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Original poster

TTC or new job?

19 replies

ApplesTheHare · 11/01/2018 17:56

Hi everyone

Not sure what I'm looking for here but DH and I had planned to start TTC again in Feb/March following a mc last year. I've just started a new job and now I'm there I think I'd be viewed badly if I was to tell them I'm pg within the first year.

I didn't want to wait because of my age (34) but I really, really value the job. It's pt, within DD's school hours but also a well paid management position. At the same time, I don't want to wait because DD is already 3 and having had 2 mcs in the past I know it could all take a while. In the past I've fallen pg on cycles 1, 4 and 1 so I'm thinking it will be sods law and take ages next time if we're lucky enough to conceive again. Argh, sorry for the rambling but what to do?

What would you do?

OP posts:
SaltK · 11/01/2018 18:39

I've been in a similar situation, after 2 MC started a new job. I didn't wait to keep ttc, and if I were you I wouldn't either. You never know how long it will take to fall pregnant (even though you've been lucky in the past), and also, not to be negative, but you don't know how long it will take to have a successful pregnancy.

I'm sure you'll conceived and have a healthy pregnancy, but you definitely shouldn't feel like you have to wait if this is what you want. My work were fine when I fell pregnant 2 months in, and fine when I had a MC and went on to fall pregnant 2 more times within the first 16 months I worked there! (20 weeks with what's hopefully our take home baby now!) I'm sure your work will be fine too. Women get pregnant, it's fine and expected in the workplace, and they can't discriminate against you. I'm sure people will be happy for you and won't think it's any big deal, honestly. I understand that feeling that it's taking the mick a bit to get pregnant straight away, but life comes ahead of work. Go for it 😊

Original poster
ApplesTheHare · 11/01/2018 19:13

Thanks Salt and I'm sorry you've been through such heartache so far. It's brilliant to hear that you're 20 weeks now. How are you feeling?

I keep thinking that it might take ages to fall pg next time and that it could take even longer to have a healthy baby but at the same time I'm fairly young and in a senior position. Although I think my boss would be supportive I'm pretty sure some of the others would think I'd planned it deliberately or was taking the mick. The truth is I'm really dedicated to my job but at the same time I feel like I've got no time to lose and it's not just my future but also DH and DD's who could suffer if we wait.

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Kate8989 · 11/01/2018 19:23

I had a miscarriage last week, so understand how it feels.

All I can say to you is, do what makes YOU happy. Don’t second guess how others may or may not feel. It’s your life and your body, if you want to and feel ready to start trying for a baby, then go for it! X

PieAndPumpkins · 12/01/2018 05:44

This happened with my first dc. They took so long to process everything, I found out I was pregnant just as I was about to start my new job. It was awkward and I did feel some colleagues judged me but it worked out okay.

Will it affect maternity leave/pay if you fell pregnant now? If the idea of waiting longer or not having another makes you miserable, then don't wait IMO. You could be in the job two years before falling pregnant and there'd probably still be people who would judge you for it. Their opinions don't matter at all in the grand scheme of things.

Original poster
ApplesTheHare · 12/01/2018 07:05

Thanks everyone. I think I should be eligible for mat leave as I'm under the impression you are from when you first start working somewhere?

In any other job I wouldn't be worrying about what others thought but finding this job that fits in so well with DD has been like looking for a needle in a haystack so the thought of doing anything to jeopardise it doesn't sit well. At the same time jobs come and go whereas my chance to have more DC will only go!

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PieAndPumpkins · 12/01/2018 09:50

No full paid mat leave entitlement will depend on your company's policy. Normally it would be something you have to earn through time of employment. You'd need to check the policy or check with HR.

Hope it works out for you.

Original poster
ApplesTheHare · 12/01/2018 19:00

Thanks Pumpkin for some reason I thought you qualified from the week after you started but if that's not the case is there an average?

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PieAndPumpkins · 12/01/2018 19:25

I only know NHS - where you have to have 12 months continuous service by 29 weeks pregnant to get paid mat leave. Which is bizarrely specific and random IMO.

I think NHS mat pay is supposed to be pretty good, but I have no idea how it specifically compares to private companies contractual mat pay. If you aren't eligible for your works maternity leave though, you can look into claiming statutory maternity pay or maternity allowance which is based on tax and NI contributions.

NoWordForFluffy · 12/01/2018 19:38

You get SMP as long as you've been with your employer for a week before your pregnancy starts (so your LMP, though your scan EDD will be used to work this out, so if you get moved forwards it could make things sticky for some people!).

As for paid mat leave, that all depends. Some employers never offer occupational maternity pay, some will pay it after a qualifying period. Your employee handbook may have your mat leave policy in it.

I personally wouldn't wait, unless I needed to wait for paid leave (if offered).

Original poster
ApplesTheHare · 12/01/2018 21:12

Wow I had no idea NHS mat leave rules were like that. I wonder if that's because of a large proportion of female staffers?

I'll have to have a look at the mat leave policy next week, although finding time to view it without being seen reading will be hard! I really don't want to annoy or unsettle my new boss as she has been absolutely amazing so far.

NoWordForFluffy I thought SMP was paid leave? I'm sure my mat pay last time appeared as SMP on my payslips but I was very sleep deprived for a long time so obviously could have imagined that. I could get by without any money if I had to, it's having the job to go back to afterwards that's most important (obviously after having a healthy baby).

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NoWordForFluffy · 12/01/2018 21:18

It is paid, but it’s not full pay (unless you don’t earn much!). Hence differentiating between SMP Andy occupational maternity pay.

Original poster
ApplesTheHare · 12/01/2018 21:45

Ah yeah that makes sense and I'm sure rings a bell. SMP would be fine. I spent almost nothing when DD was small.

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LyraPotter · 12/01/2018 22:20

Take the job and ttc when you want to. Your new job will be invested in you as a person, and they will have accepted that pregnancy is a possible part of that. You can't put your life on hold for a job - and they aren't allowed to discriminate against you. Good luck with everything!

PieAndPumpkins · 13/01/2018 15:09

If you don't even need the maternity pay, then I think definitely don't wait. Contractual pay is the best - and most - that you can get. Like pp said though, your company may not even offer that or you might not be eligible. I'm pretty certain you'll be entitled to smp if you've been working and paying tax and NI. Can you access work policies online at work? Do you have an HR you can phone for advise?

Original poster
ApplesTheHare · 13/01/2018 18:46

Thanks Lyra

Pie I don't want HR to talk to my boss so I won't go down that route but all the policies are online so I'll have a look. An yeah, it's not about the money really, more that I want to do the right thing by work because I really value the role. I've worked some crappy jobs so I'm counting my lucky stars atm.

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Mayah · 13/01/2018 22:56

Hey. I'm in the exact same boat at the moment. I was 8wks pregnant when I was applying for jobs last October. I then got a job in November at 12wks, and was so anxious as to how I'd tell my new job that I was actually expecting. But 5 days before I was due to start work, I actually had a mmc. Turns out the baby had stopped growing around 9wks.

I've waited till now to start trying again, mainly because I just wasn't ready to go through it all again (first time trying + first mc). But I feel so silly ttc 1 month into my new job.

On the .gov website it says to qualify for SMP you have to "have worked for your employer continuously for at least 26 weeks continuing into the ‘qualifying week’ - the 15th week before the expected week of childbirth". For me, that'll mean I should ttc from March, which I'm much too broody to wait for Grin so I'm really just going with the flow at the moment. End of the day it's my life and I've got to live it Grin

NoWordForFluffy · 14/01/2018 06:28

You have to have been in your job a week before getting pregnant to get SMP. It's 26 weeks' employed at the point you're 25 weeks' pregnant. So you can TTC now, @Mayah.

Mayah · 14/01/2018 15:10

@nowordforfluffy oh you're right Grin so much for me and my calculations haha. Thank you

Original poster
ApplesTheHare · 15/01/2018 20:21

Sorry to hear you went through that Mayah but great news that you can start TTC asap!

I've decided to start in March. There's no way of telling how long it could take so I'm going to leave it to fate!

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