any positive ideas on what i can do...just 50 and dp has left me out of the blue because he has realised that he really really wants his own children...

[zippit]

.....he didn't tell me so we haven't been trying

he has noc children and I have three, the youngest 19

I am devbastated

I will do anything..I am having periods

I am so heart broken

i so wish I had known how he felt

he is 39 and I am just 50 it's all over isn't it

he went yesterday (he dropped ds at the station and was gone for ages so i rang his mobile and he picked up accidentally and I could hear the conversation and he was signing a contractg for a bedsit it was completely surreal and he wasn't going to tell me to the weekend)and he loves me and wants to be friends

zippi

Re the IVF with own eggs - there have been no recorded live births after age 45/46. At this age success rate is about

...or your own eggs, surely that you stored and froze.

I was reading today they've found they can take very young eggs from children and store them in a way they didn't think before they could do. Fascinating and huge developments in the last few years. A daughter's egg rather than a stranger's might be a possibility.

Freezing eggs much hyped in media but technology still weak though better in last 12 months. Eggs have high water content so don't freeze/thaw very well cf embryos. So need v high number of eggs frozen for any realistic chance of pg (in young women). Only a handful of live births in this country so far.

Egg freezing wouldn't have been available to enable a current 50 year old to have anywhere near a chance of producing bio babies today.

True. My mother was suggesting my sister had hers frozen when my sister was 30 which would have been 10 years ago and as you say it probably wouldn't have worked and she had her twins by IVF with her own eggs and donor sperm about 6 years later.

Come on, you're 50. Are you REALLY going to have another baby? I feel really sad for you, but I just don't think you having anoher baby is the answer. What if you do, by some massive stroke of good luck, manage to have another child, and your OH suddenly decideds that actually, he has always wanted 2 or 3 or 6 kids of his own? What then? I'm not in your situation, so I honestly don't want to judge you harshly, but I do think that facing up to the reaqlity of the situaion is probably better in the long run than chasing after a very unlikely dream of becoming a mother again so late in life.

A daughter's egg rather than a stranger's?

Good lord

i'm sorry to read this, you must be heartbroken, but you have had some good advice on here

i had a relationship with the same age gap which ended recently, as he moved abroad

one of the factors in us not trying to keep it going as a couple was that he wants his own kids at some point, and as i have 4 of my own i have been sterilised

if i had met him even 5 yrs ago then it wouldnt be a problem, and even now he is the only person could see my self going down ivf for if he wanted it with me that badly

but in all honesty i know it's too late for us, i'm 40 and it isnt something that happens overnight, even if we did get back together

i do think your p is being quite unfair that at this stage he is saying he wants kids, when at the age you met it was also unlikely you would ever have any, and he knew that

i do hope you get to resolve it, and end up happy again

good luck

zippi, sorry about your situation. If you had really wanted another child would you not have spoken about it to him before?

I think you should be thinking about yourself in all of this and not somehow trying to think of ways to accommodate his wants/needs. Lets face it he has broken your trust rather considerably by his recent actions.

A baby at 50? I have to say I had a child at 40 by my second husband and 10 years later I am starting to feel old (51) with a 10.5 year old to keep up with (of course wouldn't change a thing she is the light of our lives)

BUT the thought of being 60 with a dependant child, noooooo

It is very very hard indeed to get eggs. You can buy them from US college students but it's expensive. If I remarried and couldn't get pregnant and we wanted a baby I might well ask my daughters to let me have an egg if we decided to go down that route. You then give birth to your genetic grandchild which legally is your own child but it's a very close genetic match and people have certainly done that.

Not giving any opinions on the rights and wrongs of having a baby at 50 (and wheether it would actually rescue yuor relationship...) but I do know of someone who is having a baby at the same age through IVF - so I guess it is physically possible.

thanks sweethearts

I am having a really torrid time

I have had about 6 hours sleep since last monday which is terrible

My head is just not able to close down and when it does I am having massive stress confusing dreams

if I don't sleep i may get ill which is terrifying me especially as i feel as though I am in a film watching myself

trying to combat these things

lots of normal stress too as we are building this darn house and renovating ours and it is going truly shittily with no builders coming for ages..at least I say we, it is now me

I am really not going to pursue having a baby because I am not having a baby conceived with a partner who won't live with me, or won't commit to it

life sucks a lot

I am going to the gym with him at lunch time...we go partly to help his brother who is a schizophrenic and goes with us, he is hoping to be back out in the community soon after 3 years in prison and psychitric hospital so don't want to give it up really (and i have done so well I am determined to keep it going)

Sorry to hear you are so unable to relax zippi. Sending you a million hugs and lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Zip, I'm so sorry you are still feeling crap.
How about some sleeping tablets. I think a bit of total sleep would benefit you loads. I'm really glad to hear you say that you are not persuing the baby thing. I feel strongly that this is quite possibly not the full reason he has gone.
Going to the gym is a fab thing to do if it benefits you physically and wards off depression. However, his db is his responsibility and if you wanted to give him and his family a wide berth for a while(or ever) nobody would blame you. Take care of you, do you hear me?
XX

How awful. Yes, if he just wanted a baby he'd stay and talk about it and make it happen. Be careful about joint assets etc and money issues as you're not married particularly if you own the house you're building jointly but you'll be doing all the work from now on.

I own everything except our business which he has a 25% sgare holding in but as it owes me money and doesn't make any it's not exactly important

he doesn't want anything, not even his own plasma tv and surround sound just his carrier bag of clothes

Very sad.
If you were married he'd be looking at 50% not that money is as important as the relationship. I don't understand if it's just over the baby issue that he's left. People usually try to work on that together.

Do you think he is seeing someone else? This recently happened to a couple I know for the same reasons but he left once he was already sorted with another girlfriend (2 actually - it is a very long and complicated story).
I don't think that trying for a baby is going to save your marriage - if he's gone it's already over.
You need to grieve for the end of your marriage then pick yourself up brush your self off and start again.
Horrible and daunting I know but the only way.
Also when someone has hurt you I don't think friendships work if he is leaving you you should cut all ties - you will heal faster.
good luck

OH arse zippi. Ive only just seen this.

You poor thing

Lots of good advice and posts here already so no need for me to repeat. Just wanted to add my sympathies and condolences.

x

zippi - same as HRH..just read all ofthis thread, and I am so so sorry this has happened. A moistening of the eyes.

and as HRH says, lots of advice and I have nothing else, apart from my thoughts, and hopes that you do what you do, to be as happy as possible. x

zips- been thinking about you. Hope you're hanging in there.

zippi:

I know exactly how you feel, I have been where you are with my previous dh, not the baby issue but the leaving issue. I didn't eat for days, was sick, weak, couldn't sleep, cried in the middle of the night, couldn't function at work, it affected my whole life and it was awful. HUGS>>>>> If it was just the baby issue, you could do donor and his sperm and it would be his, or go through testing and see if you could have one at your current age. I think there is something else going on with him, you need to dig deeper, but know that I've been there with the aching heart, my heart was soooo broken at the time, it will heal over time, I promise you. One thing that helped me was seeing my ex dh not bothered too much by it, I thought, I'm miserable and he's fine, why is that fair, he's not worth it. What does he say these days?