Would you tell dh?

[moobar]

Just did a test, positive.

However, we had been trying for 15 years and had many losses, and failed IVF. Dd then came along, 18 months. We haven't used any contraception since, but have come to terms with being blessed with her.

Dh is so busy, lambing, working mad hours, no staff.

I thought I might just sit tight for four weeks and get a scan, without worrying him.

I don't want to upset him with another loss, or excite him with hope.

Genuinely, what would you do?

If there is a loss would you then tell him? Would you not need support? That's a lot on your shoulders.

I think I would be OK. I've done it so many times, I just don't know if I can watch him that sad again. Easier to hide it maybe. But I know that's not fair either.

You know him best but I'd say tell him, it's his baby too, his hope or (hopefully not) his loss too.

Tell him. How would he feel if he found out and found out you kept it from him? There are some things that need to be shared between you, and this is one of them

I’d tell him. DH would be very hurt if I kept something like that from him, regardless of how busy he was at the time.

thank you.

Yes that was my gut, just thought he had enough stress just now.

Anyone know miscarriage likelihood after one pregnancy? Or am I best not to know.

I think that’s the way madness lies. I think you just take this one day at a time

OP I had 7 losses before we got pregnant with Dd2. We had decided it wasn't going to happen, and then out of the blue, I got a positive test. I wasn't going to tell DH for a week or two, but realised I was actually quite possibly 10+ weeks along so I did tell him right away in the end.

In a lot of ways I'm glad neither of us got our hopes up in those early days, but I think he would have wanted to know anyaway so he could share the loss with me if we had miscarried again.

Keeping my fingers crossed for you

Thanks both, good advice.

Yes I'm not sure on my dates either. I think I am but really need to sit and concentrate. I don't even know what day it is at the moment.

I think without the routine of work there's nothing to distinguish anything.

Stuff like being pregnant shouldn’t be kept secret in a healthy marriage. You have to tell him

I know @P1nkHeartLovesCake

I suppose here it was not so much a secret as just an avoidance. We have been through so much and I haven't even really seen him for days. He's in the shed mostly so I suppose it was a case of if I can avoid it for another few days and carry that worry myself.

Pregnancy has never really had happy news for us. Even with Dd it was an anxious and worrying journey.

Have your losses always been around the same point in time so you'd have an idea of how long to keep it quiet for? Would it be physically hard for you to hide the loss even if you think you could mentally cope with it?

Losses up to ten weeks, I think I'm five.

I had weekly scans to 30 weeks last time round. For my own sake more than babies.

I will till him tomorrow. I didn't see him at dinner and he's not in yet, then will be on later tonight.

I guess I'm just scared and probably lonely, so don't want to add that fear to him just now.

Luckily because DD is toddling I have not been in lambing shed as she is an eater. And would try and eat something horrid.

I'm not sure you could even get a private scan - aren't most private clinics closed at the moment? Wishing you all the best!