I need your support

[jjjen]

Hi, ladies! So sorry for this thread… I’m venting again. I really don’t want to bother you… But I am really in the midst of grieving and disappointing right now. I am soo depressed. I know that I should be strong. I should be positive. I should think about my next IVF… I should be happy that I can start a new cycle… But how can I stay positive if I know in my heart that I cannot get pregnant on my own. I have so many thoughts on my mind. I think about future and I’m scared. Negative thoughts and overthinking make everything worse. We used almost all our coverage from our insurances. So this IVF will be the last treatment we can afford. It will be the last one!!! When I think about it I have panic attack! At the same time if this IVF fails I’m not sure I want to try again with my own eggs… Another m/c will probably kill me. I’m so confused right now. Also I know that soon it will come and show her face (AF)… I don't know why I feel so lonely… Probably because that last af was before my IVF. I’ve got pregnant and then m/c… Am I being silly or what??? I cannot go through another procedure. My body is sooo tired… of all those meds… My mind is telling me to still go ahead but I’m so scared. This will be our last chance. If it fails, we don't have any money for another ivf… We can forget about adoption. So ladies please help me to go through this difficult time… I am praying so hard to GOD that He continue to give me strength so I can bear these things… Thank you and good luck to all of you!

@jjjen I can only imagine how hard this is for you. The only thing I can say, and this may not be comforting, is that you need to get your mind ready for your last attempt. Let everything out now in whatever way works for you. Talk to someone, there are helplines and support systems in place if you don't feel comfortable speaking to a friend or family member. Let yourself grieve for what you've lost and work through that before trying again. Don't give up, miracles do happen.

Life isn't fair. Some ppl didn't plan to be pregnant and they got pregnant while we are TTC and unsuccessful. But that's how it works. We have to pull ourselves out of negative thoughts like "I can't do it" or "it's never happen to me". I believe when God intent to give you an angel, you will get one. Faith and belief play a major role in your life. I know it's hard to say because I am in the same situation as you. I wanted to give up so bad. To the point I don't care anymore. But then I have to think positive.

Here on this forum we support each other and care for each other well being. We are like cyber family who understand each other problem and go through the hard time. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are millions of women who are trying to conceive and unable to. We are still lucky because we can get support here. Also we are lucky because we have opportunity to conceive and to have treatments. If we can't get pregnant naturally, then we can try IUI or IVF. Some women can't have that opportunity.

Right now, I believe you must take off your mind and focus on your IVF. Focus on the love, the care, and the concern from your families and friends for you. We know each other in this forum and we already consider a cyber sister. You are so bless to have another family who support you 100% and never leave you when you are in hard time.

Another IVF is coming and it gives you a huge chance. Let's hope for the best! Be strong and believe in success. Believe me, you are still fortunate than me because I do not have any family in US. The only family I have is my DH. He doesn't have his family here as well. Just the two of us and we hold on to each other and love each other. That's how it keeps up to have a positive attitude and positive thinking. Winners never quit and quitters never win.

Big hugs. I know it's hard, but try to be kind to yourself. Is it possible to take a bit of a break? 6 months? A year? Ivf is shit (going through at the moment and have developed ohss, so transfer meant to be weds but is uncertain). Being in a good headspace will help you get through it.

I am so sorry for your loss. Mine have been early but I still grieved. Now isn't the time for decisions. It's the time to grieve.

I am so sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time right now. Taking a break from the meds might be a good thing. My last IVF cycle in March was cancelled. My dh and I decided to wait until af in July to start a fresh cycle. It's been really nice to have a break. TTC takes control of your life. Sometimes it's nice to concentrate on other things. I advise you to think about your ivf now and nothing else. Try to drive away all negative thoughts. Don’t think about what ifs! They always make you feel bad. I understand you’re afraid you won’t be able to have another treatment or adoption. But think about it differently. Even if now you can’t afford donor eggs or adoption – maybe future will give you such opportunity! Just try to turn all negative thoughts into positive! All I can say is miracles happen every day. I was watching some video on youtube yesterday. There was a woman on there that had been told that she could never have children. She thought she has no chance. But she ended up getting pregnant with triplets. My dh and I have been trying for four years and two months. I’ve lost 4 pregnancies… But just seeing this gave me hope that maybe someday my dream of another baby will come true, too. If I could, I would give you a big hug! Sometimes we all need others to help us stand strong. We are all here for you. We will help you get over this hurdle. I hope your ivf will be a success. I'll be thinking of you. I wish you best of luck! I hope we all will become mommies soon!

I’m so sorry about your loss. I can completely understand your thoughts of wanting to give up. I have had 3 m/c. After the last one in January it took me until May to really face things and want to try again. I think it is our way of protecting ourselves from the thought of another loss. I started to read this forum a couple of days ago. I was amazed when I started to read the forum and saw how many women have had 5 or more m/c and still have the strength to keep trying. They are so strong. They inspire not to give up and continue ttc no matter what. I hope that we don't have to keep trying for that long. I pray to God that he will give us all the strength to stay strong. Maybe you need a few months to let your mind & body heal. Just think about it. Most people don't realize how much of a loss m/c really is. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Thank you so much for support! I didn’t even expect to receive so many replies! I’m so glad I joined this forum. It’s so nice to share everything I’m going through with great and strong women, who really understand! That is really true… We must face the reality, whatever God has plan for us, we must accept it wholeheartedly. The only family I have here is my dh and his family. I will keep my head up and try to stay positive. It's really nice to hear that even though I cannot see you or meet you I know that you care about me. I’m so grateful. And I appreciate you being by my side during this tough period of my life. Thank you so much. Good luck to all of you! I’m so happy to have all of you in my life!