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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

My lover is going to leave me if I don't get pregnant

104 replies

RosemaryWoodhouse · 22/06/2007 02:29

I'm 37 and have never had a child. I proposed to my lover in February last year and he said he didn't want to get "trapped in a childless marriage" so we decided to have a baby and then get married. He loves me very much, I know he does, but ultimately if I can't give him the family he wants then I think he will choose to have it with someone else. I'm very scared of losing him.

OP posts:
kama · 23/06/2007 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

purplejennyrose · 23/06/2007 21:18

Hi been away from Mumsnet for ages and don't usually post much anyway, but this made me sad, sympathetic and angry..
Sympathetic because I do think that you are both being honest about what you want and as marriage IMO is a big hopefully permanent commitment, you need to have these sort of frank discussions before you go ahead.
Sad, though because the way forward, also of course IMHO, is not to desparately try and do what the other person wants to try and make it work - my BIL married his wife on this basis (though totally different issue), desparately trying to conform to her idea of what he should be, and they split up after 14 months and he's now divorced age 27. No-one should ever marry someone thinking they can change them!
Angry - what exactly are your views on children and having them?? I work in a very socially disadvantaged area, supporting children and their (mostly biological)parents who have emotional and behavioural probs. some of the most challenging children I work with come from families that on the surface seem very functional - but a really common theme is lack of proper attachment between mother and child, often due to depression, mental illness, violence..things that can happen to all sorts of people..what I'm saying is don't ever ever have a child unless you want to or you risk your relationship with that child going pear shaped...sorry for huge long post I tend to waffle on when I get going...

lucykate · 23/06/2007 21:19

troll?

purplejennyrose · 23/06/2007 21:22

No I am not a troll!!
Just don't get a chance to get on a computer much.
Sorry, shall keep my mouth firmly shut and bog off somehwere else.

lucykate · 23/06/2007 21:23

oh no, i didn't mean you purplerose

i meant the op

lulumama · 23/06/2007 21:24

OP doesn't seem to be listening to anything re the sperm issue

purplejennyrose · 23/06/2007 21:25

oops sorry slightly hormonal and oversensitive at the mo
no offence taken..

FioFio · 23/06/2007 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lucykate · 23/06/2007 21:26
Smile
purplejennyrose · 23/06/2007 21:26

If I was a sperm i wouldn't want to live in a fridge...

Genidef · 23/06/2007 21:35

lucykate
I have the same suspicions (troll) but was too wimpy to say it. Normally I hate it when people say that, but it did have me wondering on this occasion. glad you did.

Original poster
RosemaryWoodhouse · 23/06/2007 21:36

I've read all your replies and taken them seriously. I am genuinely thankful for your responses. I was kind of hoping someone had faced the same ulimatum though and was interested in how they handled it, or rather how it turned out. There is no way I'm walking away from my man, I am totally hooked on him.

OP posts:
lulumama · 23/06/2007 21:40

but he might walk away from you if no baby arrives

MrsWeasley · 23/06/2007 21:48

will he walk right over the bridge to the green grass on the other side?

Original poster
RosemaryWoodhouse · 23/06/2007 21:52

If he decides to leave I wouldn't ask him not to. If someone wants a family can you honestly ask them to give it up? I am desperately unhappy about my situation.

OP posts:
MamaMaiasaura · 23/06/2007 21:59
Judy1234 · 24/06/2007 10:44

So the answer is you both go to the GP this week or if you can afford it private testing to check the fertility of you both out as time is not on your side.

MamaMaiasaura · 24/06/2007 11:45

What xenia said and see if you can get referred for some couselling, couple or independently

Doodledootoo · 24/06/2007 13:16

Message withdrawn

wishingfourgotone · 24/06/2007 15:39

you can have oral sex and finish with penetration!!!
and hooked on your man or not if you dont want kids you are being utterly unfair to any child you bring into this world.

Dottydot · 24/06/2007 15:41

Trip trap

MrsMar · 24/06/2007 16:24

I'm sure this is a triptrap... I can't believe anyone could fall in love with someone who would leave her because her body failed to do something. It's a totally different thing to say "I couldn't marry someone who didn't want children" to saying "I wouldn't marry someone who wasn't able to have children". The first statement involves some kind of choice and life values and I agree it's important to agree on life choices. But I find it revolting to think that someone would make me test my fertility before consenting to marry me. What next? Perhaps there's some way to establish his earning potential, and if it's not up to scratch you won't marry him? I was sympathetic to the dilemma at first but now I'm getting angry!

Judy1234 · 24/06/2007 16:24

Sunday Times Style magazine - www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/health/article1945296.ece

Her boyfriend loves children but he loves her more so supports her in her abortion.

Original poster
RosemaryWoodhouse · 24/06/2007 19:16

I felt sick just reading that.

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 24/06/2007 22:34

Why? She never wanted children. Got pregnant at 34 and had an abortion. He boyfriend wants her, not their potential children so says he respects her decision.