We are the Viroid Warriors! We are practising our PMAs and stockpiling the rare FRERs, come join us for the continued BFP boom...it's only bloody JS 60!!!

[stumblymonkey]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 59 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2579958-We-have-enjoyed-jizzidents-and-jizznamis-We-are-fans-of-having-a-rummage-and-we-are-getting-all-the-baby-juice-we-can-to-keep-the-bfp-boom-going-Join-us-in-JS-59" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2582188-Weve-got-newbies-to-cheer-us-on-the-February-Warm-Up-is-complete-after-waiting-nine-long-months-its-only-bloody-time-for-March-Madness-Welcome-to-JS-thread-no-46" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2588689-we-re-still-teething-trying-to-wean-and-our-babies-just-won-t-go-to-sleep-when-we-re-trying-to-js-for-another-one-it-s-just-mumming-no-11" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

corgi it's so good to have you back!

alice that sounds so frustrating. DH seems to go through a similar process annually and it really gets him down- not a good way to make your employees feel valued.

NFMV- CD33 of a 28-33 day cycle. Tiny pink spotting last night, nothing this morning. ++cramps. AF is most likely on her way but maybe not...

Gx Scottish. You're not out until you're out.

Good to hear from you corgi.

Alice what's the maternity package like at your current job? If there is enhanced mat pay it would be worth hanging on in there, but if it's only statutory, might be worth looking elsewhere. You would get either SMP (if you start a new job before you get pregnant) or Maternity Allowance (if you start after getting pregnant). Obviously depends on the job whether it would be worth it.

I was about to start TTC when I was made redundant, but went back on the pill when I got the news. Decided to start trying even though I still haven't got a job, can't put my life on hold forever.

I am basically of the opinion that most employers are bastards but I do recognise that I've been pretty unlucky in the employers I've had so far.

It's good, NHS, I get both mat leave thingies. Plus I would have to take paycut in the short term as Im not qualified for anything band 6 but am currently top of band 5. Rock and a hard place.

Alice Ah that's annoying. Is there anything you can do to get the qualification you need while TTC?

I put my career on hold-- had an opportunity to head a new division in a new office back in the US. It was too much responsibility to take on knowing I would want to take mat leave hopefully within a year of the move. However, today I would just say yes and figure it out. I don't think putting life on hold makes sense.

Sorry, with other people talking about pay freezes and redundancies I realise that might have looked obnoxious. For me it was more foregoing opportunities which I totally acknowledge is a great dilemma to have.

Cd32 today, bfn every day since cd29. Except today. Very very very faint bfp today! I'm away from dh for the next 2 days so will test again on Sunday. But gx!!
Puts edd pretty close to Christmas! Not really what we wanted but want a child more.
Trying not to get too hopeful in case the second line was a mirage

Another ooh that's very promising! How long are your cycles usually? Are you going to be able to hold out until Sunday before testing again?!

London Your comment wasn't obnoxious at all, please don't worry about that! I'm not offended, despite being unemployed I'm not the type to resent others for expressing frustrations with their jobs x

Ooh duck any pics of stick? I love a good squint!

I'm in a similar boat (see above) and I've been testing with ICs- did you use a frer? I think I'll do one tomorrow- no further spotting since last night- Gx!

Name that's very sweet

Another that's exciting! Any pics?

Gx for Another and Scottish!

Ooh pics please another!!

Gx scottish

Not obnoxious at all London I get what you mean about putting your life on hold. It's not something I want to do, but it's foolish to lose all that mat leave when chances are I will hopefully be pregnant soon.

I also want to see those lines!

All my Gx for AnotherRD and Scottish!!!

London...ditto Name's comment, my redundancy doesn't mean everyone else should suddenly be 100% happy with the jobs that they have.

NFMR(redundancy): Having been told my role was eliminated they have now confessed they messed up the selection pools and I am in fact in a 4 roles -> 1 role selection pool. However since I've totally got my head around leaving, have been looking forward to the lump sum pay off and think they're all cuntweasels I'm going to express a preference not to be selected.

I'm on AF currently. Have been eating ALL of the food since redundancy notice and have probably put on all the weight I lost at SW!

GX GX Another and Scottish

Corgi so lovely to hear from you and you are doing so brilliantly, sending big hugs

I didn't take any pictures of the pissy sticks. They were so so faint, camera wouldn't have picked it up. But I'll fish them out of the bin when I'm back home on Sunday and do a lovely pic for you that's how much I love you all

I used a Tesco cheapy (blue dye) and thought the might've been something there so did a ic (pink dye) but nothing developed until after the time it says to discard. I left it out for dh to see and he said there were 2 lines, but by then I couldn't see it anymore!
I am totally convinced I was seeing things, but still no af today.

Gx for you Scottish

Beware of the evil evap lines

Got dh to go bin diving.
Apparently the lines on the blue one can't be seen anymore.

Evap line it may be. Which is why I'm not getting hopeful ha ha ha but, but, still no sign of af.

Day 34 in the big brother house of my cycle:
BFN on a FRER this morning.
Still no sign of AF and no further spotting...

Gx to you too another!! I can definitely see two lines- dastardly evaps!

DH produced his sample this morning. Didn't even want to know first if I had a BFP on the FRER- I suspect he wants objective confirmation of his virility. It's a man thing!

Guys, I'm feeling very low today. I know its only been 7 months but with one miscarriage and another chemical I just am not feeling very positive about the whole thing.

I need a slap.

Gentle telling off, London. I'm a month behind you and get down about it without having the emotional turmoil of a mc and chemical to deal with. It will happen and you are allowed to feel down about it from time to time but it WILL happen.

Another You need a FRER! If AF still hasn't turned up by Sunday morning I will accept no less than a FRER and photos

London Sorry you've been feeling down. You most definitely do not need a slap! PMAs maybe. And be kind to yourself.

London none of that slapping business, be very kind to yourself. I've decided to spoil myself from now on: bikini wax and massage booked for next week :) you can't control what your body does while ttc but you can change how you feel about the whole process - that's my theory anyway. We will all get there, PMAs and HURRRGHS all around ladies!