We're ovulating again, so let's jump our men. It's TTC after miscarriage thread 11

[Lime19]

Not sure if I should start new thread for this? Is there one open already?

@Smurf123 I checked my emails today and got my ovia updates. Made me cry, then I tried to unsubscribe and the reason why list included miscarriage which made me cry more.

I also am seriously pissed off at my body for not working correctly. I cannot understand why one day we saw a lovely heartbeat and the next it's in the toilet. Life seems so cruel sometimes and @AnneLovesGilbert has worded it perfectly.

I will never forget this but I hope that I will be able to enjoy future pregnancies (if that happens) and be grateful that I can actual conceive naturally. We were in the beginnings of fertility tests before catching.

In other news, DH and I have decided we might try to dtd tonight. Hopefully it will all go well and we won't feel weird about it.

Enjoy your gig NoCats! Sounds brilliant, let you hair down and remember what it was like to be carefree

Please don't hate yourself. It's the old thing of not wanting someone else's baby, but grieving and wishing for your own. Fuck it, we've all had thoughts we probably wouldn't share with anyone else and baby making is a world of god damn injustice.

I've been very lucky to conceive naturally and relatively fast, hasn't got me anywhere to date, but I have been pregnant and it's amazing. Some people never experience that at all. My friend is having her third at the moment but they've had a horrible journey to get there and it's cost a bloody fortune having private IVF abroad as their NHS cycles failed. They have two gorgeous children but they've never once shagged and got her knocked up.

Bliss, has it been positive knowing you've conceived? For a lot of people it's very unhelpful for people to trot out "well at least you know you can get pregnant". But it has helped me. Logically, there's no reason it won't happen again and the chances with each one are still very high. Just need it to happen again soooooon!!!!!

See how you go tonight. Take your time, aim to be close and cuddly wherever it goes I reckon. Don't put yourself under any pressure and get DH to follow your lead.

I was worried about it hurting after everything that had happened with surgery, post op infection etc, but by the time I'd come off all the drugs and was back on my feet it had been about 2 and a half weeks and I mentally all over the idea so we went for it and it was great. If anything, DH was the one a bit overly worried about me when I wanted him to see me as his normal, whole, healthy, up for it wife, not the miserable, bleeding, sobbing mess I'd been since we found out about the MMC. And tbh, after him seeing me sitting on the toilet half miscarrying, which was when I think the mystery finally died, I was desperate for as much normality as we could muster and it thankfully that side of things was completely normal and felt right. Enjoy x

@AnneLovesGilbert I must say when others have said at least you can! It does have a sting to it. But previous to the m/c when I was blissfully pregnant I genuinely felt lucky and relieved that I could. I had real doubts for a long time.

I think the most irritating thing people ask at the moment is 'how do you feel?'

I feel like my heart and baby were ripped out of me and I can't breathe. Thanks for bringing it up.

I know they all mean well and struggle to find anything to say but I'd honestly prefer to carry on as normal. My plan is to fake it til I make it. Well in public anyway, I'm happy to grieve at home with DH. Well not happy.

Bliss, don't blame your body, love it. Your body is so very clever that it knew something wasn't right. I believe that my body knew my baby was too poorly to survive and couldn't hold on to it any longer and wanted that tiny thing to move on to make me stronger, not just physically but mentally. It's a really sad way of thinking about it but it has helped me to understand just how much of a miracle each successful pregnancy is. Our bodies are amazing. Don't give up hope and don't blame yourself. This is just a dark cloud, it will pass and the sun will shine again. The first time after my mmc was slow and tender and full of emotion, I think you're very brave discussing it and trying. Just go slow. Xxx

Feeling very sad today that I'm not 16+5. Should be ovulating around now so trying to focus on that. Hugs to all struggling x

Hi everyone. Sorry to hear all the struggles everyone is having.

I hope you don't mind me posting. I had a MC at the start of March. Have had 3 AF since and 4th was due on Tuesday (3days ago). Still no sign so did a test tonight. Used an asda one and got a BFP. I have a very regular cycle of 28days and this is most confusing. Has anyone else had this? As a serial Googler, I have found that many of these false starts seem to end in a MC, even if a faint positive does appear a few days later! After my MC, I've worried about getting pg again, the possibility of another MC and now I've the late period to add to the drama!!! I've even convinced myself, at 32, I'm going through the menopause!

What an idiot...I mean I got a BFN!!!!!!!!!!!

Lulu step away from google! I had pretty regular periods but funny enough the cycle before my successful cycle was a few days longer. No idea why. After a million tests (bfn) my period finally came. I think it was just one of those things. Might it just be a random slightly long one?

I finished reading izzy judds book on her fertility struggles. Was so good and she puts in words exactly how I'm feeling. Topics covered include how she felt when she had her miscarriage, coping with all the waiting, and she even manages to perfectly describe the feelings when you hear a pregnancy announcement. The book did make me cry, in particular the chapter from her husband talking about how he coped. It was also a hopeful book as she is now pregnant with her second child.

Thank you for your reply lime. I've tested again this morning with the 'morning wee' and still a BFN. Although initially I thought the test was invalid as the control line took ages to form. Definitely don't feel pregnant now though and I know there's no point blaming the tests. They wouldn't be on sale if they didn't work after all! It must just be, like you say, a longer cycle for some reason. I'm pretty sick of this ttc journey now. Since March, I've never felt so low.

Hoping for some good news on here from some of you lovely people. X

Lulu sorry you are having a bit of a tough time! I hope you get a clear answer soon. I think mc can mess with your cycles a bit... I had erpc in March for mmc and first 3 af arrived like clockwork.. 27/8 days each cycle.. Last one arrived arrived on day 21 - I've never had I've that early before.. The only thing I can think of is that my body is still getting back to normal post mc..

Thank you smurf. Perhaps there's something about the 4th AF after MC then! Usually my periods last 4 days but the last on was 6. Might have so.ethical g to do with that. I had lots of pregnancy symptoms at the start of the week (sore boobs, nausea, cramps) but theyvelines all gone now. I hate all this section d guessing. Think I'll book Dr's appointment anyway for some advice. I'm struggling mentally with this whole thing also. Especially since I had an selfish abortion a few years back. The guilt is horrendous!

I'm now into my due date month, think my next fertile window will be just before due date, so will have to hold it together for that! CD16, pretty sure I ovulated on CD12 this month, which is much better than the last few (since I've been temping) when it was CD15/16, which if you have a 25 day cycle sucks majorly. I don't hold out any hope for this month, we only managed to DTD CD 11 and 13 (so that one was too late)

Went to Dr today about something else, and he wants me to have bloods for that, so mentioned been trying now for 6months post MC, so will have those bloods done too. Progesterone next week on day 22 I think, then have to go back for day 2 bloods too. Does anyone know if they have to be exactly day 2, as I work crappy long hours but have a set day off each week so can always do that, but obv could be d3-4 depending on whether period decides to stick to a 25 day cycle this month, as opposed to 21! I got 1st period after MC on the date of my 12 week scan, which was 17th Jan, and I finished my 8th last week! Curses (literally!) to short cycles!

Hot cookie I'm not sure if it is the same test but u had one of mine that had to be done day 2-5 so it gave a couple of days window.. Might be the same one?

I think the blood tests days 2-6 are for FSH and LH, which give you an indication of the health of your eggs and how many you have left. Day 21 is for progesterone which indicates if you have ovulated.

This is why I chose my username. Any other use less ful facts about hormones, tests or miscarriage you need to know, I'm your woman

Also meant to say sorry for all the new joiners who find themselves here but welcome to our little community. These women are lovely, you're in safe hands.

Thanks :) If there is a range there I should be OK to have it done on my day off (if there is an appointment free!)

Lulu my periods are still weird too don't worry, longer cycles and starting with like spotting which is weird. I'm with you 100% on the emotional side of things too... :( abortion quite a few years ago.

Thank you possibilitea. Sorry to hear of your loss and the guilt hanging over you. I just wish I could turn back the clock (or fast forward to better times)! I feel like this late period is another cruel trick to add to everything else! I also still have tingling boobs and heartburn. It's so hard not to get hope up but in my belief, the tests dont lie!

A quick update here...a few hours ago I developed some terrible back pain. Went to to the toilet and there's AF. So for the first time ever my period is 5 days late. Not out the ordinary for some but out the ordinary for me. Not sure what's going g on with the back ache either. Reminded me of my the pain I experienced during my MC, leading to the cogs turning...could this have been another extremely early MC before even showing up on a HPT? I hate this...someone just get me a baby already!!!

I can't pretend to be an expert, lulu, but I think you'd still have had a positive pregnancy test result. Please go easy on yourself, I think your body can need a bit of time to recover after a miscarriage. I know it's hard.

I share the guilt about abortion too. I had one about 6 and a half years ago now. Does still make me worry that these miscarriages are my punishment. Or that I won't have another baby and that will be my punishment Can't really even engage with that possibility so I try not to. And in my saner moments, I know that's not really how it works.

On a (considerably) more positive note, the way I try to look at the arrival of AF every month is 'this could be the first day of my pregnancy'. I find it can help me look forward a little bit more.

At some point in the future, we'll all have our babies in our arms. I really believe that.

Stepaway thank you for the positive words. It really helps. I've spent tonight (wild Saturday for me!) With my best pal Google. I realised that what I did different this month was switch from pregnacare to seven seas. Read a few reviews of seven seas and found that it has a tendency to lengthen people's cycles and cause back ache! Needless to say I've put it straight in the bin. I'm also rethinking these supplements and going back to basic folic acid. That's all I was on the last time I fell pg and the first time I wasn't on anything!

Lulu I think it just depends on the person... I have the seven seas conception vitamins and they definitely do not make my cycle any longer... As I say last cycle was unbelievably early at 21 days.. I've tried the pregnacare ones also but they just made me feel nauseous! I'm tempted with just the regular folic acid too except for I know that my diet isn't particularly great and reckon I would need to take at least folic acid and iron if I did it separately.
When I had my "chemical pregnancy" af arrived on day 26 was unbelievably long and i did have 3 positive pregnancy tests throughout it until I got a negative a week about 2 weeks after it all started but I don't know if that's the norm regarding the pregnancy tests...

Your probably right smurf it will just depend on the person. I'm just one of these people constantly looking for answers. All in all, what I really believe it comes down to is staying calm and stress free. The two times I've been pregnant there was no stress or desperation. I know I really need to put the OPKs down, enjoy life and be patient. I'm starting g accupuncture on Thursday in the hope that will aid my need for calmness.

I hope everyone has a positive day and that some BFPs and sticky beans are on their way very soon.

Lulu it's been the same for me. The 2 times we have been pregnant (not counting the chemical) it has been when I haven't been thinking about it at all.. But it is so so hard not to think about it isn't it? I don't do opks.. Trying to stay away.. But I do have ovia, clue and Google... Definitely don't help the not thinking about it.. For me I've had to get rid of all pregnancy tests in the house and really try incredibly hard not to buy any... It doesn't always work but I'm trying .. It's hard to believe that I first conceived this time last year and I was a full week late before I even did a test!! Good luck everyone hope we get some positives soon

It's so hard smurf. It's not easy on the men either. My husband now suffers from stage fright. I don't let him in on peak fertility days but he works it out. Especially when I don't want to dtd, he knows then AF has arrived and 2 weeks later it's 'the window'. At least this extended cycle might mix things up a bit, creating the unknown! If I'd known it would be this tricky I'd not have spent years on the pill. When in actual fact, the chances of getting pregnant are so low!