TTC during the coronavirus outbreak thread

[helia]

Is anyone still TTC at the moment?

We were planning to start trying for our second next month or the month after but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do any more.

Is anyone in the same boat and thinking about pushing things back a few months (or more)? It would be nice to chat to others who are deciding what to do now too.

We want to try but I'm just too scared in this environment atm. It'll be #3 and I will be asking for an elective section due to post birth trauma from #2 and my main worry is that the elective might not be agreed to because of all this craziness. I simply can't go through another vaginal birth as the risk is too great to me (though the NHS don't see it that way so it wouldn't be a section that they offer or consider medically essential). We may have to wait as a result, which is annoying as I'm not getting younger.

I'm sorry to hear about your birth trauma, NerdImmunity. One of the reasons why we are minded to wait is I had to spend a week in hospital with our son after he was born as he needed a bit of extra help. The thought of it happening again and not seeing DS/DH not seeing the new baby for a week makes me feel very sad. How old are your first two?

We really want to too. But really unsure due to the pandemic.
I also need to have my copper coil removed first too. I’ve heard that non urgent medical things are not being considered at this time. So will likely have to wait it out.

My kids are 7 and 13 and me and dh are 32 and 33. I’m concerned that the age gaps are going to be larger and larger.

That's a shame, kayde12, but hopefully it will be a safer time to conceive by the time you're able to have your coil removed. I've not been on any contraception since about a year after my son was born. He's almost 4 now. I'm also keen to have number two as I would like them to be closer in age and the further I get from the baby days, the less I feel like I want to go back to them! I'm a similar age to you so hoping time is on both of our sides and waiting won't make too much of an impact.

Hi, we aren't putting things on hold at all, in fact using the time me and hubby aren't at work to good use and bd 😊 the hospitals are still functioning and fingers crossed by the time scans and births come round things should be back to normal I hope! Just want to be a mama. Ttc baby no 1 hubby and I are 27

We've decided to try for our first. We were going to in December and the pandemic taught us you just can't plan everything. It could take a while etc. We have more time to relax and DTD and Iike the idea of not having to lie about not drinking. Financially we are currently saving more as we can't spend. I just got promoted at work. We sort of ran out of personal excuses.

On the flip side if we conceive and I need any medical attention or the baby comes early it could be very stressful but even in normal times stressful things can happen. A friend of mine last year had her September baby in May. It was such a hard time for her.

I'm not actually super laid back or a just go with the flow person so this is out of character for me! Another friend had a baby this week by c section and she said he husband couldn't stay over so she was keen to go home but ultimately she was just so happy to have her baby girl

I agree with something I read that there's no wrong or right answer- it a personal decision that you and DH have to decide on. Some people will think we are absolutely bonkers for TTC. Luckily it's not them that will have to be worried!

Wishing you both the very best - it's helpful to hear other perspectives. We're both still working full time (although now from home and without any childcare) and looking after a three year old so not much time or energy for DTD right now! I'm taking pregnancy vitamins for the folic acid and trying not to pile on too much weight as I stress eat my way through lockdown. Hopefully we will be able to start to move forwards come the summer.

That's for starting this thread. I've struggled to find out similar. We were due to start TTC around May and really in two minds with the current situation!
But also understand it might not happen straight away and hopefully bu the time scans etc are booked things will be back to normal (ish)... everything so uncertain isnt it.
Interesting to read different perspectives :)

Glad you've found the thread, mrsrichy.

Still in the TTC club! DH and I have been TTC since we got married last year and cannot simply stop trying, it would constantly be in the back of my mind that we could have conceived at this time. Thanks to the lockdown we have plenty of time to BD and have been putting more in our savings because we’re not spending as much. You literally never know what the future will bring, we could conceive this month or in years.
Some other threads on this topic have turned pretty nasty. Some are of the opinion that it’s utterly selfish to decide to continue to TTC and are quick to judge others. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but it really annoys me when people try and say their opinion is right and yours is wrong.
Good luck everyone x

We started trying end of last year and caught in Feb so am pregnant now. If it hadn't happened in February we would have stopped trying for a few months at least. In fact we debated stopping in February and only dtd once so were rather surprised when it worked!

I'm finding this pregnancy scary. I haven't met my midwife, I have no idea when I'm going to meet her. She sounds really lovely but I had a somewhat traumatic birth with DS and I didn't think it bothered me until I was pregnant again. I think I want to talk through it but not on the phone. I've had to go to a maternity unit for the blood tests that normally happen at the booking appointment where it was silent, everyone eyed each other nervously whilst trying not to touch things. The midwives were in PPE and kept their distance where they could (obvs blood tests involve touching)

Last time around I felt elated and excited and very maternal. I don't have any of that this time as I mostly feel anxious and feel hugely guilty that I'm not excited as this is a very wanted baby.

DH is really sad he can't be at the scans. He can't see our baby move and won't hear the heartbeat and that sucks. It also means he has to stay home with DS so I have to go on my own, if I get bad news I'll be all on my own over half an hour drive from home.

Hospitals might be open for business and the Covid-19 wards sealed off but it's not infallible, my Grandma went into hospital with a stroke just over a week ago and tested negative for covid-19. She has now tested positive. It's the same hospital that my scan will be at. I don't want to go. I want her to be ok, but she is 89 and recovering from a series of strokes.

I absolutely would not choose to become pregnant at this time. The NHS is amazing and they are working incredibly hard to keep us safe. It's still scary. On the plus side I've kept the letter from Boris to go in the baby box...

Sorry for the essay.

@Emmagen thanks for sharing your current very important perspective.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you feel calmer soon x

We were TTC too and also in 2 minds! Does anyone know if people due their 12 week scans now receiving them?

@fafi I'm due mine in a couple of weeks. I haven't had the appointment through yet but it will be going ahead as normal. Only the patient is allowed in though so my DH is not allowed to join me.

Thank you, I didn't post to suggest that TTC would be wrong or selfish but to point out that if successful pregnancies are not like normal.

Hopefully since I'm due in November I will be able to have my husband with me throughout birth rather than just in active labour as is happening now. Women due now are in a worse position than me and couldn't possibly have planned ahead for this!

Interesting to read peoples thoughts on this. Ultimately I think its a personal decision after weighing up your circumstances and the risks.

I found out this week I've had a MMC at 9 weeks (still waiting for it to pass or might need intervention next week). My mind immediately went to wanting to try again, the thought of doing so is making dealing with the loss easier. However, I've experienced EPU during lockdown and have not had a positive experience. For example no follow up when told I'm likely to miscarry, and if I don't miscarry naturally surgical management will not be an option.

It worries me what care would be like going forwards, I think if you have a low risk, straight forward pregnancy there would be limited impact as long as you are OK with some appointments by phone and partner missing scans etc, but if you are higher risk or need more appointments or intervention (which you might not know at this stage) then the change in care standards could put you or your baby st risk. In addition you are classed as vulnerable while pregnant, so it could mean 9 months of isolation when everyone else could be going back to normal (I'm guessing even if they find a vaccine they won't use it on pregnant women).

I'm in too minds on what to do next. Common sense and logic say now is not the time for the reasons I've said above. However, if you have had a previous loss, a difficult time TTC or time is not in your side (I'm early thirties but DH is 51) then I think it's a really difficult choice. I think we probably will go on to try, however I completely understand why some people would choose to stop. Everyone needs to make the decision that is right for them at the time.

Wow sorry didn't realise that post was quite so long!

Hello! We are trying for our first baby and my DH and I are both 33. We've been trying since September with no luck so I'd rather not stop now as we might need to seek medical advice soon if there is no progression Hoping not though.

I feel like we've waited for a variety of reasons over the years (we've been together for 15 years) and now we feel it's our time. Hoping everything will be okay soon. We would like a home birth but I know some have been cancelled. As a previous poster said, we never know what's going to happen in the future so we don't want to stop our plans for the unknown.

@Emmagen This is such helpful information and I guess something we don't think about until it happens. Thank you for your perspective.

I hope your pregnancy goes well and by the time you are due to give birth, things will have calmed down a bit and you will be able to have your partner with you.

@Emmagen I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother. I hope she is OK. I can only echo what London1066 has said above - let us hope the situation looks very different in November than it does now.

Workingmama1 I am sorry for your loss. I hope you're OK.

We are almost certainly waiting until at least July now. The comments here have been really helpful in reaching this decision. My DS needed extra help at birth and we had to stay in hospital for a week - I don't think I could face that plus coronavirus right now. I found my first pregnancy stressful and I was anxious a lot of the time too, and then I had dreadful PGP and a premature birth, so waiting is absolutely the right thing.

I can't believe I've got baby fever after being on the fence about having another for nearly four years.

Would anyone like to keep me company on this thread over the next few months as we look for signs things are improving?

Hello everyone - can I jump on? We were hoping to try for #2 late summer (assuming things work out with DP's work - another story!) but everything that's happening at the moment has really made me question whether we should. It's helpful to hear other people's experiences.

@helia sounds like we had similar first pregnancies. I had PPROM at 34 weeks (DD born at 36), plus pre- and postnatal depression and anxiety. I relied a lot on regular contact with midwives and HV, so the idea of being pregnant or postnatal in a lockdown situation is pretty terrifying. I'd be glad to keep you company here for the next few months!

Hello Mybobowler - similar story for me! DS was born at 35 weeks. Not an experience I wish to repeat and definitely not in a lockdown. How old is your DD now? I'm sorry to hear about the uncertainty with your DP's job. When do you expect to know more?

I'd like to be part of this thread. We were planning to start ttc our first child in May, we're going to delay for now. We are both currently employed but our jobs are increasingly at risk the longer this goes on. We'd love to start trying straight away but the unknowns are too many at the moment.

It's comforting to know others are in the same boat!

Hello @Quercus3 - I'm sorry this us such an uncertain time for you. Hopefully normal-ish life will resume soon.

Ah yeah @helia, we've definitely been in the same boat! Hope your DS was ok? How old is he now? My daughter is just 15 months - I can't believe I'm broody again, must be mad! I'm at risk of another PPROM, and the idea of having an extended hospital/NICU stay during lockdown is pretty scary.

My DP is on a fixed contract just now. There was a permanent role due to come up which he was hopeful for, but that's been put on the back burner due to covid. So that's potentially another delay to number #2!

How are you feeling about it all?

I'd like to be part of this thread too if that's OK?

We were planning on ttc our first baby when we got back from our holiday in May this year... Obviously the holiday has been cancelled and now we're going to hold off on ttc for a few months until things calm down. I've been in tears this evening over it, just feel like we finally got to a point where we could start trying and it's been taken away. Silly I know but I so desperately want a baby. I'm still working (as a nanny) and my boyfriend is working from home so work wise we are OK. Hopefully the next couple of months will fly by and things will calm down xx

I'm so sorry to hear that you were struggling yesterday, Baker. How are you this morning? These are difficult times.