'Fired' as bridesmaid because TTC!

[Doodlebug89]

A close friend asked me to be bridesmaid over a year ago for her wedding this coming July. Me and my husband got married last summer, but have held of TTC until now to avoid a big bump during their wedding that might create dress problems.

In December my friend mentioned that she was going to start TTC straight after the wedding and asked whether we were. Not thinking anything of it, I mentioned that we weren't but we would next year. That evening she sent me a long message saying that she thinks it's best if I am not bridesmaid because I am ttc, and it makes ordering dresses etc difficult.

1. I am not pregnant.
2. I may not be for a long time.
3. Unless I get pregnant Jan or Feb this year I will not have a significant bump by mid July.

I'm happy to:
A. Order a size up and pay for alterations.
B. Wait until March to order the dress
C. Order it now and pay her back for the dress if I can't wear it

I explained that I feel really uncomfortable being removed as bridesmaid as if I am not pregnant by July (which may well happen) I'll feel doubly sh*tty. It will highlight the fact that I am not pregnant to me and dh. Additionally, I will have to explain to people who knew I was a bridesmaid why I am no longer a bridesmaid. If I am pregnant, no problem. If not, she thinks I should tell people that "we are planning to start a family and it would not have been fair to the bride and groom." I refuse to do this - I haven't even told my own mother that we are trying to conceive. In fact, I have barely told anyone because we don't want the pressure. So I will be put in a really awkward and horrible position.

I feel that it would be bad to remove someone as bridesmaid because they were pregnant (unless they were ready to pop!), let alone because they are about to start ttc. Surely if I am her friend, having a small bump shouldn't be a problem? I have offered the solutions above regarding the dress. I feel she is putting my in a really terrible position, for no real reason.

Am I being unfair?

Some friend.
Lucky escape.
Enjoy the TTC (much more fun than a wedding anyway)

I think the other friend feels the same as you.
I definitely wouldn't worry about not being bm. She would have you slaving around after her...
Bridezilla'll be pissing off a lot more people before the wedding if she is so entitled.
Go & have a good time as a guest.

Oh dear this sounds grim. Can only get worse when hen do is being planned me thinks.

I think I'd rather take the escape offered and just attend as a guest, sit with your DH, and enjoy the day as an observer.

In terms of still wanting to be bridesmaid - it's more because I want to avoid awkward conversations and having to reveal that I am TTC and also the rubbish feeling of not being pregnant yet highlighted to me and DH.

Did I mention that I have already paid for the hen weekend (abroad!)? [hmm[

What they^ all said! She is going nuts, it's still early days, and you'd do well to be a bit further removed from what will soon turn into a right circus.

And HELLO DAILY MAIL, YOU CUNTS!
(thought I'd get in there early )

Pull out now, no arguments just say that's fine bride I'll just come as a guest.

Both of you just let the friendship fizzle out. You don't need any big fallouts.

People change and that's ok.

So what if you were pregnant?! You'd still be a great bridesmaid!
She sounds like a real bitch, tbh.
I certainly wouldn't try to get back in. And I'd certainly re-evaluate the friendship.
Count your blessings you no longer have to put up with her wedding shit.

Oh goodness, I think if I were you I'd be grateful I'd been let off the hook here!
Sounds like she's going to be pretty demanding, so if I were you I'd say "thank you!" and leave her to it.

Ridiculous. My chief bridesmaid told me she was ttc when I asked her to be bridesmaid. I was just happy for her. As it happened they were lucky and got lucky first month which meant she was 7 months pregnant on our wedding day. In no way was this a big deal /drama, we just bought a size up from her usual size. She should want you there regardless of whether you're pregnant or not.

She doesn't want you beating her to having a baby

I think @NorthernLurker has hit the nail on the head!!

She's jealous that not only will people give you and your (tiny!) bump attention on the day (and really how much more attention than the bride are you actually going to get ffs!) but you're effectively beating her to it too!!

I think she's probably hoping you might decide to stop ttc until closer/after the wedding......

LTB (B=Bridezilla). She sounds horrible. Get out now, and get on with your (TTC) life.

Your friend either wants to make sure the spotlight is firmly on her or she wants the Hello mag perfect wedding day and a bridesmaid having a bump will either detract from her or spoil the photos

Firstly you don't have to tell anyone you're ttc, or you're no longer a bridesmaid because you're ttc or might be pregnant by the wedding.

Secondly, when the wedding comes around if you're not pregnant then once again you don't have to explain why you're not a bridesmaid, or you thought/hoped you might be pregnant by the wedding.

Thirdly, with such a competitive friend you have a whole world of pain coming your way if you both end up pregnant at the same time, have a baby roughly the same time. Motherhood can be a whole new spectrum of competitiveness! Who will have the best nursery? Who will look the most glam during their pregnancy? Who will get back to their pre pregnancy shape/lose weight the quickest? Whose baby will smile/crawl/walk/talk first?

So she won't show you the dresses but has said they are brown and unforgiving? Or have I misunderstood? It's highly likely 😂

She’s being a brat. Ignore her and don’t put off TTC for a wedding xxx

Try to think of it as her doing you a HUGE favour. It already sounds like being one of bridesmaids is going to be a nightmare. If people ask just tell them the truth, that she sacked you because you were considering ttc. Also, there's no reason at all to put off ttc now, so go and have lovely shag, immediately.

I want to avoid awkward conversations and having to reveal that I am TTC

I would pull out and if people asked why I wasn't a BM my response would be "oh I made a passing comment to Bride about thinking about starting a family in the not too distant future and she freaked out about potentially having a pregnant BM"

Which lets face it, is pretty much what happened!!!!

She's a nightmare. Lucky escape.

In fairness, I conceived mid January and by July my days were filled with people saying "ooh, any day now" based on my size, but i was having twins (you never know, could happen!). Still, that shouldn't be an issue if someone actually wants you to be their bridesmaid. It's not like there have never been any pregnant bridesmaids!

TuttiFruttiPatutti spot on!!!

I really don't understand why you wouldn't want a pregnant bridesmaid? WTF is going on with weddings? They're supposed to be a celebration of love and commitment not a 'black mirror' style instagram opportunity.

Lucky escape, OP, she sounds awful. Too bad you have already paid for the hen do. Any chance of pulling out and getting your money back?

This is the most insane thing I have ever heard. She is crazy. Not a friend!!

If I was you I would say you no longer want to be a bridesmaid and no longer want to attend the wedding!!!

I can't believe you put off ttc to be a bridesmaid!! Most the weddings I have been to in the past few years have included a pregnant bridesmaid or one with a teeny baby. Your life doesn't stand still just because your high maintenance friend is getting married, what a control freak.

It's quite easy to choose loose fitting dresses, in fact the ones I chose for mine were floaty around the midrif and nobody was pregnant, they were just nice dresses. It's pretty obvious your friend is more concerned about how her wedding will look than having people she cares about as bridesmaids.

As for her telling you to tell people why you now won't be bridesmaid, that's beyond wrong. That's such a private thing and you shouldn't have to share that info with anyone.

If I was you I'd lie and say I was no longer trying, if you do get pregnant and can shoe horn yourself into the dress be bridesmaid, if not by then you can tell people you couldn't wear the dress. No one needs to know your business. This is assuming you even still want to be bridesmaid?!

Eugh she sounds like my friend who told me she was asking her SISTER to step down as her maid of honour because she had mentioned having another baby soon. The wedding isn't till the beginning of next year.
Your friend is being very unreasonable and selfish. She has shown her true colours I'd stay well clear

It's a shitty thing for her to do but I'd be delighted if I were you. She sounds like a nightmare!

Never mind being removed as a bridesmaid

You need to be removing her as a freind!

What a shit bag.