We have enjoyed jizzidents and jizznamis. We are fans of having a rummage and we are getting all the baby juice we can to keep the bfp boom going. Join us in JS 59!!!

[ScottishLady7]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like 'something' = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 58 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2563504-You-are-not-a-robot-and-the-ovary-whisperers-chanting-for-you-in-the-viroid-commune-with-our-carved-cock-relics-dont-panic-about-the-acid-foof-Its-JS-58" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2564387-Weve-had-birthday-twins-and-therell-be-real-twins-come-the-summer-mini-eggs-and-GTTs-abound-on-the-JSgrads-45th-fred" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

scottish I'll be early st2 baby due just in time to miss my a&e rotation oh what a shame! I think our gp programme isn't great at support either, I've heard of things like trainees completing 3/4 of a rotation and having it discarded from counting towards training, and having more time in hospital posts added on because of no jobs in gp....

corgi you will have this baby!

I'm back on the pma kwick. You are an inspiration!

Wow, I thought GP training schemes would all be super-baby-friendly (as far as these things go in medicine, anyway!) - you'd think they'd be used to it at least!

I'm kind of lucky with my dates, as I'll hopefully be able to complete ST4, and then only do a couple of weeks of ST5 before going off on leave, so I won't lose/have to repeat too much. Just trying to negotiate whether I need to move onto my next hospital before finishing, or whether I can stay in my current place for a few extra weeks!

I know, sock you definitely think they should be used to it!! There is a vicious rumour than when a trainee told my GP unit she was expecting, they said they wouldn't cancel her rotations yet because she was still early and something might happen to it

Good work canters! If all goes to plan, I'll miss my a&e job too but I'm actually looking forward to it... Oh well, I definitely want a baby more than I want to work in a&e!!

sock do they look like they'll let you stay? Surely that makes most sense?! Handy having the continuity too. Are you due in Sep sort of time then?

Loving the PMA kwick - it could do with rubbing off on us lot I think!!

Hmm, Sock -check that. I was ushered onto mat leave at 33 weeks with DD as they didn't want to give me my first reg post for all of three weeks before I left for a year. Nor did they really want me to stay an SHO for the first few weeks of the new intake. GPs, it continues to surprise me that they are so unfriendly. Come over to paeds, we're a lovely lot and pretty much everyone has kids and/or works LTFT. I've not told work yet (though anyone with anything about them will have a clue after today's performance...), but I'm hoping to stay on until the start of Oct and then go off at 33w again, with an induction at 34-35. Trying very hard not to get ahead of myself though!

Stumbly It will work out. DH does loads of travel, I'm on a full shift NICU rota and we manage. It takes a lot of organisation and we use grandparents for pick-ups sometimes.

I wouldn't worry about timings of due dates, Name. They don't turn up when you ask them to, not do they do as you'd like once they're here. Wonderful creatures they are

Chat, Scottish - currently under negotiation! My department would be very happy to keep me on for an extra few weeks, as it'll be handy for them to have someone around who can show the new starters how everything works, and the programme director for the deanery agrees it seems sensible. But I'm not sure if HR will agree to it as I'm sure it will mess up their contracts, pay etc - plus from experience so far they aren't the most competent bunch in the world!

I'm due Sept 9th, so it wouldn't be the end of the world to finish at changeover, I just prefer the idea of having extra time with the socklet afterwards instead!

Goodness, is everyone on here medical?!

Not me! Teacher here! But yes most of the viroids are medical!

kwick great pma! I'm not so good at that myself but I'll try and borrow a bit

excellent PMA kwick, fuzzy we need to be copying her! I must admit I have let my thoughts slip too much towards doom and gloom of late. Here goes:
today I am pregnant and my ridiculous heart shaped womble IS stretching and growing just fine. and I WILL have a baby to squish with cuddles before Christmas!
< viroid war cry a la Stumbly >
just are you off on your exciting adventures soon?? how's your back? and remind me what the fertility clinic said, did you decide to have a lap before IVF? you will get your baby, I firmly believe this. ~ PMA vibes ~
medical viroids - I think my deanery are quite supportive, apparently famous for it. So will just add on any time I take out onto the end of my training. I've already had 2 months off to have my cochlear implant, and they've just added that on to the end of my GP posts and I don't have to go back to hospital! phew! chat I agree that paeds is lovely. Forgive my ignorance but is NICU/SCBU what you want to do long-term? Huge respect, it must be a tough job.

I'm not medical. I'm a spy or a celebrity..... Can't remember which

A celebrity spy, country? Hiding in plain sight? Perhaps you are an actress and play a doctor on the TV by day and you spy at night while at celebrity parties?

I'm on a study afternoon and am being wholly unproductive, as you can probably all tell...

Loving the PMAs Kwick and stumbly!

Chat Yes I do realise due dates don't mean much, I just think the Xmas/NY period is a crap time in general to have a birthday, so I would rather not aim for a due date then... Of course if the baby is due in Jan/Feb it might come early! But I'm not going to wait until July before TTC again

Another I'm not medical either. No profession at all in fact! But my degree is in languages.

I would love to be a spy. I like to believe I am secretly ninja.

scottish I've done a&e once already and it broke me. The only thing that got me through was cameradie with the nurses and apparently this a&e doesn't even have that. I do have a paeds job after which I am sad to miss, but hopeful they will find me a ltft slot after mat leave. Speaking of which, are others planning on ltft after mat leave?

just I second what corgi says- you will get back your baby!

No way in hell am I going back to work full time canters, 80% max ;) or 60% tbh if DH would put up with having to work to keep me in the style to which I've become accustomed

I'm off in ten weeks, eek!
Back is shot to shit but having some injections next week which should sort it, also got an Mri/X-ray to do as my consultant thinks it might have a fracture. The joy!

And yes, decided on lap before ivf which makes sense as I'm away from June to Aug. Hoping to go on ivf list before I go though

just if you do decide to go with IVF let me know - will give you my tops tips!!!

I am neither a medic nor a teacher. Sometimes I have to visit places "incognito" or in a clandestine fashion... not sure if that makes me a spy and if so dibs on "005"!!!!

ALERT!!!! LOOK AWAY NOW IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH!!!!
So FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I just did my daily intramuscular injection of Progesterone - this time in my thigh as bum too sore - and I must have hit something as when I withdrew the needle there was a jet stream of blood!!!! This happened the other day also but I think I caught it sooner... luckily my sofa is a dark brown colour but will really need to get covers (and cushions probably) washed....

Viroid medics out there: am I about to cark it? What am I doing wrong?!

I am going to become an expert injector!

just that was meant to say you will get your baby! Get back your baby sounds as though you're involved in some elaborate soap plot where someone has done a runner with your newborn

I think 60% corgi!

kwick you'll be fine. Which bit of thigh did you inject in?

I'd like to go back ltft, the default here seems to be 60% which is still almost 30 hours a week! Depends on whether/where DH gets a new job once his current contract ends though - if he can't get something suitable locally then I might go full time and he can be a SAHD.

Yes, Corgi NICU is where my heart is at. It's been really tough at times coming back, but the team and the babies have kept me going. It was what I missed when we moved away. I need to get my ass in gear if I want to apply for grid training, which I'm in two minds about. What I quite fancy is quitting the training programme, becoming a speciality doc for a few years and then taking the CESR route a LTFT position on a good level two/three unit with plenty of shop floor time.

I'm 80% at the moment, which is right for me - a balance of continuity (both for me and the babies) and time away. I've been LTFT since DD was born 5 yrs ago and I've done every combination I think!

Kwick do you draw back a little before injecting? You've probably hit a little vessel. Pressure on it and it should stop.

canters I thought that!

kwick thank you. Will definitely be asking for top tips, possibly not on injecting though

kwick next time you inject pull back on the plunger slightly if you see any blood you are in a vessel so either insert needle deeper or withdraw it slightly and you should be fine!

Medical viroids...what is ltft?

^As you can see I'm not a medical creature. I work in the City but am a celebrity in my spare time.

Right...best get my ass into gear. Busy ol'day slaving over a hot laptop ahead.

NFMR (redundancy): Have been elected as an employee representative to 'represent'

Morning, Stumbly, that does sound interesting. LTFT is less than full time. Not sure why they don't say part time - perhaps because even working at 80% I'm doing more than 40hours/week.

Go stumbly, some suggested outfits for the meeting