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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

The Hut of Gl/Doom Part V- for the unapologetically despondent

986 replies

duchesse · 01/08/2007 08:56

The new hut. Ta-da!

This one is a snug little basement World War 2 type nightclub, with dim lighting, snug velvet sofas, red walls and certainly no politically correct smoking bans. Occasionally certain selected men may be admitted at our convenience.

Sit down, make yourselves at home, and never, ever apologise for feeling like shit. That's about it.

OP posts:
Triggles · 15/01/2008 22:27

Well, here's to hoping we're not too old then! I will admit that since the GP tends to give the impression that he doesn't really think it's possible (or advised) at 42, I would dearly love to prove him wrong!

Asgoodas · 15/01/2008 22:32

Then dust yourself off Triggles - we can have a damn good go!! AF was due today, I know she's coming as I can feel her breath on the back of my neck!! Some serious BDing this month I think!! Poor DH This good mood will disappear with AF

ClairePO · 15/01/2008 22:39

Every single lady on this thread makes me feel so humble. Just to leave some lovely wine for you all (as Duchesse necked all the vintage champers) and some sticky toffee pudding and cream. Because sticky toffee pudding and cream is lovely.

Original poster
duchesse · 15/01/2008 22:47

I'd completely forgotten about that thread! Was fun, ladies.

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Triggles · 15/01/2008 22:54

AF due in a few days here, so it's just a matter of waiting til O time again. I think DH has taken this as a personal challenge - so at least the week before O is pretty fun! Thanks so much for the welcome and chat. I'll be popping in again, a day or two older, but not willing to admit defeat yet!

Triggles · 15/01/2008 22:55

What a wonderful thread! Good people, alcohol, and sweets. Gotta love it!

Ready · 15/01/2008 22:59

Birthday Wishes Duchesse

Original poster
duchesse · 15/01/2008 23:13

hands round the petits fours and cocktails

OP posts:
shreksmissus · 15/01/2008 23:23

Message withdrawn

ClairePO · 15/01/2008 23:33

I feel awful saying this but you all saying about insensitive people but its time to admit that a lovely friend has been awful just recently. She was great when I had the mc but when we met recently she continually went on about the fact that two years ago she had been pregnant with her youngest with awful morning sickness. She has also been on about the fact that it took her only five weeks to conceive her 2nd (her first only weeks after stopping the pill after many years, and an accident). I feel a bit sad because she has always been so nice but I can't believe anyone could be so insensitive. I'm sure she didn't realise she was doing it but still. She knows that we didn't prevent for 3 years prior to the mc and now I feel she is judging me and laughing every cycle that goes past when I am trying properly. But I know its just my bitterness really.

shreksmissus · 15/01/2008 23:54

Message withdrawn

ladylush · 16/01/2008 08:37

It's v hard when it's a close friend . I think they just expect us to move on after a while and I don't know about you but I just feel stuck and unable to move on. So after two years she probably thinks it's ok to behave completely normally inc. making reference to her pg, whereas it's still very painful for you.

For triggles, asgoodas, duchesse, erm myself and anyone else on the wrong side of 35. When as a student nurse I had a midwifery placement, I went to visit a lady who was 43 and 7 months pregnant. She had a 23 year old daughter, was with the same husband and had been trying to conceive ever since. She stopped trying about five years prior to getting pregnant and was completely shocked - but delighted once she got over the shock (as were her husband and daughter). I try not to think about how likely this is statistically - and besides I was told statistically I was very unlucky re. m/cs so maybe it can work the other way too

herbaceous · 16/01/2008 10:45

Triggles, are you me? I'm 42, have had four miscarriages in the past two years (three of them after 10 weeks), and have just been told by various 'experts' that I've just been very unlucky. But it's now been nearly a year since I last conceived, and while I know I should go to the GP and beg for Clomid, I just know he'll say 'what do you expect at your age'. Admittedly my periods are regular, I appear to be ovulating, but I want to do SOMETHING.

Perhaps I should just 'let go', grieve over the fact that I'll never have my own child, and move on. But I can't.

Original poster
duchesse · 16/01/2008 10:56

Not sure whether it's better or worse to actually get pregnant- obviously the loss is terrible if and when it happens, but the knowing that one is a dried up old barren crone is a little overwhelming at times (one failed pregnancy in 4.5 yrs t/ftc). Psychologically I was less fragile when I was going through the doomed pregnancy in 2006, even though the signs were not good from the start. Everyone's different though, and miscarriage is not a pleasant experience by any standards.

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herbaceous · 16/01/2008 10:59

Luckily for me I have experienced all the many facets of the horror: sudden bleeding and passing the baby into a doctor's hand, finding out at 13 weeks that the baby had died, though it had been fine at 10 weeks, and now failing to conceive for a year. The main feeling at all times was the loss of hope, one of the hardest thing for anyone to deal with.

herbaceous · 16/01/2008 11:02

Sorry. I seem to have gone off on one. What I meant to say was that losing hope - through ftc or mc - drains the will to live in even the most hardy of people, and we shouldn't feel ashamed of feelings.

Original poster
duchesse · 16/01/2008 11:58

No need to apologise Herbaceous. Are they investigating for recurrent late miscarriage? I thought that if the baby made it to post 12 weeks, it was generally (apart from heart defects) sound. Although obviously mine wasn't, as it also was "fine" until 12 weeks, and had died by 13.4. Might have been missing a brain though. A bit unclear on the scan.

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herbaceous · 16/01/2008 12:10

The last one (mc at 11 weeks) had trisomy 13 (patau's syndrome), and the one before that (13 weeks) had trisomy 18 (edward's syndrome). Both just random 'old egg' problems, but still quite rare - about 1 in 200 chance. The mc in Jan 06 (11 weeks, into doctor's hand) wasn't investigated. It was at Whipps Cross, quite possibly the worst hospital in the Western World.

I've had every blood test under the sun, and our karyotyping done, and there's nothing wrong with either of us. I also have low FSH and LH, so there's no reason for not conceiving, either.

Does anyone find childrens' parties, etc, a problem? My sis, who I've ranted about before, has two boys, another baby on the way, and has complained that I'm not a good enough aunt because I don't go to parties enough. But I can't stand them! All those smug mothers, avoiding me like the plague (and me avoiding them)... I feel like I'm having my nose rubbed in it.

Original poster
duchesse · 16/01/2008 13:01

God, poor you.

I know someone whose now adult son has Edward's syndrome. It's not easy at all for any of them as he is as helpless as a 2 yr old.

Have heard that about Whipps Cross, although I can't believe that Homerton Hospital is not worse... Went to visit a friend in the maternity unit there once. I honestly think she would have been better off giving birth in a public loo.

OP posts:
herbaceous · 16/01/2008 13:04

I've had two MCs at Homerton, and believe or not, it is vastly better than Whipps Cross. Admittedly, I haven't been into the maternity bit. Obviously!

At Whipps Cross there were blood stains on the floor, I was given the miscarried foetus to carry on my lap, and they forgot to test it.

ladylush · 16/01/2008 17:24

OMG Herbaceous Apart from the emoticons I am speechless

Original poster
duchesse · 16/01/2008 17:39

Do you think it was some kind of misguided attempt at helping you to manage your grief or just sheer incompetence?

OP posts:
herbaceous · 16/01/2008 18:03

Oh, sheer incompetence. I stayed in overnight, and they wheeled a woman with a new born baby into the bed opposite me. Everyone gathered round, cooing. I thought I was going to die.

I complained to the powers that be, and the woman actually had the nerve to say 'we find some ladies like to see the foetus'. They didn't in fact ask at the time, however.

herbaceous · 16/01/2008 18:06

Oh! And then they sent my ante-natal forms the next week, which said 'congratulations on your pregnancy!'. Yeah. Thanks for that.

ladylush · 16/01/2008 18:18

My god, I got a phone call after my ERPC asking why I hadn't attended the nuchal scan despite me ringing them the day before the ERPC to tell them the baby was dead and therefore could they please note that I wouldn't be needing the scan due the next day. I thought that was bad but it's not a patch on yours Herby.