35+ TTC#1 Thread 6

[BambiOnIce80]

Spring is in the air and it's time for a new thread!

Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Here's hoping we get some spring BFP luck for all of us!! 🍀🐣🍀🐣

Hope your counselling goes well @Laney79. I can’t imagine how anxious you are. Hopefully you will feel a little better after your scan 🤞. Yes try to stay positive 😊 I hope this little one stays healthy for you 🤞.

@Laney79 I can completely understand trying everything to get answers. Something as traumatic as a miscarriage just doesn't feel like a normal/natural thing even though it often is. Mine was a mmc with surgery at 12 weeks and pretty horrendous. At first I gravitated towards there being something wrong with me. Now I'm pretty sure it was bad luck. I hope I'm right but I'm doing pretty much all I can with supplements and trying to lead a healthier life to improve egg quality. DH is too as could easily have been a dodgy sperm.

My thyroid and vitamin D were normal so not that. I did wonder if it was PCOS as my cycles are irregular and I did have cysts years ago but not that either. I'm not sure how I feel about there not being a particular reason as not much else we can do. Am embryologist friend of mine said conception is like rolling a dice so I guess I hope I just roll a lucky number next time!

How are you feeling about your new pregnancy? I think I read you're getting progesterone. Do you have a date for the scan? Xx

Sorry @Laney79 just saw it's next Wednesday. I hope it goes well and you get some reassurance. Also really interested in the Tommy's study on progesterone. I'm not sure it would help me next time as mine was mmc and the lab report said the pregnancy they removed looked normal in terms of lining and how the placenta was interacting with the baby. The doc said likely my hormones were all normal. I also had hypermesis so was very sick from the positive test to my surgery. Not sure if that means enough progesterone or not. I also have a long luteal phase with no spotting. Not sure what all this means but will definitely ask the doc when I get a bfp again! Xx

thanks @Carley321

@Catconfusion I was extremely anxious but hopeful about this one as I actually "felt" pregnant for the first time yesterday but I've just been to the loo and there was the tiniest amount of creamy/brown tinged cm...and that's exactly what happened with my second loss at roughly the same point (I'm 42 dats in, last time I got the cm on day 46) so my world is starting to unravel again. My scan is Wednesday when I should be 6+4 according to LMP. I'll get progesterone if I start to bleed or if that scan shows a viable pregnancy they prescribe it just in case for when I'm on holiday. But as I say, not sure any of that will happen on the basis of this morning. I'll see if I get more brown today. This is just so hard. 😢😢😢

I'm having a tough morning. I think af is due over the weekend. I've got similar sensations as I had when I was pregnant (not this early though) so hoped we'd concieved. Bfn this morning :( it's my first full cycle since the mmc and we won't even be able to try next cycle due to the hsg. Feeling very hopeless right now :( just burst into tears, so I'm guessing that's pmt, which I don't usually get, great. sorry to be on such a downer.

Oh no @Laney79 I'm so sorry to hear that. It's simply not fair. I really hope it's not the same this time and just some old blood coming away. All you can do is look after yourself and try and stay calm. I can imagine it's really tough though. Is there any way you can be seen by EPU early to start the progesterone now? Sending love and hugs! Xx

I'm sorry @VenusStarr it's horrible how the hormones make it feel even worse. I just had my first full cycle after my mmc and cp and it absolutely floored me. On day one all I could do was lay on the sofa and cry. I felt I had no control over this. All you can do is ride it out and stay as positive as possible. It's good you're getting some tests done next cycle but I completely get the frustration of not being able to try. Last cycle I ovulated on the day DH has his SA so we couldn't dtd at the best time. It was so annoying as I had a blazing Opk and we couldn't do anything. At least we now know there's not something male factor going on I guess! It's hard to remember but you will feel better in a few days. Xx

Thank you @Catconfusion. I struggled all morning to keep my emotions in check but feeling better now and have been productive at work. Af hasn't started yet and all the cramps have stopped. It is still a bit early but I'm anticipating my cycles will be off for a while. Still feeling very sad.

Hope you're OK @Laney79. I'm hoping that it's nothing sinister and all will be OK 💜 x

@Laney79 I've got everything crossed for you. I had about a week of very light brown tinged CM around 5-6 weeks so although I understand you thinking the worst, it really might not be (I assumed mine was old blood from implantation & my GP was not concerned) 🤞🤞🍀🍀🍀💐

@VenusStarr crossing everything for you too. I hope you manage to have a nice weekend 💐

Xx

@Catconfusion I think I'd save your pennies on the extra tests for as long as you can too - hopefully you won't need to pay for any tests at all 🤞🏻🍀

Sorry to hear you're feeling like AF is around the corner @VenusStarr 💐 I hope she stays away.x

Like @Weathergirl1 says @Laney79, I hope brown CM is a early pregnancy thing and nothing to worry about.x

How's the TWW going @Carley32? Is the wine still calling?! 🍾🥂😉

Well, unsurprisingly it's CD1 here (despite SSP having a really good go at convincing me otherwise 🤪) 🙄 I'm definitely thinking this quote sums up my TTC journey perfectly 😏 Fuck it. It's Friday and the gin is winking at me - cheers ladies! 🍸😉

Thanks ladies. It was a very anxious day. Just trying to stay positive and hope the scan goes ok. Obvious inspecting the knickers/loo paper like a forensic scientist. 🥴🤪

@Catconfusion my epau nurse is on leave so as things are ok at the mo I've left it till the scan on weds.

@VenusStarr how are you doing?

@Weathergirl1 when is your scan?

@BambiOnIce80 hope the gin went down well! Xxx

Hi

Hi @BambiOnIce80 it’s as crazy as ever, although looking back I’m having almost the same symptoms as this time in my cycle previous months so not much hope. Holding back on the wine is a bloody killer especially now it’s bank holiday. How did the Gin go down?

I’m sorry af showed up 😟 damn her!! Although I’m sure I’m not far behind. Oh well a new cycle, a new chance?

Sorry about the bfn @VenusStarr. How are you feeling today?

So I’m still tracking every bloody thing that I can and noticed that over the last couple of months, since wearing my smart watch to bed. My bpm definitely spike the 1 or 2 fldays I get a bfp opk by about 2 bpm and then dips down straight after. So I’m wondering weather this is a sign of ov or not. I haven’t quite figured out what happens at this time in my cycle with it yet mind lol.

Hi all, still no af :( just feel really sad. Sad that we didn't conceive this month and sad for the baby we lost. I'm upset and scared about the tests. Just feel exhausted by it all. Just bulk ordered folic acid and ubiquinol as we're in this for the long haul. We'll be on cycle 18.

On the plus side I wrote out what I think I need, which has helped me focus a bit. Going to take it to counselling next week to see how to explore some of the noise that's constantly in my head.

We're off holiday shopping this morning. Thanks for asking after me @BambiOnIce80 @Laney79 @Carley321 @Weathergirl1 :)

Sorry af arrived @BambiOnIce80, I joined you on a rhubarb and ginger gin last night, was lovely :)

Hope the spotting has eased @Laney79, is your scan next week? I really hope you get positive news, will be thinking of you x

Where are you in your cycle @Carley321? I'm going to try to relax with the tracking next cycle. Its absolutely driven me crazy. And I'm definitely not testing early ever again. I had a squinter on an asda test and nothing on frer. From now on I'm only using frer and they are so expensive.

@Pinkywoo you're getting married soon! How are you feeling? X

@Weathergirl1 hope you're doing well

Have a lovely Saturday everyone. It's my niece's birthday today so off to her tea party later :)

Holiday booked 😎 ☀ not long to wait. Off to majorca in a couple of weeks. Definitely helps to have something to look forward to.

Hi @VenusStarr sorry your so down 😟. I hope you feel a little better soon.
I am cd24 6dpo (I think) I caved and did a cheaply test... bfn. I know it was silly but we have tried so hard this cycle and it’s been talked about so much that I just caved. 😟 it’s tough isn’t it.
I wish I could just forget about it for a month and relax with it. But because I’m so irregular it’s like I need to know what’s happening.
You say you had a squinter on a test? Could that be something though? When was af due? I’m really sorry if you’ve mentioned when, but I often read quickly whilst in work and forget bits and bobs.

Oo holiday sounds fab. We weren’t going away this year but as these failed attempts keep coming the idea is getting much more appealing. Maybe we’ll book last minute.

Thanks @Carley321. Af made a large appearance at my niece's party, along with some hideous cramping. I didn't trust the squinter as frer was negative - that was in a cheaper asda test. Doubt there's anyone at the hospital today but will try and call to book the hsg.

Totally can relate to the testing when you've tried hard and can't stop thinking about it. 6dpo is so early though so try not to worry. Got my fingers crossed that you have good news soon 🤞 When is af due?

Definitely recommend booking something last minute. We're restricted on dates (dh is in hospitality) but managed to find a reasonable deal. It's great to have something to look forward to. Am ignoring that af will arrive mid-holiday! And we can't ttc due to the hsg anyway but trying to see that as not a bad thing :)

Oh no sorry about af @VenusStarr what a 🤬. Yea I know it’s still early. But I am going for a meal with my friends tonight and just can’t bear to sit there being questioned as to why I’m the only one without a glass of wine 🙈.
But I read that alcohol can interfere with implantation.... I know I’m an absolute google nutcase. So just already stress about it. I’m not 100% when af is due but if I did ov it will be around day 30. So 5 days time (if I go by last month that is).

I think your holiday timing is a good thing. At least you can spend some time with DP without ttc being the main focus. Plus you get to have a few drinks in the sun. Perfecto 😊☀️

Sorry to hear AF turned up @VenusStarr, but very exciting about the holiday! 🤩 Some R&R sounds like just what the doctor ordered 🙂

How'd you get on with not drinking with your friends @Carley32? Mine would smell a rat immediately if I didn't drink, so think I'm going to start intermittently not drinking with an excuse of "I need to be on form for a run tomorrow" or whatever so that they're less suspicious when I don't drink (trying to give up completely on the months leading up to IVF 😖😟😖😟).

So. Came back home on Friday to our (massive!) letter from the IVF clinic with our appointment/treatment plan... Initial appointment is the end of September 😕 What the hell happened to "fast-tracked initial appointment within 3 weeks"?! 🤨 Rang and spoke to the (very nice and helpful) nurse co-ordinator today and she said the reason for the extremely delayed appointment is that the whole clinic is closing for "essential works" over the summer, which has obviously knocked all their treatment plans out of whack (god help the guys on the NHS waiting list!!). She said to ring every month to see if there's a cancellation to be seen sooner, but if not then we're basically looking at December/January to have the IVF 🙄

Didn't know the reason for the delay at the weekend, but still sat with DP and talked through what we feel about it (we were kind of thinking IVF would happen somewhere between August and October 😏). I'm disappointed because I thought it'd be over, one way or another, sooner rather than later... but on the other hand, it gives us longer to save the money for it and we don't have any plans/foreign travel for December/January, which means it's easier to keep those months free for the many appointments required for the treatment. So I guess it's practically a good thing that it's so delayed, but I definitely feel like I'm stuck in TTC limbo for the next 5 to 6 months 🙄 Just need to try and focus on the positives, I guess 😏

Oh @BambiOnIce80 that is 💩. The only good thing about it is that it gives you another 6 months to ttc naturally and save up.

I have been having a horrible cycle. Spotting started too early and apart from 2 days of 'intense spotting' (but lighter than period ) for one week it now stopped and ewcm started 🤨🙈. I don't know what's going on but I'm dreading it's menopause symptoms. First ivf appointment in a weeks time. In the meantime I have been listening to the BFN podcast and loving it 🧡 🎧

Hello @BambiOnIce80 my friends would also know something is up immediately if I didn’t drink. Although Iv been cutting down on our previous outings (still to be questioned what’s up) lol. I had a glass of wine and spent the night topping it up with lemonade. I’m pretty sure I was busted but no one questioned it anyway. I’ve been feeling nothing but guilt since though, because at the end of the day I still let alcohol touch my lips 😟. Yea it is a good plan to get a head start on it, I think I will gradually drink less and less until i can just say I’ve gone off it completely. I don’t run 🙈. But good plan for you lol. Good luck x

Sorry about the delay with Ivf but like @Quantum said, at least you know where you are heading and will have a bit more time to try naturally and save. I hope it all works out for. It’s very exciting to know where you are heading with it all though 😁.

I have been told by my doctor in the past to just forget about it all until it happens and not dwell on the stuff in between. Easier said than done though I guess! I wish it were that simple lol.

I am going a little crazy over it all, I even found myself planning my own baby shower whilst getting ready this morning, until I realised what I was doing and give myself a much needed mental slap! Bloody crazy!

This time has been the longest yet since starting I think. Between bank hol and a week off work, it’s torture!

Very strange @QuantumGirl. I bet you are very cautiously excited to crack on with the ivf plan though! Keeping everything crossed for you. X

Thanks @QuantumGirl and @Carley32 ❤️ It is indeed 💩, despite the silver lining of allowing more time to save up... I'll also be 5-6 months closer to 40, which I'm worrying will further trash my chances of it working 😔 The only other option is to go for the full-on private option, but I couldn't pin them down to giving me a 'worst case' IVF quote which makes me not trust them 😒 I really do just need to try and focus on the positives of waiting until the end of the year and stop tying my mind in knots! 🤯🤪

Sorry your cycle is messing you about @QuantumGirl 💐 Excellent timing with the IVF appointment next week though 🙂 I'm keeping everything crossed that they'll get your TTC show on the road/back on track 🍀🍀🍀

What CD are you now @Carley32? I'm hoping you will be planning that baby shower soon 🔮🤞🏻x

Good luck with the ivf appointment @QuantumGirl. I hope they come up with a good plan for you. Sounds like your cycle is stressful. I haven't been tracking mine for the last three months or so and it's really nice to let go for a bit. I'm in China for work during my next fertile week so I have no chance to TTC before my ivf appointment at the end of June. I'm really hoping they give me an idea of egg numbers at my scan and it's not just a cursory check for fibroids etc.

@BambiOnIce80 that's really frustrating to have to wait so long! Remind me again what you're doing - is this private? I thought the nhs fobbed you off for another while?

@Carley321 I've got a lot of alcoholics in my family so I regularly stop drinking (just to make sure I can!) and am currently three months in to my latest dry spell, so all my friends are used to me not drinking, and no one ever questions my reasons. It's quite handy.

@QuantumGirl - out of interest, are you having any peri menopausal symptoms? I am having bouts of pure rage ( I told my allotment neighbour, an old man in his sixties, to get fucked yesterday as he made a comment about me not being up for a while), and I get bouts of teariness (not like me, I usually cry every few years), and I'm starting to forget the names of things and people, which I'm usually also really good at. My night sweats have stopped since I stopped drinking, so that's good at least. I'm definitely holding onto weight more and also my joints are getting creakier. Hard to know how much of this is peri, or just general age related stuff.