TTC First Baby Thread 18 Already!

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Starting new thread - no stats though.

Hi ladies, hope you don't mind me popping in to see how you're all doing? I can't believe it's 9 pages long already!! Love it 😀

To all the new faces, these gals are the absolute bomb, you're definitely on the right thread! X

@purplefig, enjoy your holiday and well done for covering your bases! X

@flapjackered @Validuser, got everything crossed for you guys 🤞👍

@MrsEG, I don't blame you for wanting at least the month off. I thibk I'd want to wait until I had the apt, but I am super cautious and an over thinker so that's just me. I hope it comes through soon, it sounds like they will really be a help. Definitely go for the pamper weekend, why the hell not?! Xx

So I'm about 7 weeks and today my mum was like 'ooo, you're a bit bigger already!' 😂 I mentioned this to my SIL (sister-in-law) at work at she said 'yeah I told your bro yesterday you are getting bigger already'!! So apparently it's officially noticeable... Pretty sure it's just bloating at this stage 🤔

So lovely to hear from you @fivebyfive2! Ooh it’s getting a bit more real now... wait until you’re buying maternity gear 😱😱 Yeah I think we’re all typing to stop ourselves from using our hands to hole pregnancy tests haha! I know right now I am...

@FlapJackered that's so lovely as well. People at work are noticing I'm not in and texting to ask where I am if I'm ok and I just don't know what to say. Found today a bit hard we'd planned on telling my gran and grandpa today on his birthday oh well.

@ELW85 @Dollywilde Ha it’s so so hard towards the end - it’s so worth refraining though! Have you any plans to keep yourself busy before Monday?

@Kiza Welcome! There are a few of us here who have also had losses and all aiming for our happy endings!

@Lozzlepop I love a good clean! I love Saturdays when DH is at rugby and I just have the place to myself to blitz! I worry it’s a sign of my age that I enjoy cleaning and organising so much!!

@Fivebyfive2 Yeah I worry that we’d try again and have another loss if there is an issue, but also worry I could wait 2 months+ only to be told there’s nothing wrong and just try again!! I’m going to chat to the GP about it next week and see what they think. The nurse at the hospital said she saw no reason for us to try - in her words ‘go at it with everything but the kitchen sink!’ - especially as for so many women the tests just show nothing is wrong and we’re just horribly unlucky. It’s such a catch 22!! Ahh - 7 weeks already! I remember my sister was so bloated in her first trimester but it would come and go, some days she really looked preggo and the next day it was gone! You’ll be living in leggings soon! How are you feeling?

@MrsH497 Horrible isn’t it, I’ve told my boss and she’s let my immediate team know and they’ve all been really lovely. Are you going to do something nice this weekend?x

@Fivebyfive2 lovely to hear from you!

@MrsEG in laws are coming up and we are having a bbq with my parents as well. I'm sure people will be lovely but I don't know how I feel about sharing it. Part of me wants to tell people and part of me doesn't. Does that make any sense?
What are you up to this weekend? X

@MrsEG, I'm OK, just really tired. I had a bit of a 'moment' the other day, got myself upset thinking about my mc, but shook myself out of it sharpish!! Am determined to be positive. I totally understand why you're unsure how to go. I guess you and dh will just need to take it day by day and see how you feel. If it's any help at all, a good friend at work had 3 losses, decided to just see how things went for a little while and that is when she caught with her now teenage son! Xxx

@MrsH497, hope you have a nice weekend. I found distractions were a big help the first week or so after mine. Totally get about trying to decide about telling people what has happened. We didn't at first, except people who knew I was pregnant obviously. But a while after, I found myself telling people and it was quite nice to be able to talk about it. That's just me though, everyone is different. Do what is right for you and your partner. Xxx

@MrsH497 It’s really personal but like @Fivebyfive2 we told people and it really was nice to be able to talk about it, it was nice getting it out in the open. But it’s so up to you. BBQ sounds lovely!

@Fivebyfive2 So understandable, it’s such an anxious time anyway! Just remember, new egg and sperm this time around and it’ll be the 12 week scan in no time :) Yeah, weirdly I’ve seen/heard a few stories of successful babies post-3 losses, just at the time you’re going for testing - perhaps it is that acceptance/knowledge it’s going to be looked at that makes people stop fretting about the actual trying that is doing it?? Who knows!!

@MrsEG @Fivebyfive2 and any other ladies do you feel we happily talk about boobs penises prostates cervix and vaginas and cancer but miscarriage is still a massive taboo?

@MrsH497 Yes, definitely. I think it’s why I chose to talk about it, as I don’t think it’s right that women tend to just suffer in silence. Be warned though - as it is still kind of taboo people have no clue how to react; whilst a lot of our friends were amazing we had a lot of ‘At least it happened early’ and ‘Don’t worry it’ll happen soon!’ and just stuff that made me want to scream. Everyone always means well - but I even had one family member say ‘Do you think it’s because of your running?’ - yes, I ran my baby loose (also, thanks for blaming me for it!!!)

@MrsH497, I agree! I was a bit shocked how many ladies I know that it has happened to, but I didn't know until I had mine and we talked. I guess you don't want to scare people who might be trying or whatever?? But it's nice to be able to talk it out, you feel less alone. I actually wonder if that's part of the reason I've started to be more open about it?? Be the change and all that jazz! Xx

@MrsEG noooo someone seriously said that?! Like you really needed someone to say that. I've had 1 person say well at least you know you can get pregnant.

How are you doing?
@cupcakesandglitter checking in with you lovely how's your mum?

@MrsEG, cross post! I actually had a lady ask me if I think my weight had something to do with it (I'm skinny but not underweight or anything?!) It's bizzare. Most people have been so lovely though, makes it feel worth it.

@Fivebyfive2 Yep I had that one too! It just boggles the brain sometimes that folk even think to ask - but like you say; they only mean well. And I agree that 90% of people have been fabulous with us. I found it nice to speak to other friends who had been through it, especially those who quickly went on to get pregnant again!

@MrsH497 Ugh yeah I hate that one too I get ‘Well at least you’re nice and fertile’ - no harm is meant but it’s the WORST isn’t it!!

@MrsH497 so many people have said that to me 'at least you know you can get pregnant' as if that makes it better. I know it comes from a good place but there isn't really a silver lining to a mc, it is just totally shit.

@MrsEG I can't believe someone said that to you! Someone said to me 'I bet it was your thyroid problem, apparently that causes multiple miscarriages' really helpful! 🙄

@MrsEG @Fivebyfive2 you ladies are fab you really are x

@FlapJackered yup there is no silver lining. Yes we got pregnant but it sucks beyond belief that we had a MC I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy

@FlapJackered @MrsH497 @Fivebyfive2 Glad it’s not just me!! My sister made the good point though that it sets us up for when we do have babies - she tells me that’s when you get totally unsolicited ‘advice’ left right and centre!! So at least we’re developing our stiff upper lips now in preparation!!

@MrsEG, good point!! We'll be pros at it 😜

I cannot believe how quick this thread fills up these days. We're like a proper little community!! It's ace I think xxx

Sorry don't know all your names to tag you in but sorry to hear of all your losses too.
I made a conscious decision to be open about mine from the start (I'm a psychotherapist so big believer in encouraging gentle discussion if people are able to) and found the same as many of you ladies. Quite a few of my friends and work colleagues had MC that I never knew about as they kept it private.
When we talked about it most said that society encourages us to keep the pregnancy 'secret' until 12 weeks in case of mc. However I feel that means we grieve in isolation when instead we can seek comfort and support from other women who have been through similar experiences. 💜

@MrsEG very true!
@Fivebyfive2 it is so good having people here that understand, I think I would have gone crazy without you ladies on this thread ❤️

@MrsH497 absolutely ❤️

Of course totally respecting women and partners who would prefer to grieve in private. I just hope that as time goes on and we share more then more women will know they have the choice rather than feeling it's a taboo subject x

@Kiza agree. We've come on so much taking about smear tests, our bodies in general, grief but miscarriage is still taboo. As you say we keep pregnancy a secret until 12th week but means we then do risk feeling alone.
Love to you all x

@MrsEG - this weekend DH is taking me to the Harry Potter studios, so it’s going to be an amazing weekend by all accounts! Just getting to spend time with him is magical (I’m sounding soppy, but he’s really been looking after me and supporting me) :)