The July 19ers - STILL never beaten, and rocking our FJs for a lucky thread

[Frazzlerock]

Here it is! Our lucky one 🤞

@rose those are just internet cheapies.... but seem quite good about £5 for 30 (I have amazon prime I'm not sure how much if you don't?!)
30 x One Step Highly Sensitive... https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001G7P62S?ref=yopoppmashare

It's not that I don't mind them knowing, it's how to bring that up...
basically my department consists of 3 teams - we all do the same job but it has to have 3 teams to cover 8am-10pm 7 days a week.
My team know.... it's he other 2 teams that don't (that's only another 6 people total!) but I dont really get any 'quiet time' like meetings or even popping out to a visit together etc.
I've dropped hints like 'while I was off after my surgery...' hoping someone would go 'I thought you were off with stress...' and it starts the convo... but no one has! I don't want to make the MC announcement, esp 6 weeks later as it seems a bit 'old news' I guess unless you are living it x

@Tigsy the next time someone says you should 'pop one out' is your perfect opportunity!

I know I should have said something but it was a bit of a joking conversation about how to get out of work 😂 and it would have really pissed on the fire.... ok ok I bottled it lol x

Hi all. What a day........honestly. I'm go to write a very "me" post and I apologise now but feel I need to get it all off my chest!

Like I said before, I am a Deputy Head in a large Secondary school (it's a 3-18 school with 1700 students in total) and about 1000 in Secondary. I have worked really hard to get where I am at 36 - I have been a Head of Dept, Head of Year, Assistant Head and now here. I've been at my current school for 7 years at the end of this academic year and have always enjoyed it as I like the challenge and the busyness of it all. But I am really beginning to reach the end. I hate it at times for all kinds of reasons, none of which I can really put on here but it's very stressful, very demanding and very emotionally draining. It's not like working in the UK and I don't deal with students who have parents doing drugs etc but there are all kinds of other issues. We are really high performing as a school etc etc.

When I was pregnant from Jan-March last year and Oct-Dec last year I worried the whole time about work, which is ridiculous as I want to have a family more than anything. But I don't know how having children will fit into our lives which is why we have put it off until I am 36 almost 37 and we should have done it 10 years ago. But I digress......I get to work for 7am and leave about 5pm and then I work in the evening but I have cut this right back. I often have evening things at school - for example next week I have an information evening from 6pm-8pm so I will be at work from 7am-8pm and then the same again on Wednesday. We have been asked (the executive team) to come into work on Saturday (your version of Sunday) to work on something big that is happening at the moment. How would I do all of that if I had a child at nursery etc?!

Obviously we would find a way and work would probably give me some kind of consideration. I know that money isn't everything and I could give it up my husband would never agree to that and we have all kinds of financial plans to pay things off. And I know that I am in a really lucky position where we both have jobs that are reasonably well paid.

But then I felt really guilty each time I had a miscarriage as I felt that I had worried about work and maybe it was sign that I shouldn't be a mother. I can't believe I am writing all of this as it sounds terrible when I put it down, but it is how I have felt at times. Because loads of people with demanding jobs have babies and things adapt etc.

Then there is the issue that I really want to move from where I am as I don't like it anymore. But I put off applying for 2 really good jobs last year that I think I could have got in schools I would prefer as I was pregnant at the time and it would have been difficult. So I decided to stay and take the maternity leave and then both times it ended up with nothing anyway. So I am stuck in a job I don't want to do because I thought I would have a baby and have something else to focus on but now I don't have that either!!!

I applied for a job 2 weeks ago and haven't heard anything back which is a shame as I think I am more qualified and have more experience than most other people who will apply so it's back to the drawing board. I would love to change careers but I've never had a secret hobby I could turn into a business or any kind of back up plan.

But TTC is also not compatible with working 13 hour days and then the commute on top of it. I started my acupuncture again on the weekend, was then meant to go again on Wednesday and had to cancel it as I had to work late, rearranged for today and then had to cancel again as the meeting went on too late this afternoon. The appointment is rearranged for Sat and then I was told today I have to go to work on Saturday!!!

ARRGHHHHHHHHH

I am aware this is the longest essay ever, and I don't really think anyone will have the answer for me. But I just wanted to put it out there and I think/hope I will feel better for at least expressing how I felt about the guilt and the mc and my job!!!

Sorry everyone. I will try and reply to other posts later or tomorrow and not just be all selfish :-(

I also can't write.....just read through my post and I have missed out various words. I think I'm tired and I've had a gin!

Also.....I just want to add I'm not drunk and it wasn't a drunk post! I've had one gin and tonic, after dinner on a full stomach. I just can't write. And now I am going to stop writing posts.....

Oh @edidxb I've no advice, just want you to know I've read it and understand it all. It doesn't sound like a drunk post at all!
I'm here in solidarity and wish I had something constructive to respond with. I can imagine it's all very draining for you. You sound like you need a break xx

@edidxb
I can't understand from a 'management' point of view, but I do get it! I was supposed to go through a promotion selection process in November but pulled out because I was pregnant and part of the promotion 'deal' in the police is that a) you go wherever, to do whatever the organisation says. You are basically in a pot to fill holes (that could be 24/7 shifts etc) or b)if you aren't successful you have to go on a development plan and jump through a load of hoops and do meaningless projects and brown nose etc to show you are developing.... both of which mean it's not comparable with being PG or having a young child! So I pulled out thinking the role I'm in despite hating it, is quite child friendly (I never work nights and work 1/3 weekends)... what happens then... bam! MC!!
Now I'm in a role I hate and not PG... back to square 1!
I don't know what to advise you, I just wanted you to know you aren't alone xx

With you ratherbe re ‘this day can actually fuck off’... don’t know what is wrong with me today but I could cry at anything and everything. Bearly been holding the tears back in important meetings.

I’m on a secondment at the moment and the lady sponsoring our project is a total ocd nightmare. I almost told her to F right off and do things herself if nothing is ever right. I’ve moved the same box on a process map 4 times now and we’re actually back to where it bloody started!!! So had enough. To be fair, one of her reports told me she’s unbearable so I don’t think it is just me.

Went for a walk at lunch to calm down but ended up sat on a bench by the canal balling my eyes out. I’m really hoping this is all hormone related and not just me having a breakdown!

And breathe... I feel a bit better now... !

Ah, thanks @Frazzlerock I appreciate it. @tigsyboo I can really identify with what you say about passing up a promotion. I had the opportunity to be a Head of Secondary last year and I passed it up as I just couldn't have done it.
I don't think I could deal with the uncertainty that you describe. I don't like to lose control which is why I do well in education as I keep control all day!
@buggles1 sometimes a cry and walk is all you need. I hope you feel better now xxx

Completely get where you're coming from @tigsy and @edidxb - I was waiting until after mat leave to go fully self-employed as I have an excellent mat package where I am. Now I'm sat here wondering if I should just be bold and take the plunge or stay with a good thing.
I feel like my life is on hold until I have a baby. Which I don't want it to be.

Oh @buggles I'm sorry your feeling shit too. She sounds like a right witch!

Hope you felt better after your walk? I called DH sobbing and did feel a bit better after a cry and a rant.

Boobs are feeling really sore today. They usually start to get sore about 2-3 days before AF. Surely it would be too early if I was pregnant? I'm only 5dpo. Hope the mc hasn't messed up all my usual post-O symptoms.

@edidxb I don't have a huge amount of time to write but just wanted to say I totally relate to your post - re feeling so conflicted about knowing you have a 'good' job that you've worked hard to achieve, and managing the change pre- and post- DC. FWIW I very nearly chucked in my job (career? 12yrs as a military aviator is prob classed as one of those) after 1yr of trying (and not succeeding) to conceive with DS. I was just about to chuck it in - working super hard and v stressed - when I fell pg and then stayed for the amazing maternity support. I don't feel guilty about that, I am back now working hard and repaying their support to me, and it has somehow worked out that I have an 8-5 job that allows me to put DS into childcare with me around consistently (unusual in the military).

I guess all I'll say is that you've earned your role and you can rightfully expect some give & take when you have a child. But if you want to change direction, be bold. My DH nearly has a heart attack every time I mention quitting but that's his problem tbh, there is no way I will work myself to the bone both at work and at home doing something that I no longer love, and a change of direction doesn't frighten me.

Ps we had a v similar year last yr, I was pg Jan-Mar and Oct-Dec, only I tucked in a chem pg in August too 😉

@edidxb it’s so hard trying to balance a career with having babies and raising children, but remember many women do just that. There are childcare options out there, but you won’t know what’s right for you and your family until your baby is here. Both you and DH could share the dropping off / collecting, allowing each of you to have days when you can get in early and leave late. Your school would have to accept that on some days you can’t work the hours you are now, or you might decide you would prefer an easier less stressful job which would give you more time at home. It’s not even worth thinking about now, not even while you are pregnant. Wait until you have your lovely baby, and when you are ready you will know what you want to do. xxx

Seems the line is getting lighter.... even the control line is lighter in this one tho....

Tigsy based on OPKs I think you'll ovulate Thursday or Friday - get bd-ing!

edidxb that sounds like a crazy workload! And teachers really aren't appreciated enough. I was so happy when I got pregnant because I'd be able to miss the busiest most stressful time at work. Now I'll either be pregnant or TTC which, you're right, is really hard when you're working crazy long hours. I'm not sure what your DH does but mine travels a lot for work so unless he's able to cut that back it'll be me whose having to cut down my hours and that's just not really a thing here in Malaysia. If we both keep working we'll probably end up employing a nanny.

My OPK was no more positive this morning so idk. We didn't manage to dtd last night in any case.

@ratherbe it's that weird thing of waiting as you said and putting life on hold. Which I am now trying really hard not to do. But I think if you have a great maternity package it's probably worth staying put for another year or two. I was thinking yesterday that I'm not 40 yet but once I get there in another few years I will still have 20 years minimum of my working life left and I've only properly been working in my current job for 14 years so I still have lots of time left for a career change!

Thanks @Betty - you've made me feel better with what you said. I think I need to hold on, hopefully get pregnant again and stay pregnant and then you never know - maybe I can change roles or do something else once I have a happy and healthy baby.

@Rose68 - you're right. I really need to not worry about it at the moment until I actually have to worry about it. There is always a way.......I just need to try and have a baby now!!

@tigsy, I would say that you're going to ovulate today or tomorrow - good luck!!!

@kinsters - having a nanny is also a possibility here too and it's very much the culture in Dubai but I'm not sure if I could go down that route. But I would reconsider in the future. I hope you can work out what is happening soon - whether you have or haven't ovulated......

I am on CD7 today and I still have some blood this morning. Hopefully it will finish up today. I'm off to the hairdresser this morning which some people like but I find it difficult to sit there for ages!!! But I need to remember that it's OK to just sit and read magazines and drink tea......

edidxb yeah nannys are common here as well. DH had a nanny so he finds the idea less weird than I do!

Omg so the DH DID IT AGAIN!
Started an argument right before bedtime out of nowhere. I was desperately trying to smooth it out so that we could get to it, but he was being really nasty to me and I eventually bit and WW3 started.
It inevitably cane back to me 'obsessing' with this and told me 'he could think of nothing worse than having sex tonight'... so I walked off and went to bed and he slept on the sofa.
I tried to explain sex is not just about fun st the moment and he said that's all it's about and he doesn't care if it's 'the right time' if he's not in the mood he won't make himself be!
I feel so angry. I spend weeks trying to maximise our chances, he seems to get on board and then bam - when OPKs EVENTUALLY show something he can't be bothered!! I know sex last night might not have been the most productive as it was only 16 hrs after last BD.... but we haven't done it since Sunday before that.
He says I'm obsessing, but he won't get over the fact that getting pregnant by sheer luck last time was just that, and thinks it's fine to just do it as you feel like it.
He was saying 'if it wasn't for wanting a baby you wouldn't go near me tonight so be honest with yourself it just about baby making' which is 100% true, but he dies t get that I feel like all my hard work tracking my body has been wasted for 6 weeks because he's got one on him!! I'm angry and I'm upset 😢 sorry for ranting

That's so annoying tigsy. I don't understand guys who take that attitude. Like yeah, if we want to have a baby we need to have sex at the right time. And of course you're going to be stressed/"obsessed" about TTC after having a miscarriage. I know the topic hasn't left my head since it happened, I just want to "replace" what was lost as much and as soon as I can.

@tigsyboo that is really annoying. I mean obviously yes you might not be having sex every two days if you weren't TTC but it's not like you're lying back and thinking of England when you're in the act I'm sure!

@edidxb hope you are feeling better today. It is very hard working in a school, surprisingly, with a little one but you'll make it work. My DD is now in primary school and my goodness what a difference that has made compared to the early days (which I am desperately trying to get back to )

Well I am on CD15 and still no LH surge yawn. Glow seems to think Saturday is ov day so we'll see. Just want to get on with the TWW!

Far from it pegase! That's why I'm so pissed off! I feel like yeah the start may not be spontaneous... but once your in the swing of things who cares if it was planned or not??
He's just an idiot and currently snoring on the sofa and half an hour late getting up! Ha! Karma! I'm letting him lie there and will find it highly amusing while. Hear him scrambling found being late for work!
And for today DH shall stand for DICKHEAD!!

@tigsyboo how frustrating for you. I have been there myself and we had to have a conversation about whether he would rather know when the "time" is or not know. He decided he would rather know but just be told once not be updated about it the whole time......that way it's not a constant thought in his head but he realises things have to be timed.
We had 3 months after my first mc where we didn't have sex at all as he wasn't interested in times, getting pregnant or anything to do with it and it really upset me.....
I hope you two make it up.and are able to have a chat about what will work best for you in terms of talking about TTC. For us, DH knows just what he needs to know and that's it. But even then it can cause performance issues sometimes etc.....it's so tough!
@pegase thank you. I am actually feeling much better so I think it was just good to get it out there!
Currently at hairdressers with head full of foil.

@edidxb thank you, you are probably right. It’s just frustrating that he was with me all the way, knowing about every details of my pregnancy and MC.... but now thinks we can turn back time and just see how it goes! He has 2 kids and I know deep down it not happening wouldn’t be as big of a deal to him because he’s already got that role of a parent.
I feel like I want to share my opk results and temping stuff with him.... he bores me senseless talking about his dull job and I have to listen to that and it’s not even any benefit to me!! I’m just angry it’s now. His timing is the worst :(

@Tigsy I don't know what to say. Your DH is being an absolute bellend and reading about his behaviour is making me so angry for you!
His timing is awful after you've waited so fucking long for ovulation.
He clearly can't seem to grasp how important this is for you.
But from his POV (I am trying so hard to be impartial here, no matter how much I want to slap him for you!), he sounds like he needs to get a lot off his chest. He needs to be sat down and listened to. Then maybe he will listen to you when it is your turn to talk. No matter what he says in his time, just try really hard to bite your tongue and hear him out. I know this from experience and, like we have previously said, our DP/DH are very similar.
God I feel the frustration for you though as this is just such shit timing