Hi ladies.
This is my first time posting here or perhaps on any online forum. I’ve been wanting to discuss my feelings (of regret) but not sure if I was ready to do so with my friends or family. Perhaps avoiding the “I told you so...” type comments or a look of pity or energy filled with pressure to have a baby NOW (as if it were a button one could press).
Speaking of which... I foolishly thought (or convinced myself) that it was that easy, like a button I would press whenever I wanted to have a baby. Of course, reality is not like that...
My husband (42) and I have been married for 5 years and always knew we wanted kids but kept putting it off as husband was building career and travelled a lot for work... and yes we wanted to enjoy our time solo, together alone just the two of us.
Then one day recently it’s like something happened and I realized I’m 37 (though I feel 27 inside). And it hit me... perhaps that train hasjust passed? I don’t know...
We started trying last month and I’ve been using the Clear Blue digital ovulation test (pink ones) which has never shown me that smiley face. Yet we tried within the predicted fertility window, only for me to get my period 3 days ago. Sigh.
I know at my age I can’t expect to get pregnant within a month or two or even six...
I was at the Gyno back in June and he did an ultrasound and all seemed well. Asked me to start trying and come back in October if nothing happened. But we never started trying until January 2020. So much wasted time... I can blame it on covid and before covid on other circumstances or choices we have made, but then what?
Then I find myself in this vicious cycle of blaming myself all day and night long, this voice in my head that perhaps if we had tried in 2016 or 2017 we’d have a baby or two by now... too little too late.
Sorry if that was a bit too long and thank you for whoever has taken the time to read this. Makes me feel heard and less alone.