Ttc after late miscarriage. Let's support each other. X

[molly29]

I was finally pregnant with my third child after 5 years of ttc. I was 22 weeks when I had a bleed and found out our little girl was dead.
I am 33 and desperate to fall pregnant and trying to grieve.
Just wondered if anyone else is in a similar position and we could help each other along?

[Impatientwino]

I think I should have shares in first response the amount I've bought! Terrible isn't it!

Dates are so horrid aren't they, even reading the word March in next years work planner has turned my stomach sometimes. I hope you didn't think I was asking why on earth are you stopping TTC, I did wonder if there were sad reasons attached to dates and that's why I asked. I feel like we carry such burdens, makes me so sad that things aren't easy.

Well done for the weight loss, I'm 2 down this week but I do have a bit of yoyo habit so not getting too excited yet!

Hope you felt comforted by visiting Finley today. That's such a lovely name, it was on our boys list.

DH took DS1 to visit William today and he came back and told me he gave William 100 kisses. He actually kisses his stone, it's so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time. Later today he then asked if William was coming home yet and when we said no he said 'but he can't stay in the special garden forever' in such a confused voice.

Literally floored me, he's only 4 but he knew his brother was coming, he's jumped in his cot, unpacked my hospital bag lots, put Williams teddies in his bed, pushed the pram round with his bear in it and he has no idea why William never came home. My poor boy should not have to deal with this, makes me so sad and angry....

[molly29]

Hi Ladies,
How r u?
It's been a brutal week again.
We spent all day again in hospital Monday and they then referred me to a specialist in london(3hours away) who discovers I have a right tubal pregnancy. So today was another day in hospital deciding what to do. They were talking about taking the tube but will let me try meds first, it's a risk because it's quite far along now. Fingers crossed it works! Have to be monitored carefully for quite a few weeks.
I can't believe we have lost another pregnancy. What on earth?
I also have a friend who's due any day to have her baby. She messaged me once 5 months ago to say she's pregnant and keeping her distance and I said thank you. Last week I just messaged her to say I'm thinking of her and hope she's well but I hope she understands it's still too painful for me......and I have had no response,
Feeling utterly heartbroken. X

[molly29]

Kimbles, well done on the weight loss that's fab!
Impatient, it is so hard to understand as an adult let alone if your DS is 4 bless him.
This world is so cruel but we want to protect our children from that.
Fingers crossed it will work out for us all. X

[Impatientwino]

Oh Molly what a week for you. You poor poor thing, I hope that they are looking after you. Are you still taking the meds and are they working?

[AgainPlease]

Hey ladies I've just discovered this thread. Waves at impatient from another TTC board

I lost my son at 20 weeks in August. First pregnancy after two years TTC and successful 1st round IVF. The booking-in midwife failed to flag up my medical history which meant I should have been consultant led and high-risk but instead was left to my own devises. Went in to pre-term labour because my cervix was wide open which let an infection in to the womb. The whole thing was a disaster.

Had a chemical pregnancy a few days ago and hoping to do IVF this month as I'm too impatient.

[molly29]

Welcome!
I find jotting stuff down into this thread where we are all in similar boats really helps. Hope it helps you too.
I had the injection for the ectopic on Wednesday, hcg has gone up according to today's blood test but apparently that's not unusual. Hope they will have gone down enough by Tues. I don't want to lose my tube😢

[AgainPlease]

Oh dear Mollly. Is that what you've been told, that you will lose a tube!? That's heartbreaking :(

[molly29]

Hiya.
Was given the injection on Wednesday. My hug must go down by 15% by Tuesday, I will then be offered another lot of melds if it hasn't worked. I think if it doesn't they have to take my tube. I am constantly on edge as my tube could rupture at any point.
This is the first time I have contemplated giving up trying for another, I am exhausted by the whole thing.
I just want to go back and our little girl to have been ok. It's a nightmare.
Having a really down day.
I feel like every time I pick myself back up something knocks me down again.
Sorry for moaning.x

[Impatientwino]

Never apologise for moaning. You have plenty to moan about.

That emotional exhaustion is just horrific. You're still trying to grieve for your daughter and make sense of what on earth has happened and the injustice of it all and this on top is just hideous.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. I know it's hard but don't try and worry about the future and trying again. Concentrate on getting through today. Tomorrow worry only about tomorrow. It might help with your stress levels.

& to you and a massive unmumsnetty hug don't tell anyone

Hi Again - nice to hear from you

[kimblesj]

Oh Molly how tough for you! I can only try and imagine how you must feel, you deserve some good news. I have my fingers crossed that the injection works and your levels come down. In the meanwhile take things easy and moan here all you need to. Dark days are bound to happen and I'm sure there will be more to come for everyone so we can at least support each other here.
Be kind on yourself x

[kimblesj]

Hello again, so sorry you too are in this boat and I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your son. Let's hope we all have a good month this month.
Hoping that you have a successful cycle this month and you get a sticky bean

[kimblesj]

How did you get on yesterday Molly?

[Impatientwino]

Just checking in to see if there's any news from Molly

[Impatientwino]

Right well its all gone tits up here.

Got a faint positive a week ago and line was getting darker when I re tested. Got a positive on Wednesday again on a clearblue digital but I've been getting quite a lot of pain so was a bit concerned - got referred to EPU and spent the day there yesterday.

Had a scan and they've confirmed no ectopic thank goodness but after bloods taken yesterday looks like early miscarriage. I've not had any bleeding yet so waiting for it to start.

I found it so awful being at the hospital again and the consultant who scanned me and told us William had died was there and I've not seen her again since that morning so I found that terrifying.

Feel sad and cross. I was so nervous but excited about the possibility of a baby opening up again only to have it snatched away after a week again.

Molly I so hope you're doing ok

[AgainPlease]

Oh Impatient I'm so sorry, what a roller coaster of emotions! Are you 100% sure that you are miscarrying? What did the blood tests reveal?

I'm excited to get pregnant again but I'm petrified going back to the hospital to do all of it all over again. I'll be on edge the whole time. I have no faith in the system after being sent home from A&E twice when I voiced concerns a week before going in to labour.

An old school friend of mine gave birth earlier this week and was posting loads of pics on social media and then PM'd me asking how was my pregnancy going (I'd be well in to my third trimester by now). I haven't responded to her and I wish I had never told her I was pregnant too.

[Impatientwino]

Yes definitely miscarrying - my Hcg level was so low on Friday its definitely not viable.

Anyway last night I started cramping and bleeding so I'm glad it's happened quickly because my last miscarriage was a missed one and I ended up with surgery so wouldn't want to go down that road again.

I have to say I found the last week really tough knowing I was pregnant again - I did get the flutters of excitement and I tried to be positive but mainly just tried to get through each day.

Hope everyone is doing ok X

[kimblesj]

Oh goodness impatient poor you, I hope you are managing to look after yourself and taking things easy.
We are back in 2 week wait again but I think I got ovulation date wrong I think actually it happened on day 18 rather than 15 and husband has a bad back so it has either got there or it hasn't. This is my last month trying until next year so if we don't catch then that's that.

Thinking of you all, hope Molly is doing ok too x

[AgainPlease]

Impatient that is truly shit and I'm so sorry :(

I'm having a really tough day today. I was reading an article in OK magazine about Peter Andre and his wife who is pregnant and she was saying how they have all their baby stuff (prams, cot, etc.) and I looked in to our empty nursery and empty hallway - no cot, no pram, maternity clothes stashed at the back of the wardrobe... I cried for a good hour.

Will this grief ever go away??!

[AgainPlease]

Kimblesj why are you going to stop until next year? X

[kimblesj]

Just because Finley was due in September so I don't want a September baby again, August is a bad month in our family, 2 of my siblings were born in August and both died of cot death. Then we don't want to have a baby so close to Christmas as we have lots of birthdays around then so we will wait until May/June to try again I think d

[AgainPlease]

I'm sorry darling I didn't know Finley was due in September. I thought you were like me and didn't want to have a baby born in late July or August because they'd be the youngest in the year 🙈 I know how stupid I sound now because I'd cut off all my limbs just to have a healthy baby in my arms even if it meant they were born on 31st August!

It's funny how an experience like this changes your perspective on a whole bunch of things in life.

[Impatientwino]

My DS1 is end of July - doesn't make any difference. He's happy and healthy which is what's important.

Stupidly checked my Facebook having avoided it for a while and low and behold someone else is pregnant and it's their third and they are 'soooo excited but hoping for a girl'

Yes God forbid you have a boy, like my beautiful boy who died the day before he was supposed to be born. People are idiots, utterly naive idiots.

I honestly despair of people I truly do.

This path is so so painful, I just want to get off

[kimblesj]

You are right, it shouldn't make a difference but I'm just very paranoid and anxious around those dates now

[Impatientwino]

Oh love I didn't mean it like that at all, like not in the slightest - I meant about being the youngest in the school year - I worried about that before he was born - lots of family members mentioned it repeatedly - like he was going to a third rate citizen or something

The thought of having another baby with a March due date makes me want to vomit. I totally understand what you meant

[kimblesj]

How are you all doing now? X