35+ TTC#1 Thread 6

[BambiOnIce80]

Spring is in the air and it's time for a new thread!

Basically: a wonderful bunch of ladies supporting each other through the TTC journey when trying for a first baby after 35.

Here's hoping we get some spring BFP luck for all of us!! 🍀🐣🍀🐣

Nothing specific planned @Kescilly except for looking at nice things and eating 😋 DP hasn't visited any of them before, so it should be a nice time 😊 We have actually booked a mini-break for as soon as DP's family are out of the door 😂 How'd your GTT go?x

I have to say that is a bit mind blowing @VenusStarr (in a good way, of course!). I thought superfetation was mainly a thing in other mamnals instead of humans? Theoretically, our progesterone goes high and stays high in pregnancy, which halts our cycles and prevents ovulation (which is basically the BC mechanism of the mini pill and the mirena coil)... but we all know that our bodies like to do weird 💩 just to 🤬 with us, so who knows?! 🤯 Apparently it's a thing in humans to ovulate twice in a cycle, so I wonder if you actually have had 2 embryo's in there nearly thd whole time, it's just this one was far too small to see when you were first scanned because they were late to the party? If you didn't speak to a doc this time, maybe jot your questions down when you've had time to digest all that was said at your appointment and put it to one next time for peace of mind?

It's CD29 here @birdbybird, 13dpo (which is a longer cycle for me but not unheard of). Heart rate is nowhere near as high as what @Weathergirl1 reported (it's only about 5bpm on average higher than previous cycles), but temp is stubbornly still up 🌡️My inner symptom spotting psycho has been making me dream about taking my sodding temp for the last 2 nights and the thermometer not working - stress dream, anyone?! 🤪 My boobs are nowhere near as tender and I've got all the little 'AF is almost here' symptoms, so expecting a temp drop tomorrow to put me out of my misery. It better had, otherwise I'm going to have to be a responsible adult and suffer through POAS and getting a BFN so that I can enjoy my gin festival tomorrow guilt free! 🍸😬 Hope you have better luck than me and AF stays away 🤞🏻🍀

That makes sense @BambiOnIce80 I hope you're right. Not seen a doctor at all yet. I just can't get my head round that it took us 16 cycles to get a bfp, then it was failing (with no actual baby in the sac) so tried to get our heads round that and now there is the beginnings of a baby with dates that don't match anything and conceived whilst technically impossible! If this pregnancy continues and is successful I think we will have an actual living miracle. Good idea about the questions, they're all just buzzing round my head at the moment!

Saw that you're going to poas @BambiOnIce80, is that in the morning? Fingers crossed for you x

@BambiOnIce80 it went as well as it could have. I felt quite dizzy and exhausted after, so I don’t know if that’s a bad sign. Either way I’ll find out soon!

Good luck for POAS, and otherwise enjoy your gin festival!

I was wondering the same thing about @VenusStarr, if it was missed the first time around. There was recently an article about a woman in Bangladesh who gave birth to a baby. She went to the hospital a month later because of stomach pains or something, they discovered she had an unusually shaped uterus. I think it was either one that was divided or at least somewhat separated? And it turned out there were twins on the other side and they were delivered by c-section! Can you imagine?

That's brilliant (and unusual) news @VenusStarr! 🌟 Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly for you now

@Kescilly we're off to Sicily to visit DP's family in July, I'm hoping it won't be too boiling this time as I'll be 24 weeks when we fly out, and 27 on the way back Oh and we're going to Edinburgh to get married in May!

@Kescilly the nurse did say the sonographer thought my uterus was possibly heart shaped - which has never been mentioned before?! I mean I had a scan 2 weeks ago and one before Christmas so you think that would've been noted. I do know it's tilted as well, can't remember which way and I have read that that can cause issues with scans. The only thing flummoxing me is the dates, I mean it's 4 weeks out and would mean I got a strong positive before conception

Thank you @Pinkywoo, you've got lots of exciting things coming up, :) how's the wedding plans?

@BambiOnIce maybe although that seems a little tricky right now. It’s strange though!

Keeping my 🤞 that you get a bfp if you manage to test tomorrow. But if now bloody enjoy that Gin lady!

@Kescilly did you use opks? I can’t quite remember?

Well I’m only 8dpo so still early to test? But I have a feeling af will show before there’s any need to. Been having a few cramps and similar symptoms to last cycle
Thinking it will show next week. CD32 here (bloody body of mine).

We are thinking of Cornwall at Easter and maybe a few weekend breaks over the summer, Italy and Amsterdam are standing out at the moment.

@VenusStarr that's crazy but amazing news 🤞 xx

@Pinkywoo lush plans ahead I’m sure a break in Sicily before the little one comes along, will be just perfect.

@VenusStarr most things are sorted thanks, DP's birth certificate has FINALLY arrived from Italy so I can send it off, and I need shoes!

Hi ladies. Sorry I've been awol. It's been a very tough couple of days. Spent most of it sobbing or trying not to.
I feel really let down. Basically if I'd never fallen pregnant the nhs would help me even at 39, but because I have, despite the fact they both died, I'm no longer eligible for help. I'm not even asking for fertility treatment-just some help to understand what's happening with my cycles/hormones from someone who specialises in the field. To just help me feel better and have a chance at having a healthy baby.
The fertility doctor is £240 for 30 mins. My OH isn't too keen as he's worried they'll just fob us off with the same "you're old, you've had two miscarriages, it takes time, it's just bad luck"😡 which may just push me over the edge. The local fertility clinic has an open evening on weds so we're going to that. I just hope I can get some idea of what to do next.
I've been researching and reading a lot. My GP dismissed my day three hormone results but now I've looked into it more deeply I can see there's definitely a problem. My prolactin and oestradiol are far too high for day three, my SHBG is out of range so is probably causing my low testosterone/FAI. Apparently if I was an ivf patient, With those hormone levels on day three, they wouldn't even attempt treatment as it wouldn't work. I just don't know what to do about it.
As much as it petrifies me I've booked in for acupuncture next week. I've warned her I'm hugely needle phobic but she says she can handle that. 🤔 I hope so.

Thanks to you all for being so kind - I'm sorry to be so down and not to reply to everyone. I just feel like my chances of ever being a mom are dropping like a stone and those that could help me, won't.

@VenusStarr I'm keeping fingers crossed that it is a little miracle for you. your news is the one thing that's made me smile through the darkness so Thankyou.

Hi @Laney79 I'm so sorry to hear your GP is being so unhelpful. Is there a different GP you could see in the practice? I've just discovered we have a gynae specialist GP at mine, who knew! She's much more helpful. Or could you change practices? I'm surprised they won't give you at least a gynae referral based on your irregular cycles. I got one at years ago just based on irregular periods and I wasn't trying to conceive. It makes me so cross that conceiving even if it fails to progress means you don't get fertility support. If you had completely regular cycles with bang on normal bloods I could maybe understand better but you're clearly concerned and distressed. I'm not saying there is something wrong but it needs investigating as you want a family as soon as possible. They should be supporting you for your mental health and to improve your chances of conceiving. Could you put a complaint in with the practice manager? Xx

@Catconfusion that's the thing. My GP is actually really kind, she's been brilliant with me in so many ways (including helping me find a way to circumvent the system to see the consultant after my second loss) and she even apologised that she couldn't do more several times whilst I was there. The impression I got was that it's the nhs system. Basically in our area they are getting stricter and stricter on what they'll pay for and often referrals are sent via an assessment centre-so even if your gP wants to refer you this assessment centre can bounce it back unless you fulfill the criteria set by the local CCG. I've actually contacted the ccg to ask specifically about referral criteria for fertility investigation but not treatment - I do feel I should be eligible for that at least.

I do feel let down about the blood results, but then again as she's not a specialist maybe she doesn't know/understand them. It felt so rushed on weds and I was so upset.

I find it so difficult to trust medics with my phobia, and this just doesn't help.

@Laney79 did the consultant sign you off from their care? Was the consultant helpful?

It may be the GP didn't completely understand the results. I've found as nice as most doctors are there can be a world of difference between their interpretations of bloods.

I really hope you get some answers from CCG and hopefully another referral! Xx

Hi @Laney79 - sorry to hear of what you're going through. I also thought my GP wasn't taking my concerns seriously and so complained verbally to the practice manager. Later that day I received a call from the GP to book blood tests and an appointment with an infertility clinic. So I second @Catconfusion's suggestion about speaking to the practice manager.

@BambiOnIce80 Are you still planning POAS this morning?

@Laney79 sending you love ❤️ I'm so sorry you're having such a difficult time. I hope that we both have our little miracles. Just to say about acupuncture, I had it for around 6 months last year and it was good. Only a couple of times I felt them going in but more mild discomfort rather than pain and it passed quickly. Hope that reassures you. X

I've got acupuncture booked for Monday as well @Laney79 📍👍 Specialist natural fertility clinic this time, so tentatively hopeful. I've got the luxury of not being needle phobic, but I really haven't found it to be uncomfortable before - really hope it helps you relax rather than makes you feel uncomfortable🤞🏻I totally get you on the CCG frustrations front 😏 My GP felt we should be eligible for IVF very quickly because of our long (but separate 🙄) TTC/infertility histories, but the ACU didn't see it that way and we've got to wait at least another year for our NHS shot at IVF 😔 I'm 38 now, but will likely be 40 by the time I get my turn at IVF, so my chances of success will be halved... I just can't bring myself to bypass the NHS process 😣 I've been pretty pragmatic all this time about not being able to get pregnant, but I think if I sink a chunk of my savings into private IVF only for it to fail it'll be the straw that breaks the camels back and it'll totally slay me 😔 I don't know. I'm not ready to make a decision either way just yet. I'll need to at my next fertility appointment in May though (not looking forward to it at all!).

@birdbybird, my body was kind to me this morning! Temp drop of 0.2°C followed by having to leg it to the loo because AF was very much so turning up! Saved me the trauma of a BFN, so grateful for that. How's your temps looking?x

@BambiOnIce80 I'm sorry AF turned up :(

My temperature is still higher than cover line, although has dropped 0.1°C day since yesterday. Am feeling a bit bloated. FertilityFriend is estimating I ovulated 12 days ago based on the temperature rise. But I have a dashed line, as the +OPK was 15 days ago. Which is what made me look up whether there can be a delayed temp rise following ovulation. According to FF, AF will arrive on Tuesday, but I think it could be any time between now and Tuesday.

@Catconfusion the consultant was great in lots of ways (did a few bloods to apease my anxiety over clotting, and agreed to do an elective section should I ever get to term due to my phobia) but I do feel that my age and the fact I have no kids, two losses back to back and that Tommy's would accept me should've been enough for him to agree to refer. I think he discharged me. Said I could contact with any questions but it felt like lip service if I'm honest. It's the system that's the issue for me.

I'm hoping the fertility open evening may be able to offer more guidance.

Thanks @birdbybird I think I'll see what happens on weds but I may send a note to the GP querying my bloods again and asking her for a form to repeat them next cycle so I don't have to pay again.

@VenusStarr positive experiences do help, Thankyou.

@BambiOnIce80 sorry about AF. I'm really annoyed on your behalf over the IVF...I do think some of these rules are too rigid-the clinicians should have leeway as it could be mental health reasons too. Ultimately by delaying as you say they are dropping the chances of success. Any point in requesting them to reconsider or even an individual funding request? Seems crazy that the delay could end up costing the system more as it's more likely to work now! I spend half my life reading board papers for ccgs and health trusts (I'm a journalist) so I know just how tricksy the systems are, and have become more so in recent years as budgets have been squeezed.

Cyber hugs to you @Laney79 sorry your having such a tough time.

Sorry that af turned up @BambiOnIce80 she’s such an evil 🤬. But glass half full.... did you make the most of the Gin, and enjoy your day out? Hope your head isn’t to sore today 🤪.

Well feeling a little shitty here today too, af not quite here yet, but that dreaded stomachache certainly is, so she won’t be far behind... I kind of knew there wasn’t much of a chance but had built my hopes up slightly. So feeling royaly 🤬 off!!

Also strange for the last 4 cycles I have been ill when af is due, 3 colds and a stomach bug. This also irritates me!

Sorry ladies rant over just feeling so shit that yet another month has passed by and dreading the mental torture that lies ahead!

Hope you are all enjoying the weekend 💐

@Laney79 I think you're right that all those factors should get you a referral. Age should be taken very seriously. We want to conceive now, not in a few years time when risk factors are higher. It's actually beneficial for the NHS to support women in their late 30s to get pregnant for fewer complications (not to say pregnancy over 40 always has complications, just more risk). Waiting acerbates our problems as maternal age progresses so it seems counterintuitive to not refer and treat quickly.

Could you contact the consultant and ask him about your blood results? I don't understand why you've been discharged while you're still trying to get pregnant. You need the support now! Xx

I'm tempted to send him a letter doing just that @Catconfusion

I think the reason I've been discharged is because of the reason I first saw him. Basically because of my medical phobia I did acres is research to decide if I could even cope with the process of pregnancy and birth before I came off the pill. Despite the highly medicalised situation of a section I decided that it was the lesser of two evils in that it offered much more control and opportunity to prepare myself and design coping mechanisms than a vaginal birth which can turn in a split second. I checked all the local policies, nice guidance etc and was confident that I'd be able to argue my case should I fall pregnant.

Then I was at work a couple of months after my first loss and was reading the ccg board papers and discovered they'd changed the policy-meaning they wouldn't fund maternal request sections. I went ballistic. I emailed the woman in charge of the Local maternity System, the clinical lead and accountable officer. I was obv very distressed as I'd recently lost bean and that felt like they were taking away my chosen way of having a baby that I believed would protect my mental health. Long story short they ended up clocking my distress and spoke to the director of maternity at my trust who agreed to see me at his birth options clinic even before I was pregnant. As it turns out I fell pregnant anyway and had the appt the day before my scan that showed I was losing a second time.

Then, because I'd lost again I hit a very low point, and desperately needed answers, particularly about clotting as there's such a strong history in my family. My GP said as I'd been seen recently by the consultant to try contacting him direct to see if he'd agree to run some tests as the referral from her would be rejected. So a combination of a very teary phone call and the backing of my Epas nurse led to a few tests and another appt. he was very kind but he made it clear he didn't believe my losses warranted a referral to Tommy's. Those two hateful words "bad luck" again.

But since then I'm now having this issue with cycles. I decided yesterday to ditch the pregnacare and coq10. I fell with my first in just vit D and folic acid, and had only been on pregnacare about 12 days when I found out I was pregnant a second time. So I'm going to strip it back and see if that helps. I'm nervous as part of me says I need the extra supplements to avoid miscarriage and improve egg quality, but then that's pointless if I can't conceive.

Howdy ladies. I have noticed some spotting in my underwear which has me excited and also worried.

Now, a little backstory. The last several months my cycle has been pretty consistently 30 days. I think once it may have been 31, but 30 days is pretty consistent. Now, my OV day is typically slightly later than normal...in the 16-18 range. Now, if you do the math, that means my LP is typically 12-14 days, which is relatively normal. However, this month, I got my OV late...somewhere around CD 19-20. I am currently 9 dpo.

Based on my normal cycle, I was due to get my next AF on 4/2. But, since OV came late, I would have expected my cycle to go long too. I'm kind of torn. Starting tomorrow or Tuesday Cd 28/29 would certainly be within normal cycle parameters, but it would also been a pretty short LP which does worry me. I don't really want my cycle to go long, bc I do value my consistency, and I really don't want to wonder if this month will be 30 or 28 or 35.

Heck, maybe this is implantation bleeding and I won't have to worry about it (but I am certainly not thinking so or getting any hopes up)

@WrexhamBuxom fingers crossed for you!!! Kind of in the same situation minus the spotting! Unfortunately I'm not sure about cycle length because I came off the pill in October and it has just recently gone back to fairly normal, but last month was a 30 day cycle with CD23 as OV day, and now I am currently on CD33 with CD26 as OV day.

My temp has been very high (this morning too), so hopefully AF won't show her face!!

Good luck to us 😄

@SunStruck

Yes, of course. Good luck to you as well.

It's kind of weird. I don't know if it is cold feet or what. But, now that I am in the position where it's like....is this IB or is it AF? I find myself rooting for AF. I am thinking of me and my partner's non-parenting life and how much more of life we have to experience and do together.

I don't want this to be the end of our romance, you know?

@WrexhamBuxom I am planning on testing in a day or two, AF due tomorrow. Feel less guilty knowing I'm not the only one feeling that way!

Oh I get that sinking feeling everytime the signs look hopeful that 'this is it' @WrexhamBuxom and @birdbybird! 😂 It's been a while, but with the slightly late AF and HR/temp being well and truly up this time, I really did think I was in with a chance of a BFP... and then, sure enough, I'm awake at 3am in a cold sweat thinking "💩. I'm really happy with our life as it is!!". Then AF rocks up and I'm disappointed/crest-fallen 🙄 Totally conflicted! 🤪

And my hangover has just about gone, thanks for asking @Carley32 🤕😉 Had a brilliant time though, so it was actually worth it 😄 Sorry you're feeling crappy 💐 Is AF staying away?x

This is a bit random, but is everyone getting enough iodine? I was disturbed to realize that your average table salt isn’t iodised here and that the main source of iodine is milk. Not everyone drinks milk!

It won’t help you conceive, but it’s important when you’re pregnant and just in general. I was reading about how there were a few studies done of pregnant women at a few hospitals and many of them had an iodine deficiency. I’m used to the US where we fortify our bread and flour with folic acid, put Vitamin D in the milk, and have iodized table salt. So I’m worried that people here aren’t getting everything they need!

@PinkyWoo ooh getting close to your wedding! Are you all sorted for it? Hope your trip in July goes smoothly as well. I’m a bit worried about it getting warm in the hospital when I deliver, it was already really warm with fans going the other day!

@VenusStarr how are you doing? Feeling okay so far? It’s weird they never mentioned anything to you based on previous scans, but maybe it’s not always obvious? I think you probably have a retroverted uterus if it’s more difficult to see. I apparently have the opposite which made scans easier but the nurse here said my smear was more difficult and she couldn’t do it. Which was also weird as I had been going in the US since I was 18 and no one said anything or had a problem there.

@Carley32 we went straight for the Clear Blue monitor. So OPKs of a different sort.

Cornwall at Easter sounds gorgeous! Hopefully the weather will be on your side.

@Laney79 sorry they’ve put you through so much. It sounds like you should be okay without the supplements but I know it can be stressful not knowing if you’re doing everything that you can.

I really hate the way women’s mental health is disregarded in issues of fertility (not to mention other areas). I feel like women already carry so much of the mental/emotional/physical burden of TTC, and then aren’t properly supported. It doesn’t matter if miscarriage is common, it’s still traumatizing.