Hello
First time posting over here, only two months into trying and already doing very poorly in terms of protecting my sanity. This is going to be a bit of a saga so please bear with me.
I'm 30 and I've been pregnant twice before, abortion years ago and missed miscarriage just over 18 months ago. MC happened around 6/7 weeks but was discovered around 10/11. Decided not to try again after MC because I didn't feel ready. Turned 30 in November and started trying December and (in theory) January.
Thought I was pregnant in December - off the booze, feeling sick, the whole enchilada. Though I am very good at making myself feel symptoms that don't exist, so there is that.
Period arrives 5 ish days late (I'm usually regular give or take a day or two either side). Took 5 pregnancy tests during this time, all very squarely negative apart from one Sainsburys blue dye one which provided an evap line (99.9% sure it was an evap - pink line tests did no such thing). During sex on my period the bleeding suddenly got so heavy that it slightly scared me- large clots etc. Period then finished after four days (usually finishes slowly after 5).
My periods have always been long - 35/40 days-ish, so this month I bought the clear blue digital ovulation kit. I was worried about missing my window so peed on an ovulation stick every day. First couple of days it was the empty circle, then went to flashing smiley face, where it has stayed since the 11th of January. Hasn't gone to the peak fertility symbol yet.
12 days ago we had a massive flood at our house and had to move out, most of our belongings were ruined, I've been on the phone to the insurance company 24/7, partner and I bickering a fair amount, suffice to say I've been stressed - more so than usual. We've been living out of bags since then, staying at an airbnb and with my parents (allowed under corona rules because we couldn't live in the sewage flooded flat.)
On Saturday I had the tiniest drop of blood in EGCM. I assumed this was a little ovulation bleed, read that that's a really good sign and started picking out nursery colours in my head.
Last night there was a small amount of pink-brown discharge. Weird, and a bit worrying, but I ignored it and hoped for the best.
This morning I got the flashing smiley face again, though the second line on the stick is a little lighter than previously. The bleeding is more pronounced now and slightly more red brown. It's light - not as heavy as my period usually is. I could go without a tampon / pad and not leak, but then it might be ramping up to be a full period. My periods usually start slow and build up. I've had ovulation twinges over the last week on the left side, and now I've got very gentle twinges.
I've taken two pregnancy tests, both of which seemed to be negative.
Basically, my big question is: what the fuck is going on??
I've got a Dr's apt booked, but I imagine they'll probably say that unless it happens more than once it's probably stress related.
Thanks so much to anyone who makes it to the end of this insanely long post and any ideas helpful. I'm currently obsessing on the idea that this means I'll never be able to have a baby.