Out on month 13 TTC

[Slug123]

Morning all!

AF is a few days late so I tested this morning but, as expected, BFN. That puts us in month 14 of TTC.

I had a temp drop on the same day as some spotting about a week ago, followed by several temp rises, which is completely out of character for me, I have never had any blood between periods in my life and so, unfortunately, I allowed myself to convince myself this was the month. I tested Sunday due to the above and fully expected AF by now, it's also quite rare for her to be late, hence the test this morning.

Just wondered if anyone else out there is 12+ months TTC or if there are any success stories? My day 21 bloods were normal as was my OH's SA and so we've now been told we have to continue trying for another 12 months before we can get any further help but, if I'm honest, I don't know how much longer I can try. It is soul destroying

Hi there, I don't have a success story for you sorry :( I'm cycle 13 currently in the 2ww,had all tests done and even had my tubes checked privately and everything is fine and dandy. I can't get my head round why it would take so long 😭 it's just awful isn't it and once I'm in the 2ww it's all I can think about x

Hi @Missgoldilocks. I haven't had tubes tested but otherwise similar.

Has your OH had a SA done?

AF actually cam yesterday so was 9 days late! That is unheard of for me so has worried me a bit. Since coming off the pill last summer I have had regular 26 day cycles with the occasional 27/28 day so I was really worried.

It is terrible and it's taking over my life. I'm now officially in month 14 and decided to stop trying this month. Going to scrap the OPK's, temping and all of the tracking and just try to enjoy my life again. Going to try and DTD every other day and other than that no conscious TTC anymore.

How many days post ov are you?

@Slug123 yes he's had his SA and all is fine. I'm currently 4dpo so really early but it's so hard to feel positive when you are let down every month as I'm sure you know very well. I guess we think it will happen within the 12 months and even that is hard but to go into year 2 I feel is just heartbreaking. I know we can get a bfp up to the 2 year mark but I think what's scaring me is thinking we might have to get ivf!
Good luck in trying without trying so to speak. I'm currently trying to lose weight in hopes that it will help :/ even tho I have regular cycles and ovulate the same day every month but there you go!

@Missgoldilocks I know exactly what you mean. 12 months was such a big milestone for me. I feel like when AF came that month I just gave up and accepted it won't happen now.

I lost a load of weight over the last few years in preparation for starting to try and I've been the healthiest I ever have since we started trying but it obviously isn't helping :/

@Slug123 to be honest it seems there's no method for this, I fell oregnnat very quickly when I was at my unhealthiest and 9 stone heavier it's madness, now I'm the healthiest I've been too don't smoke etc but nothing, back then I did smoke! I even drank more I hardly ever drink now. It feels very unfair

Sorry to hear this @Slug123.

I don't have a success story for you yet but you're not alone - I got my BFP in our first month TTC, had an early MC and am now on cycle 13 since with nothing to show for it! Have had two lots of day 21 bloods and a full hormonal set all fine, next step is SA but I haven't actually broached that with my DP yet 😬.

Totally know what you mean about 12 months feeling so significant - I thought I'd be pregnant again 3 months after our MC, or by Christmas, or by our original due date but I never for a second imagined I still wouldn't be 12 months later. The stats are so positive for the first 12 months that you can't imagine how on Earth you'll cope waiting 12 months but that it'll absolutely happen by then as you couldn't possibly in that tiny %.

Doesn't the constant pressure to be the healthiest ever for such a long time drive you round the bend too?! I'm generally quite a healthy person, but after so much restriction and beating yourself up for so long it feels so unfair! I've even tried having a few f*ck it weekends of drinking or just giving up based on those stories about women who stopped trying blah blah blah but it never works for me!

@Missgoldilocks I'm a day behind you as 4DPO today, I'll be crossing my fingers for you as we get closer to the end!

Oh and this is so odd @Missgoldilocks but I've just come across your post - I have a polycystic ovary but not PCOS too. I honestly was a bit relieved when it showed up on the scan as I thought they'd give me some magic pill and ta da!

Good luck OP, it's so so hard getting your hopes up every month - it took us 19 months this time, DH just about to have SA done when we got BFP. Xxx

@Missgoldilocks you're right, I've never been overweight as such but I've been super healthy and on slimming world since last January. Not just to get pregnant but I knew it would help.

@Gemster19 I agree, I never thought it would take the full 12 months but also, despite the worrying, knew the odds were in my favour.

I'm fed up of hearing 'you're trying too hard', 'as soon as stop stressing it'll happen'. There's no such thing. I'm trying to have a month off 'trying' this month and I'm on day 5 and have already lost I don't know how much sleep thinking about it!

I'm currently waiting for an ultrasound appointment as the next step but heard nothing yet :/

@GlennRheeismyfavourite glad you got your BFP, gives me some confidence!

Oh god the 'as soon as you stop trying...' brigade need to learn when to keep their mouths shut - they clearly have absolutely no idea how invested in ttc you have to be every single day, whether it's temping, remembering your vitamins, dieting, not drinking, OPKs, symptom spotting lol!

Be kind to yourself, take a break if you need to, but don't beat yourself up if you can't - sometime and somehow we'll all get our chance 💜

@Gemster19 I agree, I know it comes from a good place but they have no idea!

I'm trying to take a break this month but just from everything but the BD'ing