TTC after pregnancy loss - Thread 30 - huddle up and bring on the BFP's

[Lilimum7]

🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧 🐧

Welcome to the 🐧 huddle. This is a wonderful supportive group for anyone ttc after the loss of a pregnancy or baby. Together we can get through the ttc crazyness xx baby dust to everyone xx

@FrillyFarmer hugs and that sucks. Did she know why you didn't go? The only redeeming thing I can think of is if she didn't know and thought you had missed out. I don't think there is much harm from staying away for a while as if you don't it will strain the friendship anyway. You need to look after yourself x

@Frillyfarmer I'm sorry she did that to you. Definitely insensitive and thoughtless.

I'm really strugging ATM. This week is the week my twins were due (I lost them (boy and girl) at 19 weeks for anyone who doesn't know already). Four days ago my close friend gave birth to B/G twins and they are absolutely perfect. I feel really bad for being so fucking angry that she gets to take her son and daughter home when my son and daughter died. Not angry with my friend - just at the universe for the cruelness of it all.

@FrillyFarmer you are not being unreasonable. You have every right to feel the way you. She is a total insensitive nasty bitch for doing that. She needs to be told how out of order she has been and needs to consider others' feelings. I'm mad for you.

@Squiff70 it's natural and normal to feel that way. Life is so unfair and cruel.

Feeling rubbish too. All I want is my babies back and to be pregnant again but this time carry full term and have a live birth and healthy baby I can see grow up, have a first birthday, first Christmas, first day at school, go to university and get married, making lots of happy memories. Am I asking too much?

@Catconfusion I am CD10 today now so must be similar timing to you.

@Frillyfarmer wth is wrong with people? Depends how good a friend she is. If a close friend I’d tell her and hope she understands.

@Squiff70 I’m sorry you’re struggling. That’s really tough.

@InDreamland I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Ofc you’re not asking too much. I think we can all probably relate to what you say.

I did the CB test again today (well technically yesterday as it’s about 1 am) and got a flashing smiley at CD9 so I started testing just in time 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t feel as down today but DH are a bit stressy and been arguing over nothing so maybe we are both struggling a bit - made up each time and doing the BD again tonight though 😬 I get stressed when we argue as I worry we won’t dtd and then I’ll miss my chance so made him promise we’ll do it whatever. Is that weird? Feel like Monica from Friends, doesn’t matter if I’m annoyed as I think I’m fertile!

Sorry for the slow replies -been a busy week. Welcome to the newbies, And apologies for not replying to individuals, the thread is moving v fast!

@Lilimum7 I really hope they find something easily treatable for you my lovely. Fingers crossed.

Thanks @InDreamland I had a lovely day. Haven't seen her for two years so we spent a lovely day catching up. Her son (3.5yrs old) is adorable too so I got to be cool auntie who helps him colour and make dinosaurs. Really helped take my mind off things. Which they didn't live so far away!

@Mistymeow how is your test now lovely? Fingers crossed.

@hayleyfx glad your boss was understanding.

@Frillyfarmer I'm doing ok-ish. I'm not feeling overly confident if I'm honest. Had discomfort on the right side last week then yesterday had some sharper pains on the left side. Trying to convince myself it's just things stretching and shifting but if I'm honest I'm scared s**tless its ectopic or another mc. Haven't got many "symptoms" either...boobs a bit bigger and a bit windy on and off but I'm not peeing as often as I did with the previous two, and not as tired as I've been before. I really wish there was a way of knowing things are ok. I've got an early scan booked for 29/5. According to my LMP I should be 6+5, by ovulation more like 7+3 so really should be seeing a heartbeat I guess. We're due to go on holiday 7/6 so at least this way I'll know if it's ectopic or not by then. If it's another MC I suspect we won't go on hols though. Knowing how painful the process is I just don't think I'd want to be away from home whilst it's happening, especially not somewhere where you can't put paper down the loo (Crete). I just really really really want this third one, to be the one.
Argh-just saw your later message about the reveal-absolutely understandable to be annoyed by that, I swear people sometimes have no clue of anything other than their little bubble. Hugs.

@KnitKitty i think you are stronger than me, idve cracked a frer by now! But if you can hold out do. Fingers crossed for you.

@AliceRR the CB connected has shown anything from 1 flashy day to 8/9flashy days for me, so I reckon DTD every other day from here on in and you should be covered. There's a school of thought that says better every other day than every day to help sperm regenerate...dunno if true but this last time we caught we only DTD 3 times, 2 days before ov, day of ov and day after ov

Still don't have the results of my AMH test which I'm annoyed about. Consultant asked if I'd pay to have it done to speed things up (about £25-30), which I said I would. Had it done 18/4, but it wasn't back when we had our fertility appt on 8/5. Consultant gave me another blood form (this time on the nhs) but a) being needle phobic and b) not wanting to waste nhs money as it had already been done I rang the blood sciences lab a couple of days later and they said it had now been reported back. They aren't allowed to give results though. So I left a message for the consultants secretary to ask for a copy, and even tried my GP to see if she could access the result-but nothing! I'm loathed to pay the invoice when I haven't actually got the blooming result!!! We're not due to see the consultant again unless I miscarry, but if I do I know he'll want this result. So do I check with the path lab again and chase the consultant for the result or just bite the bullet and get the test redone on the nhs?.

It's OH 40th today, and typically I've got a rotten cold! So no birthday bonk for him with this snot/flem monster! We still haven't DTD seen the positive test, bit scared to. But then we didn't with either of the other pregnancies and it didn't help them so when I'm feeling better I'm keen to try. Maybe his spermies will have some magical properties that will help this one grow healthily (note to self: don't be an idiot! You know that's idiotic bollocks 🙄)

He's requested a chill out day in the garden so at least that's nice and easy!

Hope you're all having a good weekend xxx

Thanks @Laney79 You are probably right about dtd every other day. So far we’ve dtd about three times since Friday night which is a lot for us. When I got pregnant last year I wasn’t tracking so it was probably only about once or twice in my fertile period. Tbh three times in about 36 hours is hard work and I don’t want us to wear ourselves out before I get my static smiley LOL so we’ll see how it goes

Maybe you could try chasing the result again. I agree you shouldn’t need to have it done again unless they’re telling you there’s a problem and it’s lost (and in which case you don’t pay)

I hope you and DH have a nice day for his birthday even if you’re not feeling well

@KnitKitty yes got the appointment letter yesterday next appointment 6th August. So ages away and now I'm worrying about it all now. I don't understand why the blood test results take so long.

@Lilimum7 apparently some of the tests have to be sent away and they are on a 6+ week cycle to report back. After my second loss I had bloods taken start of Oct and I was very lucky to have them back by my appointment end of Nov (I think one or two had only come in that week). It's like the AMH one-that has to go to Birmingham for processing so it takes min 3 weeks.

I think if you have them done privately it's faster - but even so the clotting/thrombophilia ones I had done with Nuffield took three weeks to fully report. I guess there's only a limited number of labs doing the more complex tests xx

@Laney79 arh that makes sense it's just I'm probably the most impatient person ever to have lived x

Hi everyone,

Just joining the new thread. I hope you're all doing okay.

29, TTC number 1. MMCs in November 2018 and March 2019 (twins), all of which stopped developing at 8 weeks. Had surgical management with both.

We are currently taking a break from TTC (hence I've been absent from the thread for a while) since we have a big holiday planned in July and I don't want to ruin it with another miscarriage before we go/while I'm away. I want to try and have some fun in the final year of my 20s rather than constantly miscarrying, and I think the break is allowing me to recover emotionally and physically, although of course I can feel my biological clock ticking and worry I'm wasting precious time by waiting.

We are going to start trying again while we're away in July.

My first pregnancy would have been due 22nd May, so next week. I thought I would feel really upset but I don't really feel anything.

Although I felt really depressed during and after my miscarriages, I don't feel sad or jealous when I see people with babies (though I do feel a little jealous when I see pregnant women), which I feel is unusual. If anything, I feel like I'll find the baby stage boring, and I feel guilty for thinking this. I have friends who constantly talk about the details of their babies' sleep schedules or potty training and I can't say it really appeals to me. I've never felt 'broody' for a baby but have always known I wanted a family (I enjoy spending time with kids from toddler stage and up, just find babies a little dull). I'm not sure whether I'm just not the motherly type or whether it's a subconscious defence mechanism since having the miscarriages...

Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice please.

I had a miscarriage at 7weeks a month ago and started my first AF this week. As I have been tracking my BBT and taking OPKs since my loss I know I didn't ovulate. (Never had that happen since I've been tracking).

Do I count this AF as a regular one? Is it likely that my cycle will go back to normal. I'm usually 29 days and this time was 32.

I just feel a bit out of control and would feel better if my body was getting back to normal.

@Kayjay2018 I'm not an expert but I would count it as my last period and use opks in case ovulation occurs early/late in my next cycle. I think it's normal for cycles to be a little off following a miscarriage, things will hopefully be back to normal soon 🤞

@Kayjay2018 forgot to say, sorry for your loss

Thank you for responding, I’m tracking on a few apps so they have all placed it as CD1 when I started this AF. I have loads of OPKs at the ready and continue to temp.

I’m sorry to hear of your loses, dates really stuck in the mind don’t they? I had my 12 week scan booked in for 21st may and I can’t get that date out of my head as we had planned to tel my son when on holiday the week after.

One final question, I had had some bloods done with the midwife before I miscarried, I got the results too late to make a difference, they showed a low folate level and suggested the GP prescribe iron tablets. He wasn’t worried when I spoke to him as I was no longer pregnant. Does anyone know if low folate equates with needing higher folic acid and iron? Could this have increased my risk of miscarriage? We are ttc again during this new cycle so I want to get as much right as possible

@squiff70 sorry that this is a tough week. It’s so hard watching friends have their healthy babies, it’s a constant reminder.
@kayjay2018 sorry for your loss. I don’t know the answer regarding the folate but I think you should speak to your gp and see if you need to take a different supplement. Also ask if it is related to the loss.
@frillyfarmer oh dear, what a thoughtless thing to do. Is this a close friend? I had similar with a close friend from childhood. She was so oblivious. I decided I wasn’t going to talk to her for a very long time.
@dimblebimble lovely to hear from you. I know what you mean, I don’t mind being around babies and children, I don’t get broody. They aren’t my babies after all, so I don’t feel any sort of yearning. But I’m desperate for my own. I think it’s normal. What I don’t like is insensitive comments. I’m off to the states in 10 days for a month and looking forward to the headspace.
@knitkitty it’s not my month, negative at 10dpo. Think that earlier one must have been an evap. Breast clinic tomorrow, eek.

Was at a wedding and sat on a table between one couple with a baby and another heavily pregnant. The conversation went like this: “do you have kids?” “No we don’t, we have a cat. She’s our baby” and then got out pictures to change the subject!

I’m going to the breast clinic tomorrow morning about this lump and I’m nervous. My GP said it feels very much like a benign cyst and I know 9 out of 10 lumps turn out to be nothing. Still, can’t help thinking the worst. If it was bad news (usually they can give you a good indication of what it is on the day) I don’t know how I would cope. Because I probably couldn’t have a baby if I need treatment, I would be too old. Trying not to get too ahead of myself, but it’s really made me think.

Oh @Mistymeow I'm so sorry for what you're going through and I really hope tomorrow has a positive outcome for you. I'm sorry about the wedding, ignorance really is bliss right?!

Thanks for everyone who responded to my rant on Saturday. She's one of my best friend, she knows exactly what I've been through. She was the same person who ruined my weekend away to "escape" after the first MC by announcing she was 5 weeks pregnant. I think I need to just take a step back from her but I can't decide whether it's worth the agro of telling her how much her message upset me this weekend.

Anyway! 4DPO for me, not sure we managed to time it right this month as Im sure I ovulated CD16 whilst away with work. The sun is shining here and I don't work Mondays so today will be a good day. 😊

In that case I would probably avoid her for a bit, she knew better @Frillyfarmer. I hope you enjoy your day, sunny here too which always makes me feel better.

@Frillyfarmer I've been keeping track of your posts regarding said friend. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you've been treated with such insensitivity. How horrible of her to message you with news she knew would be upsetting. I'd send her a message telling her you're happy for her but you feel she's been insensitive and it's really upset you. For now you need to take a step back from the friendship for a few months as you're coming to terms with recent events. You hope you'll be able to move past it in the future. I'd then block her on all platforms for now so you don't have to deal with any backlash. People like her really aren't worth it. You get to choose who's in your life during this difficult time! Xx

@Mistymeow I'm so sorry you find yourself in this position. I have my fingers crossed all is ok at your appointment. Thinking of you! Xx

Hey - I wonder if I can join you.
I recognise some of the names who very kindly supported me on another thread when my miscarriage started.

I'm TTC #2 #1 is 4.5
I'm 36 and my partner is 53
Just got my final BFN from 6 week miscarriage that started 10days ago. So once the bleeding stops we are good to keep trying.
Miscarriage was after 2nd month of TTC.

I have ordered some ovulation predictor sticks so I can work our where I am in my cycle as I'm all over the place.

Xxx

Thanks @mistymeow just managed to get a blood test done at gps to test my levels. Have also asked to speak to the dr for a lupus blood test. My mum has lupus SLE, I tested negative in my teens and 20s but probably should check again as their is a link to miscarriage I believe. I do suffer a couple of symptoms (Raynauds and sensitivity to light - I get an itchy unattractive rash).

I hope all goes well for you tomorrow.

@Mistymeow I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm glad your GP thinks it's a benign cyst though, that's a good sign. Hopefully the breast clinic will be able to give you a definite answer tomorrow and put your mind at rest. Also, a BFN at 10 DPO doesn't mean you're out yet...

Sorry, not going to reply to everyone but ladies, I think of you all often and wish I could commit more to this thread at times but I am all over the place.

I have nausea this morning, and have had waves of it for a few days. I did a FRER this morning at 13 DPO and there's a very faint second line. I can't bring myself to believe it's positive (I don't know yet if it is or not) and definitely can't get excited.

I can definitely see a line @Squiff70 - fingers crossed this is your rainbow xx

Thanks @Catconfusion - I think you're right, I just wanted to wait until I'd calmed down and could objectively message her without getting upset.