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Original poster

Boy and a girl/pigeon pair/perfect family + 1 ??

64 replies

tvhearts · 05/01/2018 22:26

We have a boy and a girl and so many people say to me "oh that's you done then you don't need any more children" it is so much more socially acceptable to have two of the same gender and then another!!

I do feel lucky to have a boy and a girl. I do understand that it would change your family dynamic. I do know that our lives will be crazy but I just can't shake this feeling of wanting a third baby!! Has anyone had the "pigeon pair" and then another?? Would you recommend it or do you regret it?

Everyone who has three children seems to try to talk me out of it and people I know with two children seem to think I'm stupid for considering it and want to talk me out of it too!

Aahh so confused can anyone give me any advice!!??

OP posts:
Original poster
tvhearts · 05/01/2018 23:28

Definitely agree @idontlikealdi !!

OP posts:
PissedOffNeighbour · 05/01/2018 23:32

I’m very happy to have two DDs. Have to say I’d never heard of a “pigeon pair” before, but on googling I see it is a thing to be desired apparently.

Sevendown · 05/01/2018 23:32

I had one of each then another.

That’s what I wanted.

QueenAmongstMen · 06/01/2018 07:27

I've got two boys and love having two boys.

I was momentarily disappointed when I was told the second was going to be a boy because I knew I wouldn't get the chance to experience bringing up a daughter for the sake of my first son I was really happy that I was having another boy as I love same sex siblings.

I'm feeling broody for a third now and to be honest I would probably like another little boy given the choice.

MrsBobDylan · 06/01/2018 09:19

Don't listen to other people. Make your own decision. I have three and I love it. I'd like four but it looks like it's not going to happen.

MrsBobDylan · 06/01/2018 09:22

Oh and I have 3 boys and genuinely wouldn't care what gender a fourth would be. It's irrelevant.

MamaL86 · 06/01/2018 09:46

These forums are supposed to be supportive. Yes, suggesting a 'pigeon pair' is the perfect combo is an odd thing to do, but it's not the OP's opinion, it's what people frequently say to her and so seems to have made her question her desire to have a third. OP if you feel your family isn't complete and you'd like a third, I say go for it. When I had DS at 22 I found that a lot of women my mum's age would say to me how good it was that I'd had children so young as a lot of older women have it hanging over them for years and they assumed I was done as I was a single parent. I always responded politely that it was great but actually I knew I'd want more children at some point!

FaFoutis · 06/01/2018 10:22

The title of this thread is not supportive. That's why the OP is getting negative reactions.

TheIntrovertedMum · 06/01/2018 10:36

Oh ffs. Regardless of how you choose to raise your kids there are still differences between having a baby boy and having a baby girl. I totally understand what the OP meant by "better for the parents" 🙄🙄🙄 the parenting experience differs between the two

Nonomento · 06/01/2018 10:42

People say a lot of ridiculous things when you have young babies. It stops when they get older thank god.

Having a boy and a girl is meaningless as ALL babies and young children have their own distinct personalities, so you really aren't 'experiencing' anything that a mother with two children of the same sex isn't experiencing.

My own very small experience of parents with one of each is that the gender sterotypes are usually very strong, ie girl is super girly pink and sparkles, boys are football and tough guy and indulged but that is purely my own limited experience.

MsHomeSlice · 06/01/2018 10:50

I thought a Pigeon Pair was a G/B pair (girl first, then boy)

The alternative is a Gentleman's Family which is B/G (boy then girl)

I am off to google now to check!

alletik · 06/01/2018 10:59

People say all sorts of shit.

I've got two girls, and when they were young I used to get told how lucky I was ... no cold sports / football runs / life is more sedate with girls / boys are only sons until they get a wife, daughters are daughters for life.... now they're older, I get comments about teenage hormones and DH moving out to the shed!

Then there were the others who told me that boys are much more loving than girls, mums feel differently about their sons, dads always want sons or they miss out...

It's all bollocks.

TheIntrovertedMum · 06/01/2018 11:20

Well considering when a boy pees with his nappy off it hits the ceiling. When they hit puberty they have wet dreams, hardons etc you clearly don't experience this with your female child so yes there are differences between raising a boy and raising a girl.

Girls have periods and can give you grandchildren. Yes boys also give you grandchildren but ask any grandparent and they will tell you it's a completely different experience with your daughter compared to your son!

So I stand by my comments and I stand by OP in saying it's nice to have one of each for the parents and I understand what she meant and it's not all of this modern day genderless bullshit that everyone is spouting.

Nonomento · 06/01/2018 11:25

I'm not sure why the wet dreams and periods mean anything tbh! Surely parent don't get involved with either. Talking to them about physical manifestations of puberty is the same deal for both sexes. Babies and young children are all different. Two boys might have as different needs as a girl and a boy. That's not 'genderless bullshit', that's humanity!

QueenAmongstMen · 06/01/2018 11:26

Having a boy and a girl is meaningless as ALL babies and young children have their own distinct personalities, so you really aren't 'experiencing' anything that a mother with two children of the same sex isn't experiencing.

Seriously?

I'm not sure I will be supporting any of my boys through their first period...

Or helping to pick out prom dresses and wedding dresses with him....

Or holding his hand as he gives birth...

What a ridiculous thing to say.

Of course the experiences of bringing up boys and girls is different!

Nonomento · 06/01/2018 11:26

I think the experience might be different but not necessarily when they are small.

Bekabeech · 06/01/2018 11:27

I have boy girl girl, and you are all missing out if you only have two. It is a much more interesting dynamic with 3.
Of course 1 is great and my friend with 8 has a very different dynamic in her family. So maybe we are all missing out.

TheIntrovertedMum · 06/01/2018 11:31

@Nonomento yes not necessarily when they are small but you are a parent your whole life and experience parenting your child throughout your whole life and there is most definitely differences!

TheIntrovertedMum · 06/01/2018 11:32

@Nonomento yes you don't experience your childrens' wet dreams and periods but you have to parent through them and they are so completely different experience. So if you have two of the same you'd miss out on the other experience.

Nonomento · 06/01/2018 11:34

Quite happy to miss out on wet dreams Grin but I see your point

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 06/01/2018 11:57

My mum had me, then my brother

Perfect, everyone said, now you're done

Then she had another boy. So glad she did as my youngest brother and I are so close

Loved growing up with 2 brothers, and my brothers say it's nice to have a brother AND a sister

Just do what you like!

10thingsIhateAboutTheDailyMail · 06/01/2018 12:02

Queenamongstmen.... my mum never chose my prom dress (was not that sort of girl) or wedding dress (wanted to choose that alone) or held my hand during birth (I only wanted DH there)

As to periods, my mum was too embarrassed so my dad explained about pads Grin

So some of that list is not a "given", to me that list sounds a bit like fantasy Grin

FaFoutis · 06/01/2018 12:05

It does to me too. My mum had no involvement in any of the above.

alletik · 06/01/2018 12:09

So some of that list is not a "given", to me that list sounds a bit like fantasy 

Agreed. Everyone's individual and unique. You cannot assume you will do any of these because you a have a child of a certain gender.

Efferlunt · 06/01/2018 12:11

I think you get less comments having a third in your situation than having three of the same sex, which is of course and outcome of having a third. The mean comments I get about having three boys infuriates me.

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