TTC through Donor IUI or Donor IVF or just undecided - all welcome! #makeithappen #loadsofBFPs!!!!

[kwick]

This thread is for anyone trying to conceive... or thinking about doing so through donor IUI or donor IVF. Nothing TMI - feel free to join, we are a lovely group here to support and help keep the cray-cray away!
Here is the link to the previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2688511-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome-makeithappen

Here is the link to the thread before that: //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2587046-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome

[pickle162]

kwick they vary immensely! The one like 10yards from where I work is about £45 (bargain)not sure in an ideal world I would want my child there but it's the one for staff at the hospital I'm at and so close so i wouldn't have to go to a different venue 1st and if runny late can go fetch bubs then come back or pop round for lunch(haha like I ever actually get lunch-but that's my hope) some others round her are around £60, other areas around £80-90! INSANE!

[INeedNewShoes]

Kwick - LittleShoes () has seemed quite content the past two days, kicking me every so often to let me know that all is well so I am reassured by that and feeling generally more positive about the situation. I am also feeling much better myself which suggests that I must have had a bacterial infection and that the antibiotics are working.

On childcare - my local nursery charge £50 per day (prices are more reasonable here being far enough away from London I think) and the nursery looks pretty good.

My initial plan is for Littleshoes to go to a childminder for two afternoons per week from 4 months. This is because I have to resume my music teaching in September otherwise I'll lose my pupils. The local childminders charge £5–6 per hour which I think is very reasonable! Over time I will gradually increase the time with the childminder up to two days per week until they're 2 years old, then I'll think again to make use of the 15 free hours that are being brought in.

[INeedNewShoes]

Pickle - this journey we've embarked on is ludicrously costly. You'll get used to handing your credit card over and barely batting an eyelid (I have never in my life spent so much money on anything).

Having said that are you basically saying that the sperm alone is basically going to cost £1000? How many goes is that?

[pickle162]

Yep- 1 go!!!! Plus transfer and storage cost so will be around £2.1k per cycle with meds

[pickle162]

Glad littleshoes is letting u know they are still there :)

[CautionHormone]

Pickle that does seem really costly... Everywhere I've looked, the most it'd be is about £1.7k? Is there any other chance you could look anywhere else for sperm?

Shoes I'm so glad that littleshoes is nice and content in there, kicking away that must be nice and reassuring. Your scans on Saturday, right? Or am I getting you confused with kwick?! My mind is so befuddled nowadays with everything I have a hard time remembering my own name! not quite, but you get the gyst

I'm quite lucky when it comes to childcare... I have a great auntie who's only in her 50s, who is a childminder and she plans to work for at least another 5/6 years. And I trust her with my life because she's been a childminder since she was in her 30s!!

[INeedNewShoes]

Pickle - blooming heck! £2.1k would get you three cycles of unmedicated IUI at my clinic! (or two medicated). I'm such a cheapskate

Caution - my scan is on Saturday. Kwick's is next week I think.

[HopingForALittleOne]

My iui is more expensive around what pickle's works out as. There were cheaper fertility clinics but they wouldn't accept me with my bmi.

[Karendvm]

Wow, we are almost out of space on this thread! Child care is ridiculously expensive. With my last pregnancy that I miscarried at ten weeks I was planning on only being off for 3 months. Now, I have more saved so I'm hoping for at least 6 months. I would love to take the year but there is no way I can afford that.

pickle it sucks, doesn't it? So many people tell me to go buy a bottle of wine and head out on the town for a one night stand. Not interested. Lol. But it would be cheaper!

[INeedNewShoes]

Ugh! We ladies are too intelligent to be stooping to those depths

[pickle162]

It would have been £1.8k with meds if my clinic had had any donors to use, if they have to be transferred in it costs more money.....regardless of who I get it from.my clinic will only use BFA and ESB banks due to there concerns with some others with zika etc so don't have huge choice and I'm happy with the donor (he better not go in 2weeks!!) at least waiting till end of April I'll have 4more pay days. I would go abroad but just not doable with my job. The clinic nearest me (big private hospital-bleugh!) works out nearly £1k more. I'm happy with my choice and will go with the flow-it's just all these unexpected hiccups that are like argh!!!! Unfortunately I live in an expensive area for fertility but I'll just keep saving and saving.

karen quite a few people have suggested that! And agree shoes why would we stoop to that level. For a start I think it's really morally wrong to make someone a dad without them consenting!2)sti's 3) your kid will be no better off,they still prob won't know there dad &u have to admit to ur child u just shagged around or4) they will know their dad and you have to associate with the person for the rest of your life that you never wanted to be around 5) how many times do u sleep around hoping that you'll get preg!
I don't really get how people think this is a better option-yeh it's expensive but it'll be worth every penny and every month I've gone without so I can save more it will make that Little baby(hopefully/fingers crossed/pma) all the more worthwhile :)

[Latenightreader]

I get the whole "just have a one night stand" thing too, but the idea of having unprotected shenanigans with someone I've only just met is just...eww... I appear to have taken the STD lessons in PSE at school very much to heart!

It is an expensive journey but I've decided to think of it as cheaper than having a partner...

[kwick]

shoes I am so pleased littleshoes is making themselves known and that you are on the mend.

pickle re:magic potion cost - sounds about right. One of the reasons I used Xytex in the US was because cost was lower even when you included transatlantic delivery! But main reason was wider choice of latinos.
The amount of money I have spent - which I hope never to have to total up! - HUGE! I have become desensitised- so for example anything below £200 does not even register on my richter scale

I had not thought about going down child minder route but that may make more sense. Hard to plan for anything when I do not know what job I may or may not have.

The option of a one night stand was suggested to me by one of the GPs I saw

I will sort new thread

[INeedNewShoes]

Kwick - I can't believe a GP said that to you! That's shocking.

I've got quite a few gay men friends and it was suggested to me on more than one occasion that I make use of their sperm. I did actually give this option some consideration but I decided it was just too complicated. A man who at the point they're agreeing to do this assures you that they are completely fine with it might feel different once the baby is born and to me the friendships I have with these guys are far far too valuable to jeopardise.

Also I have to admit that I do feel that what I am doing is slightly irresponsible as it is (bringing a child into the world with only me to look after it). Perhaps because of this, I have wanted to do everything else as carefully as possible. So using a clinic rather than home insemination, using donor sperm that I know has been tested and quarantined as far as it can be etc. These things have been important to me.

[HopingForALittleOne]

Yep that was suggested to me too (although a male doctor did ask me why I didn't want to meet a nice young man and have children that way) and my reasons are the same as everyone else's - don't want to dupe anyone, stis, having a stranger then possibly in my life who I don't want and I also get scared the man would be a murderer and he would kill me

People have aslo suggested waiting to meet the right man. I've said I would love to meet the right man but I also don't want to wait too long and then not be able to have children. I haven't given up on idea of meeting someone post baby

[StorkAhoy]

Behold a mighty and long post:

Oh the old one night stand bit - yep my GP congratulated me on being safe and sensible rather than doing that!

Coparenting.co.uk do offer many many many gay men in your area who want to be a sperm donor or a coparent - I did consider this, but then decided to go with my own clinics bank and thats £760 incl tax per sample.

Oh my, well Kwick please have my research below!!!

so full time nursery (7:30am-6:30pm 5 days a week, incl meals, nappies, days out etc) is pretty standard £1000 a month here (approx £50-£56 for a full day but you get a discount of approx 10% across all nurseries (where i live) for having your child there full time, so the discount is built into the £1000ish) here in Milton Keynes.

Childminders are from £4 - £6 in MK

Nannies from £7.50-£12 in MK. (you can of course try find a nanny share, or a nanny who is caring for her own children at the same time and that will reduce the cost).

Au Pairs cost between £60-£80 a week depending on duties (but remember they can't(shouldn't) be left with under threes for more than 3 hours) + they live with you, so extra council tax, extra food and utilities, bus pass (or if you can afford to give them a car...!). They need to full days off a week, one which should be sunday, they can babysit two nights a week, they need a desk and their own room, they need to be able to get a to an english class (that is why they are here after all), and they must be treated as one of the family, and they get 4 wks off a year) so au pairs lets say total £650 a month approximately. (This will be my go to once the kids are in school, many of my friends have au pairs for this reason, school pick up, holiday cover, laundry and meals assistance etc)

So currently my thinking is: if twins, Aupair as I am home 3 days a week working from home office so I will be in the house with them, for the two days Im at work then the kids go off to a childminder from 9am-5pm, with the au pair dropping them off and picking them up. Au Pairs also do the kids laundry and cook for the family and do light cleaning. - thats about £1100ish

If I have one lovely mini stork, then probably the same as above, or full time Childminder , or au pair/nursery mix - those options are £850ish, full time nursery would be something I would consider if I needed to.

so lots of ways of cutting the cake.

Because of my wage I get essentially no help (nor do I expect it), apart from nursery childcare vouchers which is a salary sacrifice, and hopefully when the kiddwink is 3 they will have brought in the 30hrs free childcare, rather than the 15hrs free childcare!! 30hrs is supposed to be pushed out nationwide this year after the pilots are finished.... but thats from 3 years old, so thats of no help with a baby.

I get 6mths full time pay may leave, plus holidays etc, so year 7.5mths off, then use more hols to work 2, 3 and 4 day weeks at the beginning to ease myself back into work.

From more research I've carried out, its very much child dependent on how they settle in to the nursery or childminder situation. and both types of care tend to have apps and secure cctv which you can see a live stream of the care setting. from friends children that Ive seen those at nursery tend to come on more quickly in terms of development, but a childminding environment can be more nurturing.... ideally go for a childminder who works alongside an assistant, or another ousted registered childminder so if one gets sick there is cover for your child - thats the plus point about nurseries - theres always cover.

So yeah, £1000 ish a month if needing full-time care....

lets all say it together: 'ouch'.

(but totally worth it, obviously!)

apologies if you've all nodded off during this novel length post....

[INeedNewShoes]

Stork - interesting breakdown of costs in MK (I'm not far away from you!). Are there plenty of au pairs who are willing to live in MK? I've assumed they would all want to be in London.

Having said that, I'm in a village that's 3 miles from the nearest train station, so if I were to have an au pair they would have to appreciate the rural life! There's an hourly bus to local towns but I imagine I would have to put them on my car insurance in order for them to have a bit of freedom to explore.

My plan re work is to make as much per hour as I possibly can, so that I don't have to work a 40-hour week, which is why I'll give up my employed job. With that job, by the time I paid for travel to London plus 12 hours' childcare I'd earn around £14 per day! With my freelance business I generally earn close to twice that amount per hour working at home with no travel costs and some of the work will be able to be done with the child around so a 6-hour session at the childminder's (at a cost of roughly £30) will be sufficient for me to do a day's work.

[kwick]

shoes I feel that I am being extremely responsible - this way I will have someone to look after me in my dotage and not be a burden on the state

I spent years waiting for Mr Right - should have taken the plunge when I was in my 30s and semi-fertile!

Thanks stork for sharing!
No room for an au pair.
Amazeballs research!!!
I may have to go down nursery route - Although with childminder you can get longer hours?
£1k/month - less than what I have been spending TTC
Still hoping for a big lottery win!

[kwick]

I did it - I started a new thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome?watched=1

[kwick]

Hmm do not think that link works - try this one:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2832207--makeithappen-TTC-through-Donor-IUI-or-Donor-IVF-or-just-undecided-all-welcome

[kwick]

⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️ PLEASE GO TO NEW THREAD ⛔️⛔️⛔️📛

[kwick]

⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️ PLEASE GO TO NEW THREAD ⛔️⛔️⛔️⛔️

[kwick]

Come on over to the new thread!

[kwick]

[kwick]