Boy and a girl/pigeon pair/perfect family + 1 ??

[tvhearts]

We have a boy and a girl and so many people say to me "oh that's you done then you don't need any more children" it is so much more socially acceptable to have two of the same gender and then another!!

I do feel lucky to have a boy and a girl. I do understand that it would change your family dynamic. I do know that our lives will be crazy but I just can't shake this feeling of wanting a third baby!! Has anyone had the "pigeon pair" and then another?? Would you recommend it or do you regret it?

Everyone who has three children seems to try to talk me out of it and people I know with two children seem to think I'm stupid for considering it and want to talk me out of it too!

Aahh so confused can anyone give me any advice!!??

Although I have a lovely brother, I would have loved a sister!

I think one of each is better for the parents but same gender is better for the kids!!

I think it's just something people say. Same as if you have two of one sex then you must go again for the opposite

I have no idea what the whole "one of each" thing as about or why it's supposed to be so great.

I have a brother who is older by 2 years and then there's me.

He abused me relentlessly throughout childhood - when people coo about how lovely it is for a girl to have an older brother I think they're mad.

Now, I recognise that I come from a very dysfunctional family background. But male violence starts somewhere and it really sucks to be part of a "pigeon pair" in these circumstances.

Not that I;m suggesting your DC are anything like me and my brother, OP. Just an alternative to the "perfect family" nonsense.

It's got nothing to do with anybody else if you want another DC. YOu're not collecting 'a set' or anything (you shouldn't be having DC if that's your motivation).

"I think one of each is better for the parents but same gender is better for the kids!!"

What do you mean by "better"? Superior? What? I can't follow you.

I just mean it's nice for parents to have "one of each" as in personally I've found it nice to have the chance to experience bringing up a little boy and a little girl.

I'm one of 2 girls and me and my sister are really close and that's lovely. Please don't read too much into it, it wasn't intended in the way I think you're taking it.

I'm using the "pigeon pair" phrase because it's something people say to me not a phrase I use! I think you're taking what I'm saying in the wrong way.

"Please don't read too much into it, it wasn't intended in the way I think you're taking it."

It's ok, you don't need to apologise. I'm not taking it any way. I didn't (and still don't) understand what's "better" about it.

I have a boy and a girl and we are now having a third. I also have friends who had two of the same sex and then had a third. They weren't "hoping for the opposite". They just felt they wanted to make another human.

Sex or gender really doesn't come into it. I find that view really outdated!

Just in the way PERSONALLY SPEAKING I've found it nice to have the chance to experience a little boy and a little girl. That's literally all I meant 🙈

Are they not just saying it to you as that's what you have? Platitudes. I don't have a boy and a girl and I didn't know that it was desirable to do so. Nobody says 'ohh, I bet you wish you'd had a boy instead of her'. They say nice things.

I know you're saying not to take what you are saying the wrong way but the mention of a perfect family in your title really irks me.

What even is that?

!Has anyone had the "pigeon pair" and then another?? Would you recommend it or do you regret it?"

Are you expecting some to respond that they regret bringing their own child into the world brcause it's messed up their "pigeon pair"?

Do people really think like this?

You haven't explained what's "better" for the kids about having a same sex sibling yet.

I think people are taking OPs post and title a bit too literally.

Obviously the OP doesnt think having a boy and a girl is a 'perfect' family or any better - or she wouldn't want a third.

Its what other people think and say.

OP i would ignore people's comments, if u want another child then have another one. There is only me and my brother and i would have loved a sister.

Yeah I did. I'm one of same sex siblings and I loved it. Never wanted a brother.

And I'm saying those things in the title because they are things people say to me! I don't think them!! I wanted a baby and then another so that they had a sibling. And now people constantly say "oh you don't need any more kids now" and I'm just a bit confused with it all and wanted some advice. Wish I hadn't now!!! Feel like everyone is missing what I'm saying here and making out like I'm bragging about having a boy and girl which is so so so not the case aaaah!!

I've never heard anything like a pigeon pair . What bollocks.

I will be sad if I only experience boys.

I know I am wrong to feel that way but I cannot help it.

I'd never heard of it either @idontlikealdi until my DD was born. Think like another poster said it's pretty dated (and weird)

It's just an odd thread.

I can understand why you'd want to think hard and discuss having a third child.

But why having a 'pigeon pair' and people constantly telling you you don't need any more children would come into it I don't know.

Do you ususally make life changing decisions on the basis of things other people say to you in passing?

OP i got what you were saying.

People love to take things literally, twist things, make assumptions. They could get offended over anything! Dont let it bother you

No I don't @tonysopranostherapist but I do take the opinions and experiences of my closest friends and family into consideration and I don't think that's that unusual.

Thanks @Iloveidris I've seen things get taken the wrong way on threads before but didn't think it would happen here, maybe I've worded things wrong. No offence was intended I honestly just wanted a bit of advice.

Recently group of mums at a toddler group i attend unanimously agreed 2 girls was their most desired combo. Reasons given were they're more likely to be close and support each other as adults, they do better at school and stay in touch with mum. I don't think my sister got the memo.

My cousins were a three - girl, boy, girl.

In any arguments it was always two against one - the eldest against the youngest, boy against the girls.

My brother and I were just two.

Sometimes it was better. Sometimes it's worse.

I realise this is not helpful, but tbh not sure anyone can help

@tvhearts I have identical girl twins. People spout a lout of shit. They like to make conversation, about nothing. It’s a way of passing the time. I was seriously considering printing cards “yes, they’re identical, c-section, girls, not ivf, she’s the eldest, FUCK OFF.

It’s mindless chit chat.

You're probably right @NimbleKnitter everyone's situation is so different because I'm sure you'd even get people saying to you @victoire1208 "oh well me and my sister haven't spoken in years" etc etc