When to give up?

[Gardencentregroupie]

I have one child, difficulty getting pregnant the first time, always saw myself with 2 but have spotting that's heralding the arrival of my 17th period since starting to try for number 2. I know that's not a long time for many people but it's a lot of disappointment - duty shagging - 2ww - disappointment and all the mental energies that go with it. When to call it quits and flog the clothes and moses baskets and isofix bases and stretchy wraps etc etc? Just musing really as I know it's not time to quit yet...

Sorry you've already bought baby stuff before your pregnant? Or you've kept things from your first one? If it's the former get rid all of it. You don't need any more emotional stress and pressure on yourself and not to mention the disappointment. I'm on my 13th cycle and i know what your feeling like, my advice is stop all the duty sex etc. You could be trying for years yet u don't know and in the mean time it'll ruin your sex life and possibly your relationship. Have you sort any help? I'm currently on my first cycle of clomid.

I just tried to develop a que sera sera attitude and sort of gradually moved on to not actively trying as such, but not doing anything to prevent pregnancy either. All the baby things went in the loft where they weren't in my face, and I've only got rid of them recently, although my daughter is now 11.

It's hard though, OP, but having the best girl in the world helps, and I'm pretty sure your child is the best in the world too.

Hi garden - I know exactly how you feel - next month is 2 years ttc number 2 and the spotting has started tonight. I've tried everything- vitamins, acupuncture, reflexology etc, etc. I am totally ready to give up but when I think of not being able to have a 2nd dc it completely breaks my heart. Everyone around me who has been ttc since we started is either pregnant or had their babies and will probably get pregnant again and we're still plodding on and I have had enough.

I've only recently given up hope of having a second child, 3.5 years after my daughter was born. I really don't think it will happen. In some ways it's a weight off my shoulders. I can plan the next phase of my life instead of living with the uncertainty - will this be the month I start the whole pregnancy cycle again?

I've given away almost all DD's baby clothes and almost all her baby toys. But I've kept most of her clothes from age 2 onwards. I have no idea why I've kept some. I'm not ready yet to part with them I guess. DH certainly isn't. We will deal with it when we run out of storage space (probably end of the year!).

DH is starting to lose hope too I think. He gave away our cot a few months ago. It was in the garage. He used to say "when DC2 arrives" but now he rarely mentions it.

I haven't actively TTC a second baby but we haven't done anything to prevent it either (same as with DD1). If I invest too much energy and hope I will just prolong the disappointment I feel with each period. It's too much pressure and instead I need to focus on how lovely life is with my daughter.

If you don't feel ready to give up, don't. If having your first child's baby things around is too hard why not put them somewhere out of sight? It's so hard. I don't think it sounds like you are ready to give up but that's just from reading your post. Maybe just try and enjoy your partner again and have a if it happens it happens philosophy. I know only too well though that it can be hard when you desperately want another baby. If I'm honest as well, I find it hard if someone says enjoy the child/children you have as obviously you do but it doesn't stop your heart and soul wanting more. Be gentle to yourself and I really hope your dreams come true xx

I'm another one in this boat. DD is almost 7 & we've been ttc no 2 for almost 2 years. I'm on my first cycle of clomid & i'm not pregnant this month. I have 3 months of clomid left & then I think if it doesn't work then it may be time to call it a day I can't keep putting my life on hold, and the duty sex is no good for us. I'm one of life's planners & I feel in limbo, I hate it.

I think for us it will be a case of using contraception and totally & utterly accepting that it will never happen and that we need to move on. It brings tears to my eyes thinking of it though.