There's Chickens up Trees and BOGOF Deals from the Stork! We're Seeking out the Magic Potion whilst avoiding the Rogue Penis - Don't Flash your Cat, it's JS 57!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 56 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2507776-We-are-all-a-bit-bonkers-worshipping-the-travelling-womble-conker-we-rub-the-grads-bumps-for-luck-and-shag-without-scientific-schmuck-Most-of-the-time-Its-Just-Shagging-56?msgid=58470102#58470102" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2533203-Celebrating-Christmas-with-the-arrival-of-BabyBloom-and-XmasPud-were-testing-our-pelvic-floors-through-the-festive-season-mince-pie-tasting-and-turkey-stuffing-nudge-nudge-its-the-JS-Grads-43" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Nice cock cats

I can see a line London! Gx.

lol at the cock carving cats

london gx for you, i can also see a line. Steer clear of the CB digi's, they are notoriously crap. I'd give it a few days and retest :)

zyla what day are you on now? Mine used to only really go dark just before icing.

Yes I know its not a BFN (unfortunately I've seen plenty of those)! I just worry why its so faint. Going to test again and if it isn't getting any darker by the end of the week, I'll know it probably hasn't attached well or something else is going wrong.

Gx this is a sticky been. The only thing that gives me comfort is that it was totally negative on Saturday so my tests today and Monday mean I'm not catching it fading but getting stronger at least compared to Saturday. Why oh why couldn't I just wait until I was a few days late!

Don't test early viroids!!

Here's my tests. Currently 35+6 with that faint line. It was 12dpo I believe as that's how long my LP was.

london that's a line!! and you were only due AF today weren't you? gx that the line is stronger tomorrow/Friday. Whoohoo!

Here is my carved cock (DH carved it in a field on his stag do, proudly brought it back and asked to have it as a light switch in our downstairs loo.... obviously couldn't resist his excited little face...)

NFMV: witch is here. hot water bottles and tea and revision today..trying not to be sad as had really hoped for a miraculously fertile WTF cycle. maybe next time....

Af due today or tomorrow corgi- tell your DH I think his cock is lovely

honey that's really reassuring!

As of now I am being very cautious about getting excited. I had a big fat line when I got my BFP in September and that ended in miscarriage. I think I'm just a bit scared of falling in love with a bean that might not make it.

Positive thoughts and all that though! Must continue doing yoga. It keeps me zen which is a miracle as I am 100% type A!!!

Sorry about AF corgi

The WTF cycle messed with my head as well. MC is a bitch all around.

Sorry for AF Corgi. Love the cock-on-a-string light switch!
Congrats London, it's perfectly normal to be terrified after a MC. A faint line doesn't mean anything though. My friend didn't get a line at all until AF was a week late and her baby is now here and healthy.

London I also had a strong line which ended in a mmc and the biggest squinter ever (on the day AF was due and not before) who is currently 7 months old and having a nap. As you say, there was nothing on Saturday and now you have a line. I can completely understand your caution though and I have everything crossed.

Sorry corgi.

I think AF is due tomorrow so not sure I will be able to resist testing but I only have notoriously rubbish ICs, so I am more likely to have a better idea from whether AF does arrive or not. Annoyingly since I gave birth I have no indication of AF at all, whereas at least the couple of days of cramps that I used to get shortened the 2ww for me.

Sorry about AF corgi, it sucks. I was hoping for a super fertile cycle for you too, we can hold each others hands in next month's 2ww. On the plus side your DH has a lovely cock!

I appear to be done with the bleeding now. Hurrah!

corgi sorry for AF, I will be joining you, ill and canters for the 2ww this month, let there be super fertility all round. In carved cock news, what a fabulous effort by your DH!

NFMV: The bleeding is slowing down and cramping is far less, I feel a bit more normal. I have had a long hot shower, epilated, moisturized, plucked eyebrows and am planning on doing my nails later. Am also going to make an effort to eat a bit more healthily and do a bit more exercise (starting with schooling stupid 'd' pony tomorrow before work). I WILL be happier and more positive if I am a bit healthier and look after myself better, even if nothing comes of my blood tests, then hopefully I'll get a sticky bean :)

Hi all, room for 1 more? JS'ing suits me fine, can't be doing with this temping/OPKs malarkey... But I'm only on cycle 1, ask me in 6 months time. How do we feel about ovia?

I'm on CD 27 and no sign of AF, fingers crossed for a kitten.

Hi Alice, welcome! We of course never ever ever use monitoring apps etc but the favoured app is Fertility Friend

thanks viroids :) I will harness all the good energies for our next twot ill canters cats
cats I've been going to the gym, feel like I'm a bit more in control if you know what I mean. Need to set myself some other goals beyond "get preggers"! maybe pass this exam... haha..
welcome alice! I use Ovia but it's starting to annoy me. What are Glow and FF like? Because I am not temping or OPK'ing yet ...

Corgi I moved from Ovia to FF. FF is far better IMO. Ovia didn't seem to respond to my cycles, just assumed I would ice half way through. Ff learns from the data you put in and adapts it's predictions. It is also a clearer layout and the charts are more appealing to my scientific mind.

FFS! I took out some parma ham (might be my last week being able to eat it) and left it on the counter. Ran upstairs quickly and by the time I was back my girl kitty was on the counter licking all the slices!

Welcome Alice hope you do a kitten!

By the way, I've never used any of the fertility apps. What do they help with?

Glad your bleeding seems to have finished now Canters and that you are feeling a bit more normal Cats.

Hi Alice.

At least your kitty has good taste London or maybe she just wants to be in the next thread title! 😹

I use an app called Period Tracker and also FF although I don't find either are totally reliable. I do find them great to log symptoms and DTD etc, although I have such irregular cycles and a shortish LP that they can't be predicted.

I have decided to start acupuncture next cycle and if I am not pregnant by March, I will speak to my doctor. I partly feel that giving birth last year may mean my body is just taking a while to settle down but cycle six is due to start tomorrow and I am 37 now, and have been trying since AF returned which was August.

london what a naughty cat! re apps: for me I just like putting in the days we have had sex! haha! because I don't temp or OPK or anything else, I just put in symptoms like sore boobs and ovulation cramps etc. If charting/temping I think they are a bit more useful.
One thing I do like about Ovia is its background articles to read about menstrual cycle phases etc. But it is a bit chirpy ("you had sex today!") and I get all British and want to kick it in the face

Are you revising for AKT corgi? Good luck! I am sticking my fingers in my ears and pretending I never have to do this or any other crappy exams lalala

I'm with you on goals other then get pregnant. Thinking of looking for a nice 10k run to enter and train for....

I have been using ovia but it is getting on my tits a bit. May investigate ff....

haha canters I did that last year! but this year I am cracking on with it, mainly so I don't have to do anything else but the CSA when ST3. Did you say you're ST1? I can't remember. But in St1 I found I just needed some time to get used to being a GP if that makes sense, rather than worrying about exams. And they say not to do the AKT until you have done at least one GP job.
SO bored of revision now, but at least it will be over tomorrow!

Am thinking of ParkRun maybe, just need to find a local one to drag DH to

Just downloaded FF, it looks a bit terrifying! honey did you put in temps or just EWCM etc?

i used Glow just to give me somewhere to track symptoms, cm, period etc. it didn't appear to be v technical so don't know how it would handle temping/opks because i'm a good js-er ha! but it was easy to use and they have a complimentary pregnancy one. however, the associated glow forums are a bit kerazy!

Wow...lots of threads to catch up on today!

I was hoping to be a total kitten but I'm out so it's all on you now Alice!

Loving your cocks cats and corgi.

I think we'll definitely have some BFPs in Feb, I can feel it in my waters (no idea what my Nan means when she says that but still)

NFMC (cat): I've just come back from the vets. My DCat has cystitis because she is stressed since we've stopped her coming into the bedroom due to a new bed and that sleeping with a cat on your head is quite difficult. Trust me to get a drama queen of a cat!

I might take a look at some of the other apps. I just use Pink Pad because I already used it to track my periods...

It has a forum and I checked out the TTC threads yesterday.

I saw many pictures uploaded of people's actual fanjo discharge asking for opinions. One even uploaded a photo of her discharge on her fingers...fresh from the fanjo as it were.

I thought to myself "Wow....there is such a thing as TMI after all" and scuttled back here pronto.