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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

Dp says alcohol doesn't affect sperm if he drinks lots of water???????

22 replies

inameeting · 30/12/2006 11:09

We've started accupuncture to try and help us conceive, and that's what the accupunturist told him - if he drinks as much water as he does alcohol it'll be fine, ie not upset the pH(?) So he's back drinking, approx 1 bottle of wine a night. I'm really pissed off. Alcohol has got to have a detrimental affect on sperm hasn't it?

OP posts:

hunkermunker · 30/12/2006 11:26

A bottle of wine a night will have a detrimental effect on all sorts of bits of his body, not just his sperm! How many units is that a week?

Carmenere · 30/12/2006 11:30

I'm almost sure that the acupuncturist diddn't mean him to drink a whole bottle every night.

hunkermunker · 30/12/2006 11:31

Did you hear the acupuncturist tell him this?

LITTLEdonkeyFISH · 30/12/2006 11:32

Have you read "Natural Solutions to Infertility" by Dr Marilyn Glenville? She suggests cutting out alcohol all together. From memory, I think she says that it takes 3 months to make healthy sperm, and one night of big drinking will affect it.

A bottle of wine a night will have an affect.

Are you sure that's what the acupuncturist says, or is it what your dh has said to try and justify his continuing to drink.

Our acupuncturist told us both to give up completely.

Drinking water is the right thing to do, but without the alcohol!!!!

hunkermunker · 30/12/2006 11:33

Three months is about right - sperm cells take time to become mature. Sozzled sperm not good for conceiving!

Original poster

inameeting · 30/12/2006 12:10

Oh god. I feel like crying. No I didn't hear the acupuncturist say it - dp was doing a solo visit. But Dp did tell me not to "go on" about his drinking when I visited.

Every time I mention his drinking to him he gets so defensive. He want a baby as much as I do, I'm sure, and we're spending hundreds of pounds on this. Next step will be IVF - we've already spent over £1000 on the consultations and test. I'd really rather avoid it though, of course.

I feel like calling the acupunturist and giving him a piece of my mind.

I'll be 37 soon. Dp did stop drinking for about 3 months then he started again when the acupuncturist told him drinking was ok.

This is going to cause a row. Sometimes I feel like just giving up and going to get pg by someone else.

F**k

OP posts:

Ready · 30/12/2006 12:46

Sorry but do you believe that the acupuncturist really said this? No point giving them a piece of your mind. It's your DH who needs the earbashing. Sorry.

Original poster

inameeting · 30/12/2006 13:09

Yes, I believe he said this, dp wouldn't blatently lie, but I think the acupuncturist should have been more careful with what he said so my dp wouldn't have been able to interpret it as meaning "drink what you like, it's fine, as long as you balance it with water". He should have said, "drinking one or two units a day is ok as long as it's balanced with water", then made clear what a unit looks like. This guy is an "expert" in fertility and very expensive.

OP posts:

Original poster

inameeting · 30/12/2006 13:10

I'm sick of giving dp an ear bashing. It causes such horrible rows

OP posts:

2007nervesleft · 30/12/2006 13:16

I don't know anything about fertility but I am an alcohol counsellor and your husband is drinking 9.5 units of alcohol in each bottle of wine. If he drinks a bottle daily then it is 66.5 units a week. The healthy lifestyle guidelines recommend drinking no more than 21 units per week with regular day alcohol free.

Original poster

inameeting · 30/12/2006 13:30

Hi Nerves, I thought as much. Can I buy a wine glass with a unit's measure on it? I could try to encourage him to use it I suppose and try to make him more aware of how much he's consuming. Our wine glasses are very large - you only 4 glasses out of one bottle with them - and that's another line Dp comes out with - "I've only had a couple of glasses...." or "I'm just having one more glass..."

OP posts:

2007nervesleft · 30/12/2006 13:56

Not sure whether you can buy glasses with measurements on it but we usually recommend people measure how much is in the glass they use. For example in a pub a large glass of wine is 250mls so it is a third of a bottle (750mls or 75cls)
Most people believe that 1 glass = 1 units but that is very wrong and misleading.

250 mls wine of around 12 - 13% is 3.1 units

Your Dh needs to come to terms with his drinking and look at what maybe fueling his need to drink daily. Is he an anxious person? Drinking can be a coping mechanism to calm down and relax. There are lots of alcohol organisations which can offer him help, not necessarily to do with declaring himself and alcoholic or abstaining. The organisation I work for works with people to regain control of their drinking and only do abstinence if that is what the person wants.

Original poster

inameeting · 30/12/2006 14:51

Yes, he's an anxious person and like you suggest, the reason he drinks is to unwind and relax. It doesn't help that he's a musician, working in an environment where alcohol's usually available. There is no way he'd go see anyone about it though. He can't seem to talk about it rationally, there's a lot of guilt mixed up with it. Last time I confronted him about it he stopped drinking altogether for a few weeks. He can't seem to just ease off. I know confrontation isn't ideal, but he's so sensitive about it that if I try to mention it in any way whatsoever, no matte how "naturally" or jokily, or in a concerned way, he reacts instantly and it leads to a row.

Why on earth aren't there unit measured wine glasses freely available I don't know.

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/12/2006 15:10

inameeting

Alcohol certainly has a deterimental effect on sperm in terms of both quality and numbers.

I would seek support for your own self, he is certainly drinking way over the recommended amount for men each week. You may want to consider speaking to someone like Al-anon who also help partners.

You need to consider this also. If he continues to drink the same amount when you do have a child to look after as well, how will you feel then?. And that is no good for a child to see either.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/12/2006 15:13

It is not wise to show any child either that it takes a drink to relax.

Ready · 30/12/2006 15:31

Inameeting - Sorry if my comments annoyed you. I wasn't accusing your partner of blatantly lying, but from what you have said it seems that he has an alcohol problem, and in that case he may have interpreted what the acupuncturist said to what he wanted to hear.

By all means have a go at your acupuncturist, if it will make you feel better... but at the end of the day even though he is an "expensive fertility expert" he can only 'advise' his patients according to his experience and knowledge. Did you partner tell him how much alcohol he was actually drinking?? If he did, and the acupuncturist still told him that was ok balanced with water, I would personally suggest you find someone else to treat you.

Hope you manage to get your DP to stop drinking. I agree with Attila, it would not be good when the babies come along.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/12/2006 15:53

inameeting,

Problem is as well that your partner has to realise he does have a problem re alcohol consumption. He is defensive about the amount he drinks and the fact that he has a go every time you bring the subject. Those two facts themselves ring alarm bells.

You cannot make him stop drinking. If he is really dependent on alcohol then that will come first and absolutely everything else will come a distinct second.

He is responsible for his own actions (you are not) and he made a conscious choice to restart drinking. All I can suggest is that you educate yourself more about alcohol dependency and get support for your own self.

Unpalatable as the above is you cannot shy away from this or slip into denial.

Original poster

inameeting · 30/12/2006 16:48

Attila, is there anywhere I can download information about the affect of alcohol on sperm so I can show him it? ( guess I'm going to have to steal myself for another argument...) I'll give AA a ring and see what they suggest. It's a fairly standard story I suppose so hopefully they'll have some ideas.. It's really difficult, and I feel like I'm tiptoeing round him but I do try to keep a dialogue open about his drinking. He'd love me not to ever mention it, and then it'd probably creep back up to 2 bottles a night which it has been in the past...

Ready, you didn't annoy me at all. I imagine he did interpret what the acupuncturist said to suit himself. And I don't imagine for a second dp told him the real quantity of what he drinks. I'll the acupuncturist a ring. Won't have a go though. Will be very grown up.

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 30/12/2006 16:52

www.fasalaska.com/DadsBirthDefects.html

This is a link you can show him. Hopefully he will not ignore it.

Ready · 30/12/2006 17:10

Inameeting - I feel for you I really do...Both my parents are heavy drinkers and it has really affected me (they were divorced when I was quite young) - and is probably why I am teetotal now!! I know it might feel like you are "going on" but you are only doing it because you love him. Hang in there, and I really hope that the link Attila gave you wakes him up a little. Although it needs to be a lifestyle change I think, not just pre conception!? Good luck.

Original poster

inameeting · 30/12/2006 17:49

Crikey, that link's a bit heavy. Might have to think about that one, if it transpires the baby develops problems, the guilt would kill him. Obviously I have to do something though.

His parents drink quite a bit, I guess that's where he "got it" from.

OP posts:

Ready · 30/12/2006 18:22

Children either follow the example set or are radically different I imagine.

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