Shit, shit, SHIT. Is this positive? :(

[ThatHippyDippyShit]

Because if it is I'm fucked.

💐

Your recent ‘bad spell’ could well be partly due to pregnancy hormones (and the niggling fear you were pregnant).

It sounded like your DP might be what was making you so worried about this, I thought he might hurt you, I’m so glad that’s not the case. He sounds like one of the good ones.

Maybe look at it like this... 11-14 months is a nice age gap for the children, so having them close in age could be very good for them and you. Your period of sleepless nights, bottles, nappies etc will be condensed. You won’t have to make the decision of just having one child or putting yourselves through this again in a couple of years. Spend the next year with DH being your carer and getting you back on your feet after number 2, then he can start looking for a job.

Terminations affect people differently, but it sounds like it wouldn’t be good for your MH.

That is exactly what my first positive (on the same test) looked like with DD. I was just under 4 weeks pregnant. It was definitely positive, I've now got a toddler running around (ours was planned though so a happy event).

I'm sorry it's not the answer you were looking for but to me that's a clear positive. I'm also sorry you're struggling - I had post natal anxiety too (and I'd never had a hint of MH problems prior to birth) and it's really really horrible.

I know you've said your worried about going to official 'help' again but honestly if you manage to find the right counsellor they can make a world of difference. It might be worth just keeping your mind open to the possibility and seeing if you can find someone who is a good match for you.

As for the pregnancy - as PP have said out do have options. You absolutely do not have to go through with it if you don't want to. And your DP needs to not be cross with you in the least, you did not get yourself pregnant regardless of if you're BF and thought it would be ok or not. If he really didn't want another pregnancy he could always have out something on the end of it!!

It will be OK. I got pregnant with my 3rd when 2nd was just 5 mths old. It felt like I'd been given a Chinese takeaway and an Indian takeaway. ...I wanted both but not at the same time! I didn't accept the pregnancy buy anything until I was 8 mths. I cried all the way to the hospital. During labour it all changed and I suddenly wanted the baby desperately. Life got good then. ...hard work but for the last 24 yrs my heart and home has been full of joy and laughter and the 3 DCS are best friends.

You'll be OK. Xxx

Just inputting my two cents worth. I had a termination because my partner freaked out when I got pregnant. We really didn’t have the money, weren’t living together etc. I was on the pill but clearly it failed. I wasn’t having a great time with my mental health and I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope on my own. That was a few years ago and there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret it. We have been trying to get pregnant for a year now with no luck and knowing I had the opportunity to have another baby and I stupidly did something I didn’t want to do just to please my partner, it kills me. Just think really hard about your decision. Some people are able to have an abortion and not regret it but that’s usually because the baby wasn’t really wanted which is obviously fine and an ideal scenario in terms of abortion but if you have any doubts or you want this baby, please speak to your partner and don’t do anything you don’t want to do. Of course it would be hard with two but better than ending up where I am now, infertile and forever dreaming about the baby I got rid of. However if terminating is something you want to do, then don’t feel bad for doing it or worry about what people will say or think. There’s a board on Mumsnet called pregnancy choices where you might find more support too. Good luck

Terminations affect people differently, but it sounds like it wouldn’t be good for your MH.

We don't really know this. Women are told all the time that terminations are something that will haunt us for ever. In fact, for many women they are not a source of regret or angst.

Of course it would be hard with two but better than ending up where I am now, infertile and forever dreaming about the baby I got rid of.

But the op already has a child; I don't think your situations are comparable.

Far better to regret a termination than regret a baby.

During labour it all changed and I suddenly wanted the baby desperately. Life got good then. ...hard work but for the last 24 yrs my heart and home has been full of joy and laughter and the 3 DCS are best friends.

Did you also have severe MH issues such as the op describes?

I'm sorry, I know people are trying to be helpful but having two with such a small gap is hard enough, let alone when you are suffering from BPD with no professional support.

Terminations affect people differently, but it sounds like it wouldn’t be good for your MH

Just WOW!

What exactly qualifies you to say that to a complete stranger, who is obviously already in turmoil or do you have your own agenda here?

Have you any idea what your comment could mean to someone already suffering with extensive MH issues?

I have no words!!

Please try to get some professional help OP

We are all here if you ever need to talk. I was in your shoes 7 years ago....not many folk know but me and DP got as far as booking a termination, but I knew deep down I could never do it, hence why I now have my most beautiful youngest.

You have got options as lots of others have said, please don't stress my lovely. It happens to the best and most careful of us! (mine was the result of sickness bug stopping my pill working. But man am I glad it happened now, couldn't imagine life without her! xxx

TheCatIsMyEnemy I already have a child as well. It’s always a possiblity that getting pregnant again a second, third, fourth time might not be as easy as previous pregnancies. Having a termination that you’re not 100% comfortable with having can come back to haunt you in the future. Whether it be infertility or just regret. I don’t know the OP, I’m just giving an insight like everyone else.

NOBODY here knows whether a termination would be bad for your MH and they shouldn't be throwing it about so casually.

Equally, NOBODY knows that you'll be fine and happy with another child.

Right now, with everything going on, it might not be the best thing, but that's for you to decide.

Not your DP. You. It's your body, and your health.

What I will say is an early termination is not "getting rid of a baby" or any other emotive nonsense people might come out with.

It's simply untrue that "you never regret the children you have", in case that comes next.

But neither will your world collapse if you go ahead with it.

It's new. Take a moment. Take another test. Make a decision that works FOR YOU. Think of yourself, your baby that you have, your relationship, your health mental and otherwise, and make a choice based on what's best for all of that ^ and not for a baby that literally doesn't exist yet.

Exactly what MadMags said.

And for all the "oh it'll be fine cause it was for me brigade" that's a hell of a statement (and a gamble) to make on someone elses behalf. A friend of mine left her dh and kids a couple of years ago because she struggled so much with the pressures of motherhood and her mh. She loves her kids but the reality of day to day parenting 2 small children broke her. So now she lives in a rented room and sees them EOW and once in the week and feels horribly guilty. The kids are OK but it's not exactly a happy ending for her.

It's official, confirmed with a digi.

I'm sorry HippyDippy. You're in a really rough spot.

I think MadMags has great advice for you. For what it's worth, I find it helpful to think that there is no real "right" or "wrong" decision in these circumstances - there is just a decision and its consequences either way, and whatever way you decide to go, you will be able to cope with those consequences. All any of us can do is make the best decision we can based on the information we have.

There's always lots of support here as and when you want to discuss.

Have you told your DP yet lovely?

Oh I feel for you. Mine was ten months and it was a huge shock.

Just to say it's so much easier second time round and they're are benefits of having them close together.

Give yourself time to let it sink in and see how you feel over the next few weeks. BPAS is an excellent place to chat through things whatever you're thinking.

Told DP, he's putting on a brave face for me at the moment.

Be gentle on yourself over the next few days OP, let the news sink in.

From my experience, I know my feelings changed from day to day.

Are you getting plenty of rest/sleep?

Just to say it's so much easier second time round and they're are benefits of having them close together

In your experience. This is not universal.

Well done OP, that's as good as can be hoped for I suppose! You two just need to keep communicating about it and come to a decision.

You can terminate now and have another baby later, when it suits you all. You are not just doing this for yourself, but for the baby you have now as well. You have your hands full as it is. Why would a termination haunt you if it is the sensible thing to do? It will allow you to be a better parent to plan your pregnancies around the times you can best care for a young infant.

I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Before making you life altering decisions, have a look in your area for a family planning group that offers counselling and ask their advice on the different options and what support can be offered to you.
I really hope you get the support you need xx

From what you’ve said it sounds like it is a really difficult time to be having another baby and I would consider a termination. If this is something that could adversely affect your and your family’s wellbeing it is not the right time and is not meant to be. You can try for another baby at a later date. Of course it’s something you really need to think about and discuss with your partner and I agree that speaking to a local counsellor would be very helpful especially as you’ve gone through a lot. Thinking of you x