How often to BD?

[AmesK]

Hi all!

Quick question, might be very silly!
I have PCOS so have irregular cycles and temping, OPK’s etc have never worked for me. As I never know when I’m ovulating, I’ve been advised to just BD regularly throughout the cycle.

Is it enough to BD every 3 days? So do the deed on one day, then not for the next two days and then BD again on the 4th day? Or is that not frequent enough?

My job is only 12 hour shifts which means I’m often veryyy tired so don’t have the energy to bd every other day! But will try and increase frequency if this is not enough! :)

Thanks :)

Hi :)

During your most fertile time (when there is EWCM present) sperm can live up to 5 days in the uterus, so every 3 days could be doable. If you feel like you couldn't do every other day or every two days, you'd maybe just have to accept that it could take a little longer given that you may miss your most fertile days here and there. Saying that it's also possible that you might just happen to time it perfectly by chance :) I try to do every other day, especially during fertile window. I'm fresh off the pill and my cycles are haywire at the mo, so it's tricky to time it, but I did finally get a positive OPK a few days ago after two earlier surges that never peaked, but appreciate that you may not get a positive and then timing with work makes it even harder x

@MintGreenLife Thanks for your response :)
Ah I see! I’ve always had so much trouble pinning down my fertile point in the cycle so thought this time, I’ll just BD regularly in the hope that when I ovulate, there should be a sperm waiting. Well, that’s the hope anyway

You mentioned sperm living for up to 5 days during the fertile period. Does that mean outside of that time they don’t live as long, hence the advice to DTD every few days to make sure there’s something there? Thanks xx

@amesk they live up to 5 days regardless of when you do it but the advice is to do it every couple of days for multiple reasons. For one, the chance of you getting pregnant if BD 5 days before ovulation is only like 10% compared to 30% if the before ovulation. Additionally, the closer you are to ovulation the better your CM is for conception - so again in theory the sperm could live for 5 days but if your CM isn't conducive to getting them to the cervix it's less likely to work.

Maybe you could try and aim for every 2 days and it being okay if it's every 3 every once in a while? Or alternate between the two and do 2 days, 3 days, 2 days - as even that would improve your odds?

@AmesK outside of the fertile window they're not meant to survive long without the presence of fertile CM, also your cervix is closed when not fertile, so unlikely many would get into your uterus if at all. The advice to DTD every other day is to give you the best chance of DTD when you have fertile CM, open cervix, and close to ovulation :)

@Juno231 Ahhh I see!! Thanks so much for your reply, it’s helped make sense of it for me :)

I often get frustrated because I feel like I have no idea what’s going on with my body but you’ve made it so clear! You’re right, I’ll try and up the frequency a bit because it sounds like that’s the way to increase my chances. I like your idea of alternating the days if I can’t manage every other day. Gotta do something to try and give myself a chance Hahah! By every 2 days though, do you mean BD one day, then not BD for the next two days and then BD again? I think that should be doable for me :) xx

@MintGreenLife Ohhhh I see!! That makes a lot of sense! Thanks so much :)

Is there anything I can do to improve the quality of my fertile window, perhaps in terms of CM etc? I have been TTC for ages now and I know it’s harder for me with my PCOS and endo but wondering if there’s something I’m missing that I can address?

Thanks again for all your advice, it means a lot :) xx

Sorry to be silly but what does BD stand for? I'm guessing it means sex but can't think what the words are

@Juno231 I think every 2 days means every other day I'm afraid! Stick to every 3 days if you can't manage though - it'll happen eventually!

As for CM - taking up to 3000mg of evening primrose oil would really help - so does drinking grapefruit juice. The tricky part about EPO is that you need to stop it once you ovulate which might be hard for you to pinpoint! If so then I think omega 3 might have a similar effect but without you needing to worry about what phase you're in.

There are also fertility friendly lubricants like pre-seed that are popular as they mimic CM. Def don't use regular lube though!

@Kittykat93 you guessed right - it stands for baby dance

@Juno231 Ah I see, every other day it is then haha! I remember at the beginning of the entire journey, this would have seemed like nothing but I think I’m getting a little dispirited. Maybe I will give myself a bit of a break after this cycle if things don’t work

I will look into the omega supplements though, that sounds like a good idea! Any ones you would recommend? Like you said, as I can never pinpoint my ovulation, I’ll stay away from EPO :)

I had read about pre-seed and was just going to stay away from any lube and then invest in some pre-seed if needed :) xx

@amesk I'm totally with you - we only BD about once a week when not in FW so I can't imagine doing it every 2-3 days all cycle round!

I just got these ones for this cycle but god knows - there's so much to choose from! Adding a daily glass of grapefruit juice would be an easy one to do as well perhaps?
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07649WV5Y/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o01_s00?psc=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

@Juno231 Hahaha I’m glad you understand the struggle!

Thanks for the recommendation! I will add this to my basket too and you’re right, grapefruit juice will be easy enough :)

Whereabouts are you in your TTC journey? I’m TTC number one and struggling so all your advice really helps me feel supported :) xx

@amesk I'm trying for baby #1 and I'm on cycle 6 so feeling a tad fed up with it to be honest. MN has been a huge help though so I'm glad you've come here for a chat! We're a bunch of rowdy girls over at the June (now turned July) bus if you'd like to join? We're on thread 8 already cause we're so chatty but people join all the time so feel free to hop on!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/3939261-venga-bus-is-back-bus-8?msgid=97506639