The October bus (cont'd)

[PurpleHaze1]

Wow! What a chatty bunch

I can see a very faint line me9an! Congratulations to you & skee!

New bus so I'll repeat my stats...

Name: Purple
Age 29
TTC #2 (DD 28 months)
Cycle 5
CD 21 / 7 dpo

Fx for lots more BFPs!

rosevalley - she already knows I miscarried earlier this year and I've since had 7 months of BFNs so there isn't anything I can say to her that she isn't already aware of.

To be honest, I'm more upset that despite knowing everything she still sent me a photo of her HPT with its clear second line. If she'd just text me and told me I probably would have handled it better but seeing a large image of a positive pregnancy test has just really upset me.

I just think a bit of sensitivity wouldn't have gone amiss

rosebud - I have no idea what I would even say to her. I don't feel happy for her, I just feel upset, jealous and angry. I had to hide myself away for ten minutes so DH wouldn't have know I had been crying.

I think I will just leave it for 24 hours, like you said, I think I need to wait for my initial reaction to wear off before I say anything.

writer How insensitive!!! I'm angry on your behalf. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't respond.

Sorry my reply should have said "send her a text back and let her know how you're feeling" she might have been so blinded with happiness that she didn't stop to think about your feelings. A very difficult situation. Xxx

Writer I remember when my friend phoned me to tell me she was pregnant. I felt so angry and upset. I wanted to tell her that she didn't deserve it and it should have been me. I congratulated her and got off the phone ASAP. The thing is she was dreading telling me. She knew it would hurt me but she didn't want me to find out from someone else. I think your friend could have delivered the news differently. I think until you've been where we are it's hard to understand. Maybe in a day or two you'll be able to pluck up enough courage to reply. Are you the only one in your group struggling to conceive? I think maybe you need help to deal with everything you've been through this year. I don't mean professional help, just speaking to a friend who can empathise. It's really not easy being surrounded by people who don't get it.

Writer, that does seem a bit insensitive. Is she normally a considerate kind of person? Could this be pg hormones/craziness at play here?

I wouldn't dream of doing that. With DD2, I dreaded telling friends and family who were having problems. It felt like it wasn't my turn and I felt really guilty. In fact I wanted to hide the pg most of the time.

It's not fair and she's not dealing with it in a very sensitive way but it will get better.

God writer thats horrific. It sounds like she either has no idea what you're feeling (have you talked to her about how affected you are?) or she's just an awful friend. Don't reply until you've stopped being angry though. If you stop being angry! What a joke :( xx

Well I text her last night to say congratulations and she sent me a message back to say thanks and ask if I wanted to meet up for lunch today. I absolutely don't want to meet up.

I think I'm more sensitive because if I hadn't have miscarried earlier this year the baby's due date would only be 3 weeks away. I guess I had hoped I would have at least been pregnant again by the time this date came around so it's just another blow that I'm not.

I'm sorry for being so miserable, I've just been really down about everything over the last few days and my friend's BFP has just pushed me over the edge.

I doubt she understands what you're going through and perhaps you only understand once you've been through it. I totally understand why you don't want to see her. Is it her first?

Ahh big hugs writer, especially for the due date. Xx

Thanks lulu.

ali - it's her second. Her first one has just turned 2. We are quite close generally as our sons are kind of the same age so we do a lot of things together. I wouldn't expect her to know that my 'due date' was approaching but I am a little hurt by how much she's thrusting it in my face knowing about my miscarriage and how I'm struggling with the fact I just keep getting BFNs ever since. Ah well. My anger has definitely lessened than how it was yesterday though so hopefully after a few more days of calming down I will able to feel genuinely happy for her.

Hi writer - sorry to hear about your friend's insensitivity. Me and DP stopped using contraception 14 months ago now but didn't properly start trying until about 5 months ago. One of my best friends started trying about 9 months after us. It was great initially as had someone to talk to about vitamins, and have a moan about the fact it wasn't happening. She then got pregnant and all conversations about the difficulties stopped. My friend isn't having the easiest of pregnancies and has been confiding in me which has made it even harder. She needs someone to talk to and forgets I do to. She's worried about her baby, I'm worried I'll never have one. I don't say anything as I'm worried it will come out wrong and sound a bit like 'well at least your pregnant' which is not how I would want it to sound. As well as the sounding off, I get all the pictures of the bump and anything baby related she's bought too.

As for me, I'm out for this month. Again. I got a promotion at work so was convinced this would be my month in a sod's law kind of way. My mental health is starting to suffer. I've suffered with anxiety / depression throughout most of my life and can feel it returning. Aside from a period of about 4 years I've managed with no medication. I think I'm going to be at a point soon when I have to decide to stop trying.

Writer I think you should meet with her today and get everything off your chest. This is only going to eat you alive if you don't let her know how you're feeling. I'm sure once it registers with her how you're feeling she will know how to approach you with things in the future.

"Yesterday you really caught me off guard, I'm so happy for you. But in the same space I'm so utterly devastated that I'm not sharing the same news with you about my own pregnancy. It's been very hard since my miscarriage and I'll admit your news has completely effected me in a way I don't know how to get out of. Please can you be sensitive to the fact that I'm actively trying to expand my family and feel devastated it's not happening as quickly as I'd love."

Massive hugs, writer. It's a double-edged sword; it's great she loves you enough to want you to share the journey with her but also terribly hard on you because of what you've been through. The best advice I can offer, not having been in the situation, is to give yourself time before engaging with her again, which sounds as though you know anyway.

vox and writer

vox only you know your situation of course but please don't give up. Have you tried psychological therapy before and if you have, would you be willing to try again?

Sorry to hear about your experience with anxiety/depression vox. That sounds really tough. I hope you can dodge it this time.

People should invent a way of getting pregnant without being aware of what's going on because the mental torture each month is exactly that, torture.

Congrats on your promotion though. Do you feel positive about that?

I have some experience from the other side if you want to hear it?

My friend found out a few years ago she can't have kids, and was even refused adoption. When I told her I was pregant a few years ago(sensitively though) she was upset and said she would have to back away from me for a while. I told her I completely understood and we're still friends now (neighbours too!)

So yeah, I say be completely honest with them and they'll probably realise how insensitive they're being. If they're good friends they'll understand, if not- make some new ones!

vox & writer

Sorry you're both having such a rough ride of it. I'd hope a good friend would understand if you needed to pull back a bit for some space & hold off on the bump pics! It's really hard when what you want to much is right there in your face. Hope you have some good support if you feel things slipping back vox.

I've had a day of weird pains...forgotton what cycles off the pill are like! Hoping it's ovulation pains but who knows. I wasn't going to test opk's this time, I was planning on being all relaxed about it all never going to happen

Sorry to hear you've had a hard time with your friend. Earlier this year I found out I was pregnant and didn't know how to tell my close friend who was going through IVF having tried to conceive for years. I agonised over the best way to do it but miscarried at 10 weeks before I did. I did then feel able to talk to her about the miscarriage and she was a great support. I'm sorry that your friend hasn't shown herself to be more supportive- hope you can sort things out x

Sorry to hear you're both having a rough time vox & writer

Oh god it is just a minefield isn't it?
I have a couple of friends who i will feel dreadful about telling if i do get pregnant again. I think honesty is always the best way though otherwise you get yourself into knots it all gets worse.
Sending a pic of a BFP is quite insensitive though i have to say.

Any more news from anyone else on here? I had 2 days of positive OPKs and this evenings was very faint so i am reading from that that i have actually ovulated which is good news for me! Only managed to get dtg once though so pretty sure i'll be on the November bus too.....
I guess i am now entering the dreaded 2ww
Hope everyone has a lovely week
x

Sand I said that I was going to be relaxed this time and just DTD every other day. Lasted about 2 cycles lol.

Thanks for the messages. I've had therapy twice now but it didn't help. Whilst some of my issues stem from emotional abuse as a child, a lot are the result of a brain injury which no amount of talking will fix. I had really good results from a relatively low dose of medication and wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life on it if I needed to - it just isn't an option right now.

I'm very nervous about the promotion, I guess some of that comes from having little confidence in myself. There is also a very objective measure of whether I'm doing a successful job but it doesn't just depend on me doing my thing - there are so many other variables.

I actually feel quite stressed at the moment, which is something I've never really experienced before.

Oh vox that sounds like a bad cocktail of causes (hope that doesn't come across as flippant). If the meds aren't an option right now, I hope you've got some other coping mechanisms.

It's totally understandable to be nervous about the promotion. The longer I work, the more I realise how many other people feel like frauds and that they're winging it. For ages I thought it was just me! But I have to keep reminding myself of this as I often have "wobbly" periods. I bet you're way better at your job than you think you are!

I was sorry to read of your loss at 10 weeks catlady

Good news that you had two days of positive OPKs unicorn. Fx!

I got a positive opk today on cd18. We did the dtg last night but oh is ill tonight so doubt this will be our month. Does anyone know when you ovulate after a positive Opk?