Just want AF to arrive so new cycle can begin...

[CaribouCarafe]

AF due in 3 days.

Am sure I'm out this month - negative FRER today and I have the usual PMS acne.

Just want my period to come already so that I can get this useless cycle over with and have a commiseration beer.

Just frustrating as have been taking pre-conception vitamins for months, cut out caffeine, no alcohol during TWW, have DTD every other day, tracked ovulation and with no success.

Anyone else fancy a moan whilst waiting for AF to show up?

@mrswilso oh love I’m so so sorry 😔 Are they looking for any growth again in two weeks or waiting for your body to miscarry naturally?
Yes lovely anything you need to get through this tough time. Give yourself time to grieve but don’t wallow in it - that was the advice I was given and it was really helpful so hope it is for you but at this moment in time, there’s no wrong or right way to feel. You just do what you need to do 💕

Waiting to miscarry unfortunately @LS2020 😔
I'm ready to just get it over with now...I'll let myself wallow in it when it actually kicks off but I'm trying to keep it together until it really does...

Oh sweetheart 😔 I’m so sorry, that fucking sucks. You take care of yourself @mrswilso 💗

@mrswilso it’s such an awful pain, take comfort from your OH and honestly just have a good cry whenever you need it. I’ve found my bleed and AF after a bit physically painful so make sure you have a good hot water bottle, a comfy blanket, painkillers in and lots of chocolate and wine. Also, we’re all here any time of day, make sure you reach out if you ever need - this thread is awesome for swearing/anger and tears. You can say anything you need to ❤️

Thank you girls ❤️
I went to bed with the intention of going into work today to keep busy but burst into tears when I woke up...think it's just hitting me properly today 😔 I'm gonna have a day in bed and let it all out...
Can't wait to get back on it with you ladies, maybe we're all supposed to fall together 💕✨

Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry this is happening, it’s so terribly unfair 😔 maybe, I believe 100% it’ll happen for every one of us, but my goodness, what a crappy winding road to it. All my love xx

@mrswilso honestly I was so heartbroken after 5 days of planning and expecting so can’t imagine what you’re feeling now. Hope you’re having a nice takeout and wine tonight and just let it out as much as you can.

Yes I know I’m my heart that we will all get there and it’s all part of our journeys. I was super keen to get back on it too but I must admit, i was a bit sick of everyone telling me I will be more fertile after. Think that’s just made the pressure worse now for this month and kinda wish id let my body heal a bit more last month so take all the time you need. The stats are for 3 months after so you’ve got time when do you feel ready 💕

How are you all doing? Been thinking about you @mrswilso 💗

I’ve been chasing my referral, finally got somewhere today. My GP has pushed it and has asked her secretary to call me in a week to update me on the progress, but they say the wait time shouldn’t be too much, as that particular dept isn’t mega busy at the moment. I’ve lost a stone in weight, and am eating much better now, guess laying the groundwork is never a bad idea.

Well done on the weight loss @Ughmaybenot 🤩
So sweet of you to check in 💕 I'm doing okay physically, struggling a bit mentally. I'm a bit numb to it still but have moments where it just overwhelms me and I've had a couple of crying/shouting "it's not fair" episodes the past couple of days. Hubby's been fab, plenty of cuddles and love. I started bleeding again yesterday and it's continued today so I'm really hoping this is the start and that I won't need any intervention.
Do any of you girls know when CD1 would be for me? Is it the first day of bleeding or when it all passes?

@Ughmaybenot glad you’re getting somewhere with it - I need to chase mine but keep forgetting! Also absolutely amazing on the weight loss, well done!! though now I’m feeling guilty as I’ve just cracked opened the Halloween haribo we bought for any trick or treaters 😂😂

@mrswilso been thinking of you so much. I’m glad to hear that it’s started naturally so you don’t need intervention. I’ve heard d&c isn’t a great procedure so hope you avoid that ❤️
CD1 is your first day of full bleed but my cycle was out of wack totally and never found when I ovulated the month of the bleed.
It sounds strange but the bleed helped me a bit mentally to process it as it was something physical to see but it’s taken me about 5 weeks now to not think about it and immediately cry so it takes time so it’s important for lots of self care 💕

Hi ladies @Ughmaybenot @mrswilso been thinking of you both today and hope you are both getting on ok. Don’t know why but started having a proper cry about my CP which I haven’t really done since shortly after my bleed which is strange. Maybe it’s to do with being in lockdown again?!

Hi ladies hope you don’t mind me joking the gang. So sorry @mrswilso for your loss. I lost 2 babies during lockdown and had a cp last month so know how you feel. I’m starting to consider hanging up my ttc boots for a while it’s ruling my life xx

@LS2020 thanks sweetie 💕🥰 it's so nice to have people to talk to - especially people who know what you're going through. It looks like I'm having a bit of a longer, drawn out process ☹️ went back into EPU on Thursday there for a scan to check up and NOTHING has changed despite more bleeding and pain 😭 I've booked in for a MVA in three weeks time which I'm dreading so I'm really hoping I can pass it naturally before then...the thought of going in makes me feel ill, but at the same time I really really want to move on now.
@Idreamof2more I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through 💕

Hi I’m sorry I forgot to come back to this!!
I’m sorry to hear you are struggling @mrswilso what a horrible limbo to find yourself in 😔 I really hope changes happen soon, it’s so cruel the way it goes sometimes.
@LS2020 that’s so sweet of you 😊 it’s a shitty old rollercoaster this isn’t it? I’m sorry to hear you’re finding yourself getting upset and sad, but I think that’s probably very normal. With any grief, I think it comes and goes in waves. Problem is having more time to think about it maybe? Or the fact everyone is flat as hell with it right now. I had a full meltdown a few nights ago, full snotty sobs about the whole farce tbh, and that’s so, so unlike me!
Oh @Idreamof2more 😔 I’m so sorry to hear of your struggles, that’s so tough. Sometimes I think it’s good to give yourself a break, mentally and physically, from ttc. It can definitely become all consuming.
I’m doing okay, really. Waiting on my referral. Spoke to the gynae dept yesterday and theyre saying now it’ll be probably early next year before I get my initial appointment which sucks, as I had been under the impression it would only be about a month from referral to initial appointment from what my gp and what the gynae dept initially said. So that’s grand 😂
I’m (very cautiously) hopeful for this month tho, I even had a positive opk on Friday which was CD21 which, with any luck, means I might have a half-normal cycle this month if nothing else! Seeing as the last one was like 102 days or something, anything would be an improvement 😂

@mrswilso what rubbish news for you and I’m so sorry to hear that it’s being dragged on for so long 😔 I can’t believe it raises 3 weeks to get one when you’re in so much pain too! How is your OH doing?

@Ughmaybenot yes it is a very strange time we’re in at the moment! Hope you get your positive OPK soon 🤞🏻 Hmm that is a fair wait. I think we had our referral in mid august, got a letter mid sept for some details and then got a call last week with a telephone consult for Wednesday (why) and got some eforms to sign for fertility treatment so hoping we’ve got some of the ball rolling. I assume the call is about my scans as only me on call.
Sorry to hear you’ve had a tough time too so grateful to have you all ❤️

@Idreamof2more sorry to hear about what you’ve been through, it’s a very tough journey. Is this your first child too?

Hi lovely, no I have 2 children so I am blessed just always dreamt of 4. At nearly 41 I’m asking a bit much xx

@Idreamof2more have you been to your doctors for bloods? A CP counts as a miscarriage so as you’ve had 3 in a year you qualify for a test - might be a slight imbalance somewhere that can be sorted for you 🤞🏻 If the wicked AF can show, you’ve deffo got time lovely ☺️ I’ve heard coq10 is good when you’re TTC at an older age as improve egg quality too. But if you get to the place that two is enough, that’s okay too, some times life has funny plans for us all x

It won’t let me tag you? I have a medical appointment this month to discuss it actually so fingers crossed it’s something they can identify and remedy. Some days I think I am happy as I am my boys are my life but other days I get that ache for another xx

@Idreamof2more hmm that’s strange - maybe it’s the website playing up! Hope that your appointment goes well and they might be able to find something. Part of me was relieved when mine came back normal but on the other hand the unexplainedness made it feel like it will never happen 😔

@LS2020 oh I hope it will be less of a wait then. I’m hoping they just told me absolute worst case scenario tbh!
It’s a lovely little support system this isn’t it? 😊

Ugh! We really are all having a shitty time of it right now aren't we? 😔 hope everyone's feeling okay today 💕
@LS2020 - I think they would have had me in the day after the scan for the procedure if I'd have accepted that...it's me that's pushed to wait a few more weeks. I'm so keen to let it happen as naturally as I can but felt I really needed to set a cut off date because I do need to move on physically sooner rather than later. I'm totally acceptant of the fact that I'm definitely not pregnant now too so I'm hoping that the body follows the mind - I even had a word out loud with "Bub" last week when I was alone for a bit, telling them it was time to go etc. (I know it sounds like a load of nonsense, but the mind is a powerful little ball of gloop)
Three weeks seemed reasonable to us and the midwife - I don't have any signs of infection or anything else concerning so they were happy to wait. I think they push for sooner for the mental health side of it really.

@Ughmaybenot I hope you do manage to hear soon. I’ll let you know how tomorrow goes 😊

@mrswilso doesn’t sound like nonsense lovely, I did the same thing as I bled, I kept calling them poppy and I said my goodbyes and thank yous, it’s all about the grieving process so you do whatever is right for you!
Have you thought about having a drink of wine or anything? I’m wondering if doing something physical will help you come to terms with it a bit subconsciously. I hope it comes soon so you avoid the procedure. My only encouragement would be (and this depends where you are mentally to TTC again) but you probably won’t ovulate next cycle so it’ll be another 6 weeks til after the bleed (if your cycle regulates) before you can try again. Want you to be aware - obviously take all the time you need to heal if it’s not the right thing but want you armed with as much as possible

Hey everyone, only just had a chance to read through all the updates. Sending flowers to both @LS2020 and @mrswilso - I'm so sorry that your BFPs didn't work out for you both. I can't imagine how hard that is . Am so hoping you manage to get lovely Xmas-time BFPs (how amazing would that be?!)

@Ughmaybenot loved reading about your husband's semen saga and everyone's responses to it! Glad to hear that his swimmers are 'fine'.

Sorry I abandoned you all a few months back - I decided to take a step back from TTC as it was really getting me down. Also had a rough few months - half my mum's side of the family caught Covid, a couple of them had to be hospitalized, and one of my uncles is in a coma in ICU. To top it off, have been busy moving house and one of my pets died recently...and then had some friends announcing 'unexpected pregnancies' with partners they barely know. It's been shit.

Have decided to not TTC again until after Christmas (after the year we've had I really just want to settle back with some guilt-free mulled wine/mulled cider and relax!).

As selfish as it sounds, I just couldn't bring myself to come on this thread just in case I saw some BFPs and felt down about not having my own to add. But since I'm not actively trying at the moment I now felt ready to come back and cheerlead you ladies on as you continue TTC!

AF is due for me in 3-4 days. Only managed to DTD twice this month - once on CD8 (which was about a week before my predicted ovulation), and once on CD17 (which was the day after my app predicts I ovulated). So chances for me are slim this month. Boobs are absolutely killing me though for the past few days and I've had some weird CM, so who knows what's going on...will see.

Sending you all my best wishes - let me know your updates!

How did your appointment go @LS2020? Hope you’re okay!

Hi @CaribouCarafe been a while 😊 I totally understand needing to take a step back from the thread tbh, I admit feeling the same way re positives but I guess all of this is part of the journey, one way or another. Sorry to hear you’ve had such a terrible time recently, sending love to you and your family.

I’m daft, I really am. I actually got a positive OPK this cycle, around when it ‘should’ be, for a normal person, with normal cycles, and I had the EWCM and all that jazz and now I’m getting annoyed with myself for getting my hopes up.. again 😂

@Ughmaybenot they forgot about me and it’s been pushed back to the 23rd 😂 hope this is a shorter cycle for you 🤞🏻

@CaribouCarafe it’s wonderful to hear from you but sorry to hear you’ve had such a tough time of it! I’m fully with you in the trying to enjoying out to the new year camp. We’re not trying this month and then I’ll be due to ovulate over Xmas week next cycle so going to aim for that so can drink and be Merry after this v shit year!