Ttc after late miscarriage. Let's support each other. X

[molly29]

I was finally pregnant with my third child after 5 years of ttc. I was 22 weeks when I had a bleed and found out our little girl was dead.
I am 33 and desperate to fall pregnant and trying to grieve.
Just wondered if anyone else is in a similar position and we could help each other along?

Hi. How r u?
I'm so confused. Had this brown old blood everyday on and off for 6 days,such a small amount and at times has stopped. Did another clear blue test and still faint positive. I'm so confused! Surely implantation bleeds don't last this long?

I'm sure they can, brown blood is a good sign! As is having positive tests. Have you got an epu Near by? You could always give them a call although I know they can't see much until about 7 weeks?
I was really teary today, think the decision to get on and ttc this month was more monumental than I thought. Saw counsellor today though so that helped me work through my thoughts and have a conclusion as to why I feel so sad so now I feel slightly better about it if you know what I mean.

I hate those days! Ttc again is a difficult one with so so many worries and anxieties. I am so glad that talking helped. The short amount of councilling I had helped me, after every session I literally felt lighter. I don't like talking to people about it anymore as I think they will be brought down by it. Some days I never feel I will know what being happy is again. It's such a roller coaster. It already feels like a long journey with parts of grief I never expected.
I rang epu this morning funnily enough. The lady said it could be implantation bleeding or a chemical pregnancy and watch for signs of ectopic, she said at this point think 50/50 and actually that helps. It's going to be a long 2 week wait! She also said test next week and see if it's negative. It doesn't feel right but I don't know if that's my mind protecting me.
I hope u feeling a better today.

I really have everything crossed for you. I know the next two weeks will seem like forever, try and set short goals. Think about things you have to do with your children like next Wednesday we have so and so to do after school etc and it will go a bit quicker than if you concentrate on the pregnancy X

Hiya.
Hope u r well. Unfortunately I have really heavy bleeding so it's definitely a miscarriage. It didn't feel right. I just hope things can go back to normal quickly. I'm trying to see it as a positive thing that I fell quickly again. X

Oh Molly I am so sorry. It doesn't seem
Fair that it has been such an awful year for you. I hope that your luck changes. Will you have to get checked out? X

Hiya.
No doctor said as long as it's no heavier than a heavy period and I get a negative test this week then my body has done the job.
Trying to be positive. I would rather now than later and we fell quickly so we r doing everything right.
As soon as the heavy bleeding started I wanted to say sod it and eat my body weight in chocolate and down a bucket of tea to wash it down. But I know that eating right might help us fall again and hopefully the next one will stick.
Will always view a positive test as the first hurdle.
How's things with u?

Hi Molly I'm sorry about all the pain you're going through and that you have lost so many babies. Life is so cruel. I hope that your body handles the miscarriage without medical intervention.

I lost my second son William at 39 weeks 6 months ago and we have decided that another child in our home and in our hearts might help us cope better with our loss.

Prior to William I had a MMC at 10 weeks and had to have an ERPC. I'm utterly terrified and feel so out of control of my life. Even heading back down the TTC road fills me with dread. I didn't have the best pregnancy with either of my boys (ds1 is 4) with lots of bleeds and scans so I was definitely 'done' so in honesty it's not a road I'm looking forward to going down.

However I'm 37 so we don't have a huge amount of time really plus I kind of want to get it over and down with if that makes sense. For me pregnancy, even late pregnancy does not equal baby so it's just going to be hideous until the end.

My cycles have been all out of whack which I know is to be expected after such trauma and stress but obviously that makes things more complicated.

I bought a clearblue ovulation kit last month and it didn't detect any ovulation so I had a bit of meltdown at the doctors and they are sending me for day 7 and day 21 bloods to see I'm ovulating and also some other bloods to check my other hormone levels. I'm trying to stay relaxed about it all but failing miserably.

Day 7 bloods are tomorrow and then I'm off for a weekend away with my lovely girlfriends to try and get away for a couple of days. They have been amazing and have helped me and DH so so much unlike some of our friends who have just avoided us like we have the plague or something. The whole thing is just so hideous.

I hope you didn't mind me joining you but I'd like to have somewhere to get some of my feelings out with people who understand and hopefully support others too.

Hi Impatient,
I am so glad you joined are chat but sorry for what you have been through.
I think this is a good place to share and vent with no judgement. I know it's helped me sharing with others who have similar experiences.
It's such a difficult road we are walking but our success rate of getting through each day is 100%.
How has your Ds1 coped? It must be hard because he's so little?
Ttc fills me with so many mixed emotions.
I had to have a scan in the end this week just to check I had a complete miscarriage which thankfully it was. But I had a panic attack which surprised me because the thought of having to be pulled around again felt so traumatic to me. I feel like some things I haven't thought about are the things that end up bringing it all back for me.
I am currently thinking about scattering our little girls ashes, I hadn't felt ready until now but I think it's something I need to do soon.
My body is still messed up from the early miscarriage but hopefully I will get back on track and they said as soon as bleed stops we can try again.
Hope your weekend was lovely and relaxing.x

Sorry I have been so busy with work. Molly I'm so sad for you but glad it was complete and so you don't have to deal with the physical aspect of it being drawn out.

Hey impatient,

Welcome to the fearful crew.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your son. It's such a massive hole to be left I completely understand that. Our son was born in April and this month is the first time I have ovulated, I had an ovulation bleed and a +ve test for ovulation so we dtd a few times and I'm excited for a possible two lines but equally completely fearful of them.
I hate that we probably won't enjoy our future pregnancies through worry.
Agree with the no safe zone. Until I have a physical baby in my arms I won't believe it, I'm worried about bonding and things that I shouldn't even think about yet with my hypothetical pregnancy.
We at least have this, where we can talk openly and honestly without the taboo and feeling concerned for others awkwardness.
We can help each other through it xx

Hi Ladies.
I am so confused! Had 3 blood tests in last week and instead of hcg going down it keeps doubling, was 80 on Wednesday, 154 on Friday and 386 today (Monday). I'm terrified it's something complicated. I had my head round having a miscarriage again and now this....any ideas? Scared of Eptopic! My heads so messed up. Got a scan next Tuesday morning. Hope u guys are having more luck. X

Are you still bleeding Molly? Did you bleed heavily for long? I have no experience, but if you suffer from any pain you should get checked out straight away!

Hiya kimbles,
Bleed brown discharge for a week and then reed blood like a period for a week and now back to brown. It's messing with my head so much. Think it's going to be the longest weeks wait til scan. Planning on keeping busy.
How r u doing?

How rubbish for you, I really hope it all works out and you get an answer, the worst is the not knowing.
I am ok, in the 2 week wait at the moment and just not thinking about it. Dh goes away on a charity event to raise money for the maternity hospital on Wednesday and isn't back until Monday. Dreading 3 kids on my own but it will make time go quickly I guess x

How are things Molly? X

I am now leaving to go to hospital for 5th set of bloods as my hcg keeps doubling. I have no idea what's going on and none of it makes sense. I am so nervous. I have a scan on Tuesday. My head is spinning. How r u? How's it going with your other half away? X

What a nightmare for you not knowing. We are in the 2ww at the moment, 11dpo and negative test, don't think we will get a positive this month but we are at least on track x

Hi ladies sorry for the delay. I've had a dreadful few days. When the sad hits me it's still as terrifying as day 1 and sometimes I just can't shift it. Even the thought of typing out stuff makes me so tired if that makes sense?

Anyway (deep breath) I've had a much better day today and I'm currently in a bubble bath with a big glass of wine so thought I'd catch up with you both.

Molly oh my, what on earth is going on? You poor thing, you must be so confused. Hopefully you will have a clear idea what is going soon. The wait for scans is hideous isn't it.

Kimbles, Urghh the 2 ww! Horrid and long. As you say at least you know you're on track. Feeling a bit in control is so much better. Got everything crossed for you.

Well I've had my day 7 blood done and day 21 is Thursday so we will just have to see what they say. I've actually been doing the clearblue ov kit again this month. Got the flashing smiley in day 14 to show hormones have risen but still no ovulation detected and today is day 17 so we will see. Goodness knows what is going on with me!

Am going to focus on trying to lose a little weight and running more as that is something within my control and I think it will make me feel a little more confident, a bit better about myself. I'm still carrying some pregnancy weight - only a few pounds up but I was overweight before so my bmi is sitting at 29 so I'd like to get that down a bit. (She says with a glass of wine in hand and a pie cooking in the oven!) To be fair it is our wedding Anni today so we're being a bit naughty!

Hoping for a static smiley tomorrow but we will see, DH goes away overnight tomorrow so we'll have to get busy tonight and then again in the morning - DH alarm goes off at 6 so it's not going to be a very romantic tussle at that time in the morning!

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Molly and hoping you get a clear answer x

Hey ladies, 2ww over and after a faint positive we ended with af! Oh well, new month to begin! Last month of ttc for us until January now.
How did you get on Molly?

Impatient did you get a positive ovulation day? So frustrating isn't it!
I'm working on shifting some pounds too and trying to be the best version of myself while ttc, it's the only thing I have control of as far as trying to keep a pregnancy safe so I'm doing my best too.

Hi ladies,
Sorry for being AWOL, still having increased hcg blood tests every 48 hours. Got another scan Monday as last time they couldn't see anything. Today was touch and go whether I was going to stay in hospital but thankfully I don't have to. My head is spinning. They are thinking ectopic.
Oh Kimbles, a faint positive then AF is so cruel. How r u feeling about it?
If I have to have meds to end pregnancy I can't ttc for three months!!!
I am going to join you girls in trying to shift some weight and get in tip top condition for carrying a baby hopefully.
We all deserve this to work out for us.x

Morning ladies. Gosh Molly, not surprised your head is spinning, I hope you get some answers and I hope it doesn't turn out to be ectopic.

What a horrid drawn out episode and I don't know you but the thought of going back to the hospital and the EPU for scans make me feel really frightened and so uncomfortable - are you coping ok with that?

Kimbles, sorry to hear you got your AF, that's rubbish. Early tests are a bit of a double edged sword aren't they. Every month we have ever tried to conceive I've told myself I'm not going to use them and every month I have caved and start POAS like a crazy women as soon as they would detect something. I have no self control! Can I ask why you're stopping TTC for a few months? Is it date related? It must feel like losing control a bit? I know that makes me feel more unstable?

So I finally got a static ovulation smiley this month but on day 19 which is quite late isn't it? The added complication was that DH was working abroad do I think we may have missed the boat this month - we had sex a lot before he left and when he got back but concerned about the gap in the middle.

Oh well, it is what it is. In other news I'm starting a form of psychotherapy called EMDR in a couple of weeks which is used to help people with traumatic memories and PTSD so I'm hoping that is going to help me as I'm getting some terrible flashbacks of Williams birth and the aftermath. The therapist comes highly recommended by an ex solider friend of mine who suffers terribly with PTSD after 2 tours of Afghan and he is doing so much better after seeing this lady for treatment.

Hope you both have a nice Sunday ahead, DH is away so it's just DS1 and me - he wants to go to a local soft play so currently trying to
Convince him that swimming and a pub lunch would be much more fun!

I know, I kicked myself for testing early, stupid tests!
Dates wise, I don't want to risk a baby being due in August or September. August is a month in which two of my siblings were born and they both died of cot death so it's a bad omen. September is when Finley was due so I don't want to have another baby then, even though ds2 is a September baby, it's just something I now want to avoid.

Molly it sounds so complicated and such an emotional turmoil for you. I'm hoping Monday gives you some answers. It is my worst nightmare. Someone in my baby group had a baby of unknown position and had drugs, she hadn't experienced a loss before that. Anyway she went on to have a very healthy baby afterwards.

Impatient, that must be frustrating that dh works away. Hopefully you dtd enough and some swimmers are hanging about waiting for the egg. Positive opk is great news!

On the up side I have started metformin for my pcos and have lost 8lb in 3 weeks so I feel like I'm on the right track body wise. I'm off to visit Finley's grave today as I haven't been for a few weeks and don't want it to get all over grown and unloved looking. I like going and talking to him