I'm such a horrible person

[MummyBearToTeddy]

I really can't be happy for people when they find out they're pregnant. I've been trying two years now without success and when people tell me what a relief it is because they've been trying three months now I just can't be excited for them because I think it's not fair.

I'm an awful person I know but do you think making myself be happy for them will send out positive vibes and help us conceive?

It's completely normal to feel jealous of people who have something you desperately want.
What investigations have you had so far?

Ive had all my day 1-4 and day 21 blood tests done and they are all fine. I've had bloods and smears done for sti's and antibodies and they are all clear. I've had an ultrasound and internal ultrasound and they are fine. Just waiting now I guess. DH has had sperm test and whilst his viable fellas are only 2% the count and motility is high so they're not worried about him. We are 35 and 37 so time is not massively on our side but it shouldn't be impossible.

I hate not being able to be happy for other people when they get their good news but every time I see their positive tests I just think the odds are further against me now. It's irrational I know.

Oh wow that's exactly how I feel. I just think it's really unfair and the more people I know pregnant the more i think won't be us.

We have had all the same tests as above but not the ultrasound because the hospital don't have my results and neither do the gp surgery. I'm waiting to get another appointment but we're told it's a long wait. I don't know what tests are next or needed. I track everything except bbt and my LH peak was two days ago. BD the last three nights but OH is getting a bit fed up and needs a night off so don't think there's much point doing it again this month as it won't count now will it.