STDs. That’s good. But you’d want to know if he was sleeping with other people, especially having unsafe sex, then with you.

@Yourmomgoestocollege do you have short cycle i no my cycles are atleast 28 days sometimes up to 32 day long
Does that mean im less likely to get pregnant so close to the end of my period because my cylces are longer
The other man was 4 days after my period ended so around 9 days after first day of LMP
Husband was 14 days after first day of lmp

No one going to tell you what you want to hear. You behaved appalling leaving 2 days isn't an excuse to jump into bed with someone. Be decent a tell him, something like that could really mess with someone's mental health. You basically want to brush it under the rug.

I don't think so but have never done ovulation tests so couldn't say when I ovulate with any certainty. Usually 28-32 days if that helps.

I thought this forum was for support maybe not thankyou to the few non judgemental replied xx

Nobody can give the definitive answer you are looking for, so it's no good dictating the replies you want.
Only a DNA test will tell you.
If you can't find the money before the baby is born, then there's not much anyone can help you with.

@AnneLovesGilbert Wouldnt exactly say im expecting a pat on the head loke

@jemnea93 Everyone makes mistakes and has a story to tell no judgement here! I think this is literally a 50/50 situation and impossible for a definite answer until DNA. If ovulation was 19th and with husband 20th that would be after ovulation (egg only survives 24hours) and only 4 days before with other man(sperm can survive up to 5days).
You obviously didnt want or expect this situation to happen and I hope u manage to get some support!
Good luck x

What do you want people to say pander to its ok hun. You shagged someone else behind you're husbands backand you're pregnant he deserves to know you clearly want people to work out the impossible so you don't have to disclosed the truth to him, its disgusting behaviour. Just because you're female doesn't give you license to treat someone like that. Imagine if he found out the child wasn't his after raising it how devastating it would be or going through the process getting a nursery buying stuff to find out its not even his baby. Its something off the Jermery Kyle show. I think if you had posted saying you made a mistake and wanted advice in telling him people might have offered you more support but you're clearly trying to avoid being truthful.