You are not a robot and the ovary whisperer's chanting for you in the viroid commune with our carved cock relics- don't panic about the acid foof! It's JS 58!!!

[Ain626]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>'something'</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing a <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 57 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2542249-Theres-Chickens-up-Trees-and-BOGOF-Deals-from-the-Stork-Were-Seeking-out-the-Magic-Potion-whilst-avoiding-the-Rogue-Penis-Dont-Flash-your-Cat-its-JS-57?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2550495-Its-the-calm-before-the-storm-sort-of-that-is-Fantastic-February-and-the-March-Madness-we-did-a-lot-of-shagging-last-summer-We-need-more-JSers-on-this-our-44th-thread" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Hope the spotting hasn't become AF just.

Completely agree with you Kwick. Really discriminatory.

just can totally sympathise with your cycle being a complete dick my af was due yesterday but didn't arrive no point in testing as feeling all the symptoms of af so Deffo on way only it's dp's birthday Thurs so have booked a hotel meal etc for Friday which has of course evoked law of sod don't have to be a fortune teller to work out when the bitch is gonna raise her ugly head! Had mini melt down yesterday and cried all over dp about my wrecked plans! Probably thought I was cracking up but he was really nice about it!
I'm starting sw next Monday can't remember who weighs in on a Monday but great to encourage each other!

for you Just. Such a headfuck.

I'd written a huge post and it's been eaten. Grrr. Briefly...

Kwick it does suck there's inequality. It's throughout the NHS. Pink needles are a touch bigger than I would inject with but I've seen it done. Usually, I use orange, blue for a bigger muscle.

Fuzzy I hope the docs can help. I'm booking in too - I'm now convinced my body has been broken.

X-Files was odd but watchable.

I'm in work today (just like I was at the weekend, along with my consultant, transport reg, three SHOs and an ANNP) - other JDs how about you?

Chat are breaking the picket line?

I'm just getting ready to go in and picket! Time to dig out the thermals!

No striking up here north of the border.
Good luck to those that are and wrap up warm!!!

Good luck to the strikers...take a flask of tea or whiskey!

I'm very much trying not to think of the TWOT this month and it does seem to be going a little bit quicker....except now I'm thinking about it

Don't think about it!

Mine has gone faster than usual I think because I have deliberately not been thinking about it.

I realise though that when I have been thinking about it, I seem convinced I am pg... A sure fire way to feel disappointed this weekend when the witch makes an appearance! I have developed a few chin spots- not a good sign, however preggo women aren't immune to a few plukes so you never know!

Hi all. Hope those of you who are on the picket lines are wrapped up warm.
Do any of you know anything about luteal phase length? I have a 28-day (ish) cycle and have been using forbidden OPKs for the past few months - I seem to get LH surge on around day 17 or 18, which I am thinking is probably a bit late. Could this be why I'm not getting preg?

It is really fucking unfair kwick.

Just, I don't think they're evaps lovely. I think you might be having repeated chemical pregnancies- please mention it at fc.

I'm striking but I feel really unwell so I am in bed. I am the worst junior Dr ever, I really need to get my ass to the picket line but I feel awful. And I want to be well to go to work tomorrow because I am LOVING psychiatry- the first week has been brilliant!

Guys, is it worth waiting the full year to start infertility ix? Dh and I had agreed if nothing had happened by November we'd start but I have a nagging feeling something wrong and am wondering whether it's worth getting bloods and SA done if nothing happened by cycle 6....thoughts? Or should I just chill the hell out?

Canters...if I could live my life over again and/or had the money to retrain I would definitely go into psychiatry. Are you working on an inpatient unit?

Just.... It doesn't look like evap lines to me...definitely something to mention to fertility clinic as on the bright side if you are getting repeated chemicals then the first part (sperm meeting egg) is working well and they can focus their efforts on making the beans extra sticky

Ditsy as long as LP is 10 days or more its fine. Keep monitoring and if you think it goes to 9 or less speak to la or jelly on mumming about vit b complex

Canters I don't think it's worth starting investigation too early - statistically most people will get pg within a year, and searching for a "cause" when there may be nothing wrong can just add extra stress. If you were having irregular cycles or there were other health concerns then getting started earlier would be more likely to be beneficial. Plus I think many NHS trusts won't investigate/refer before a year anyway.

I started investigations after about 8 months TTC, because my cycle was still wildly irregular after 10 months off the pill, but didn't get a fertility clinic referral until almost a year.

Thanks sock, that's helpful. I'm not very good at being my own Dr sometimes! We would most likely go private for any investigations or treatment anyway so I suppose things could happen quite quickly if it came to it. Will try and listen to (non medical) DH who is the voice of calm and reason in all of this!

Stumbly, im working in a community mental health team so mainly doing clinics etc. But my on calls will cover the inpatient units too. It's so interesting I am thinking of applying for psych training but will try and sit on my hands until new job novelty has worn off!

Canters...I've been lucky enough to have private care for my bipolar (The Priory....never bumped into any 'slebs sadly).

I hear some awful things about mental health care on NHS via bipolar Facebook groups...so we need more good psychs!
Funding is a bit dire though...however with such focus on it these days it could be an exciting time to join...

Kwick it really does suck .

Just hope the witch stays away.

Hope all those striking are feeling a bit warmer now, it's blooming baltic!!

You can get a fertility MOT www.city-fertility.com/mot/ I'll be doing this if I get tob6 months, just if it does pick up anything I'd rather get it sorted than wait another 6 months to find out.

I wish I'd gone into MH nursing rather than CBT, I miss the wards. Don't miss the shifts though.

I'm cheering all you JD's on 🎉👍where is Jeremy?

In other TMI news, my foof has turned from EWCM to creamy, there is no point dtd now is there even though I'm on CD13?

Thanks Chat and I hope your doctor can help you.

Ditsy I have a 10 day LP and have been able to get pregnant. If you are ovulating later than you though, have you just stopped DTD too soon?

Thanks for the link Alice and I will have a look at that.

Hope everyone has had a good day.

Thanks for the info fuzzy and lil. Been using the contraband for the past 4 cycles, and have carried on dtd for about 3 days from when I get the static smiley, maybe should carry on for longer than that?
We already have a DD, so I can get preg, but she is 2 and a half now and we got pg pretty quick with her, so I have no idea how long my luteal phase was back then.

Hiya viroids!! Just had a yummy dinner - hopefully healthy - runner beans, smoked mackeral, pickled beetroot and cottage cheese.

So thought I would share my meds haul - read it and weep!

Wow kwick that's quite a haul, Gx for you!!

Also, I love how you keep it under the watchful eye of the booze shelf- thoroughly approve

Shhhh! You weren't supposed to see that! I promise you I have not had a sip since September.... Funny that I had come off no red meat wagon - which was proving very hard for me - but am happy to stay off the sauce!

Just "invented" a new soup - I hope it tastes good because in theory it should be fertility boosting!

Kwick...love that your fridge looks like it's just meds and alcohol

Haha kwick!!

Ooh I can't remember who said it but I LOVE Californication! I'm watching it again from the beginning and think it's as funny as the first time I saw it. It is rather blue and not for everyone but I think it's great