Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Any older ladies? I'm 46 and really want another baby, too old?

110 replies

LavendarLove · 26/05/2018 18:20

So I thought my childbearing days were over, I'm 46 have 3 children the youngest is 5, recently I have been really yearning for another baby but have to be realistic I'm getting on! Really interested in any success stories, all I read is soon and gloom x

OP posts:
Original poster
LavendarLove · 27/05/2018 00:13

@littlemimosa how do I get onto that board? New to this lol x

OP posts:
CaviarAndCigarettes · 27/05/2018 00:28

I hope you have a chance if it's what you truly want.
But...
Do you remember the newborn days? Not the nice cuddly ones. The sleepless weeks ones? I'm thirty and the youngest is teething and I'm breaking.
Fair play to you if you can do it at 46. Bloody marvellous, I don't think I could!
Good luck!

notgivingin789 · 27/05/2018 00:33

Yes, 46 is old. However, if this would be your first, I would understand. However, you have 3 DC’s. Why can’t you enjoy the children you already have ? It is natural to want a biological child but I really think people just want babies as some sort of fetish... I don’t know, can’t think of another word I can use.

Chattycat78 · 27/05/2018 08:46

Technically it’s not impossible, yes. However there is a good chance your egg quality won’t great, so higher chance of miscarriage and other chromosomal issues. Also yes higher chance of multiples.

You could do the fsh/amh tests, but tbh in my experience, unless your numbers are sky high (or low in the case of amh) they won’t tell you definitely if you can conceive or not.

Cleozeta · 27/05/2018 09:22

If you are ovulating, it is always possible. I am 41 and perimenopausal (high FSH) and got a bfp 3 months ago. Sadly it ended in mmc, but it still happened, and I won't be giving up. Come on over to the 40+ ttc thread, there are some ladies on there who are the same age as you and going for it.

codswallopandbalderdash · 27/05/2018 09:36

OP the thing about fertility and pregnancy is that for all the statistics in the world and generalisations, its an individual thing at the end of the day. Yes, you are older so will be more difficult to conceive, risk of miscarriage and abnormalities is higher but that said I know lots of people who had babies in their early - mid forties without any problems at all. That said, much as I would have liked another, I called a halt around 43-44 - it was taking too much out of me emotionally

Beamur · 27/05/2018 09:52

Good luck!
I'm the same age and although I wouldn't try for a baby now, it wouldn't be a disaster if it happened. It would for DH though, he is firmly in the no more camp! (We have 3 between us). But I would be worried about the baby being healthy and I would worry about how long I would live and will I be around for this child growing up? Thoughts I'm sure you'll have had yourself.
As an older Mum it will be noticed by some people, you may get someone tactless enough to call you Granny, but these are small nuisances really.
I rarely sleep all night now and if you've older kids things like the broken sleep (whilst still hard) will at least be familiar.
My DD has older siblings so I figure if I wasn't around, she has other family. Both my Mum and her Mum died quite young (68 and 72) which does worry me a bit as I was mid 30's when I had DD.

SluttyButty · 27/05/2018 09:54

I'm 50 and the thought of having a 3/4 year old to look after fills me with horror. Our lives are now getting easier with the youngest being 12.

I'm with gamerchick and would be grating my face off with her Confused

IfNot · 27/05/2018 10:14

It's possible- plenty of 42+ babies in my family.
But. You have 3 healthy children. Why risk the impact on their lives by potentially bringing home another child who is going to need extra care, or worse?
I think it's very common to feel broody at the end of your reproductive days, but having a baby won't keep you young.
Be thankful for what you already have, and concentrate on your existing children (and I say this as someone with secondary infertility).

Wellthisunexpected · 27/05/2018 17:48

My friends mum had him at 42. He's now 34 and planning his own family. She has recently been diagnosed with dementia and is unlikely to remember his wedding next year or their subsequent family. He also says that by the time he was 20, his dad had died (was a couple of years older than his mum) he had no grandparents and his aunt's and uncles were being diagnosed with cancer and other illnesses. He now only has his mum, one aunt and a handful of cousins in their 50s. He feels very alone in caring for his mum.

TheFirstMrsDV · 27/05/2018 17:54

I had my youngest at 43 so I am not going to diss older mums.
I thought I would never lose the longing for another baby but when I got to your age I finally did.
I understand your yearning but I think it will pass fairly soon.

danTDM · 27/05/2018 20:54

As I keep saying 42/43 is VERY different to 46/47. Well IMHO. It's half a decade! I, personally feel SO different at nearly 48 than I did at 42!

wilfwalking · 28/05/2018 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

danTDM · 28/05/2018 07:40

Good luck Wilf Flowers

I am just trying to point out what many others have said, you WILL be going through the menopause soon and your energy will fall off a cliff. HRT makes a bit of a dent but you won't feel the same. Raising a toddler, as you know, is extremely hard work!

(I am 'only' 47 btw)

laptopdisaster · 28/05/2018 07:46

Please don't ask your GP for blood tests, if you want them they'll have to be private. Only way to find out is to try OP!

Kintan · 28/05/2018 09:54

laptopdisaster why would the OP have to go private for the blood tests? I had them done on the NHS, offered to me by my GP.

Cleozeta · 28/05/2018 10:58

I had tests on NHS, it's the maximum my area will do for fertility, they have stopped most fertility things now, but will always offer day 3 FSH & day 21 progesterone. Although to be fair, that achieves nothing, except for giving a snapshot of that day. My FSH was high and progesterone boarderline, and I got a bfp the next cycle, so to be honest I probably wouldn't even bother with those tests!

laptopdisaster · 28/05/2018 12:24

@Kintan were you 46 with three kids? AMH is only done in secondary care and she won't be entitled to a fertility referral on the NHS due to age and already having kids.

Kintan · 28/05/2018 12:50

laptopdisaster l was Iate thirties with one kid - I wouldn't have been eligible for fertility treatment on the NHS if I'd needed it either, but my GP was happy for me to have the tests done, just so I had an idea if I was still possibly fertile. She said she'd request for the AMH test along with the others not knowing if the lab would do it, but they did. I guess it varies from area to area what fertility tests are available. OP - there's no harm in asking for the tests!

laptopdisaster · 28/05/2018 16:16

@Kintan you got lucky. General rule is don't request a test unless it'll change your management. AMH should never be done in primary care.

laptopdisaster · 28/05/2018 16:16

No harm except the use of a scarce resource of a GP appt denying one to someone who needs it.

flapjackfairy · 28/05/2018 16:22

I know it is not the same thing but i have a 4yr old adopted child and i am 53. I dont find the parenting any harder than when i had my birth children and even though i am no doubt ancient in parenting terms i have the same energy i always had.
Sorry not trying to be smug but i really think it keeps me feeling young.
I know other older foster carers and adoptors who are in the same situation and we all cope fine despite our age.

Kintan · 28/05/2018 16:30

laptopdisaster I’m afraid I can’t agree with your viewpoint. The only time I have really used the resources of the NHS as an adult is when I had my son. I certainly don’t feel guilty about ‘denying’ someone else an appointment - where do you draw the line of who deserves an appointment? Surely everyone who pays into the system is entitled to use it on the rare occasion. Anyway this debate isn’t the point of this thread. I guess you are right that I got lucky to have the AMH test - I’m not a medical professional so I’ll take your word for it :)

heateallthebuns · 28/05/2018 16:59

I'm 42 and six weeks pregnant with my fourth. My mum was 43 when I was born. Both my parents are dead but that's just life, my best friend died at 40 due to cancer. Having me kept my parents young, actually I think they'd still be alive today if it wasn't for the fags. I definitely don't wish I'd never been born because I had older parents who died while I was young!!!

laptopdisaster · 28/05/2018 17:58

@Kintan, I'm a GP - no GP is trained to interpret an AMH level (unless they are ex-gynae with a particular interest in fertility) and therefore it shouldn't be done in primary care and the NHS should only fund this (quite expensive) test for those who are entitled to NHS fertility treatment.

The FSH/LH is more of a moot point, I might offer them for someone of that age who has not conceived for 6-12 months, but they don't tell you anything about egg reserve and so on their own are fairly useless.

I think that at 46 with 3 kids, taking up an NHS GP appt to discuss fertility would be the height of selfishness, sorry.