You are not a robot and the ovary whisperer's chanting for you in the viroid commune with our carved cock relics- don't panic about the acid foof! It's JS 58!!!

[Ain626]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>'something'</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 57 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2542249-Theres-Chickens-up-Trees-and-BOGOF-Deals-from-the-Stork-Were-Seeking-out-the-Magic-Potion-whilst-avoiding-the-Rogue-Penis-Dont-Flash-your-Cat-its-JS-57?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2550495-Its-the-calm-before-the-storm-sort-of-that-is-Fantastic-February-and-the-March-Madness-we-did-a-lot-of-shagging-last-summer-We-need-more-JSers-on-this-our-44th-thread" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

There is an upper limit ain, read this:

The ideal number of days to wait after sex to give a semen analysis is three to five days. Giving a semen analysis in less than three days after an ejaculation produce a small volume low count semen sample. Giving a semen sample after greater than five days from ejaculation can cause the sperm to have decrease motility

stumbly look after yourself lovely

Thanks just...I am, I'm taking the day off work today to relax, go for a walk, etc to try and help bounce back

I'd also like to see the info. I've had one mc and one chemical now so if it happens again I guess I'll be referred.

My doc knows about the last pregnancy because I was getting vaccinated but I haven't called back yet to see it didn't stick.

I'm due to test this weekend. I should really hold out until Monday but I get my positives typically before AF is late. Also, in light of the above, I think I want to know if I have another chemical so investigations can be started.

I have to say viroids that I feel pregnant. My stomach is very achy but not in an AF way and tits are on fire. Most importantly, my temp is still high and typically by now it falls if I'm not upduffed.

If I can get an FRER tonight will test in the morning!

London...all sounds very positive. We are so overdue a nice BFP! Gx for you....!

Cats & London take care of yourselves

London gx for bfp & sticky bean.

CD19 & starting to get my usual pre-AF symptoms (tired, emotional, sore nipples), so I'd say the witch will be here within the next week or so. I've ordered bbt thermometer & more opks, so just want to get onto next cycle now. Was chatting to old friend last night, she's just had mc. She already has a LO who is 1, and had mc before that as well. She's really struggling atm, & I almost told her we're ttc, but something held me back. I guess I'm not really ready to tell anyone in RL just yet.

London GX GX GX!

Fuzzy & just I'll try a bit later this afternoon, I am, have been, and will be stuck on the most awful conference call meeting ALL DAY. I have had my progesterone checked and it was fine so sadly I don't think it is as easy as that.

Stumbly a walk sounds like a great idea, it always helps me when I am struggling with anxiety. I hope you get to see some sun :)

Thank you Viroids for your support. I have a plan, give it a day or so then test to see if there is a bfp. Then when I bleed again after that, confirm it with the Dr and get referred again. The situation isn't great but the plan is good. And I like to have a plan.

Gx london

angel have done fb invite, was there someone else who wants to join? If so send me your email address

cats that's a very positive plan

Cats and Stumbly

Gx London! I really hope you have good news in the morning.

NFMV: nothing! 6dpo and the TWOT continues. although I accodentially bought a couple of FRERs

Did they just leap into your basket?

^ LOL

AF is due today but hasn't turned up. I think my body is torturing / punishing me for doing a FRER on Wednesday! I'll wait until tomorrow and if AF still hasn't turned up I might crack and do another FRER. Really don't feel pregnant though, zero symptoms.

London Gx for you!

stumbly Hope you enjoy your day off and feel better soon

Ah name, I think we are the same amount of days post ovulation. Are you normally regular?

I didn't feel pregnant with my first BFP so that doesn't mean anything. I think each time its probably different for people. GX for you tomorrow.

Thanks just, funny seeing some photos of you all in rl.

Last post was meant to say cats & stumbly take care of yourselves - woops

Gx name

I was spared for a wee break so took some photos. I will upload now.

And the last 2 pages....

London
I think I'm 14 dpo today. (Is it the same for you? I think so?) I was convinced I ovulated 14 days ago but could be wrong of course. Haven't been temping or opk-ing (I've told myself I'll try for at least 3 months before worrying about any of that!)
I came off the pill in September and since then my cycles have been 26, 41 and 27 days. This month I was optimistically guessing it would be 27 days again, assuming 41 was an anomaly to torture me over Christmas. But I guess I could be really unlucky and have cycles that alternative between 26/27 and 40ish days! In which case I could be in for another two weeks of torture!

(Since October, I should say - I didn't count the first "cycle" between the post-pill bleed and first proper period)

I spoke too soon...spotting has started so expecting AF in a day or two. I'm positive it's def AF and not anything else.

So on to Cycle 3...some contraband just accidentally leaped into my Amazon basket to check I'm ovulating next month...

Lots of things leaping into baskets....

I am very sorry stumbly

I am at clinic waiting for baseline scan... Am in AGONY... Really missing my usual af painkillers :( scan is going to be so enjoyable for both scanner and me... Just want to go to bed with hot water bottle...

Thanks cats

just it was one of those kind of one click purchase accidents! I don't feel at all pregnant although have had quite a bit of cm in the last few days which I don't usually after ovulation.

London! Gx!!!

Stumbly.... Hope you're feeling better soon. Good plan taking the day off.

Nothing much to report here. AF almost over now. Off into London shortly for a nice dinner out with fresh-off-the-plane dh. Night shifts over, had the best shift ever last night- 5 phone calls and that was it! So got a full night's sleep.

Just saw you're spotting again cats. What a fucker. Glad you've got a plan at least. So unfair.

Just had scan - all good :) scanner told me name of nurse I was going to see and I told her I would prefer to see someone else, so lovely scanner lady changed me over :) feel strong and empowered!
Disclaimer: nurse I was due to see is the only horrid one here and is the reason I have to have another long nurse appointment as she was too fast, cold and yucky when I had her before...promise you I am not normally difficult!

Boo, hope it's not stumbly

kwick you should have total faith in the care you are getting so absolutely fair enough to choose. Glad baseline was good

Kwick good for standing up for yourself.

Name tomorrow I'll be 12 days post ovulation. I would normally be due AF Sunday as I have a 25 ish day cycle.

Its a bit early for me to test but I'm prepared to piss on a fiver :)