My lover is going to leave me if I don't get pregnant

[RosemaryWoodhouse]

I'm 37 and have never had a child. I proposed to my lover in February last year and he said he didn't want to get "trapped in a childless marriage" so we decided to have a baby and then get married. He loves me very much, I know he does, but ultimately if I can't give him the family he wants then I think he will choose to have it with someone else. I'm very scared of losing him.

Think bding whist you ovulating should worrk but only ttc if its what you want aswell

Not all adopted kids are from crack whores!
Dp and his sister are adopted because there mom chose her bf over them despite the fact he beat her and her kids so it varies to why the child is up for adoption some mothers cant cope others die leaving children orphaned it differs some babies are from being raped so the mother cant bear to look at the child therefore offering perfectly normal unwanted baby!

Are you sure you ewant to conceive?

Its just a mum who refers to a baby who ahs been through hell as 'it' doesn't sound broody?

But shoudln't think the sperm will work, fertility clinics require quick arrival of said sperm.

agree peachy.

Rosemary I'm not an expert but I think having sex on your fertile days would work better than refirdgerated sperm

Erm, I think that that is quite a strange resposne to a proposal and, if he really wanted to have children then probably that could have been mentioned before?

However, there are people who really have clear whether they want to have children or not. One of my friends ended up a 10 years long marriage because her husband was never ready to have children (unfortunately she left her so late that now she can not have them ). And, I have another friend who is getting a bit of a problem with her marriage as her husband is desperate for a kid and she can't even picture the idea of having one!.

Knowing what each other is expecting from a marriage is a good base for a good marriage. Although if he wants children and you don't/can't, I don't understand why is he wasting your time.

Refrigerated sperm would not work.

"Can you put sperm in your fridge? I had this idea that during non-fertile days we could save up his sperm and then when I ovulate bung it all in. That would increase my chances by 10-20 times. Could that work?"

Simply put no this would not work. Where did you get this idea from?.

You cannot just freeze sperm in the fridge and bung it all in when "the time is right".

Besides anything else timing of intercourse can cause more problems than its worth.

At IVF clinics they use liquid nitrogen to freeze sperm. Sperms are complicated things and there is much about them that is not known. Sperm freezing and defrosting as a process is full of pitfalls.

I would say to you also that if you have been trying for more than six months without success then a visit to the GP may well be in order for you both to be tested.

I'm stunned by your description of your dp's cousin's child!

"crack whore" !

"It has loads of behaviourable problems and spends most of the day doped up on Ritalin so we've both been put off that idea." !

There are no guarantees with children you know, you might conceive a child who has behavioural problems and special needs. What will you and your dp do then?

But obviously, if some one believes that sperm can be home refrigerated, adoption must be rocket science.

sperm in the fridge and the POV that all adopted babies are born by crack whores

just not ringing true

Message withdrawn

I think there is a big difference between wanting to spend the rest of your life with somebody with whom you share interests, hopes and aspirations including children, and rejecting somebody because they are not fertile. I would not marry somebody who didn't want children because their goals and values would be so different to mine. However, I wouldn't ask somebody to take a fertility test before marrying them.

Just to start with, miscarriage is very common - would he support you through this? What if there was some kind of question mark over the baby's health - what would his views be? It can take a long time to conceive - is he giving you a deadline? I just think that having problems conceiving is one of the things on the big long list of "sh*t happens" events that we can expect life to throw at us. If you marry somebody you do anchor yourself to their fate - for better or worse, and I think talking about being "trapped in a childless marriage" at this stage is not a very good foundation for the future.

Well I kind of felt the fridge idea was a long shot; it's just that I watched a programme on TV last year about this doctor who set up a genius sperm bank in America. Anyway he went around approaching men with high IQs to see if they would donate sperm to the scheme. If they did he would take them to a hotel room where they would 'do their thing' into a beaker and then he would seal the beaker and put it into an ice box. Women could then purchase the sperm and it would be delivered to them in a container along with some instructions on how to deposit the sperm into themselves. I just wondered if I could use the same idea to boost my chances, but obviously with my fiance's sperm. After all when I'm not ovulating that's just wasted sperm so if there was some homemade way of preserving it I could massively boost my chanes of getting pregnant.

Found the link: www.bbc.co.uk/sn/tvradio/programmes/horizon/sperm.shtml

You should check this out: shopsite.nwcryobank.com/page2.html

Sperm storage tank for home use just $600 (about £350). That's pretty cheap and just what I need. I'm going to seriously look into it because if I save up sperm from half a month that will double my chances, even more with a narrower window.

If you have decided he is the one for you, and you are comfortable with his response to the proposal - then go for it!!

Maybe not quite so often tho!

It sounds like you are manically trying to make this happen, I think you should calm down, slow down, and see what happens. By all means speak to your GP etc about tests, it would be worth establishing if there is a problem with either of you at this point.

If you don't fall pregnant and he chooses to leave you it won't be the end of the world!

I am interested what you would do, though, if the tests came back that he had fertility problems?!?!?!?

oooh, missed that post, that is just freaky.

Adoption is out because you know of one adopted baby with behavioural problems - I assume you know no children being raised by their biological parents who have similar problems I have an adopted niece and nephew and they are lovely, and loved. If you're struggling to conceive, you might want to be a bit less flippant about some of the options for having a family.

RW, the sperm idea won't increase your chances. As long as he is regularly making love then you will always have milions of sperm in and around you. Putting a few more up there won't make a difference. But I think for both you given your age you should be checked out soon - his sperm might not be fertile etc.

fgs this is a ridiculous thread and am quite that i actually took the time to bother to try and respond to it.

My sweetheart will no doubt be thrilled at having to relive his teenage years for half a month though. I already put the kebosh on oral sex because it was a waste of perfectly good sperm.

pukes at the term 'sweetheart'

To be honest I'm quite freaked out by this thread - there was something about the whole thing from the start thta didn't sit well with me although i couldn't put my finger on it.

Then I got to crack whore - probably I'm sensitive because i'm adopted but please - what on earth?!