There's Chickens up Trees and BOGOF Deals from the Stork! We're Seeking out the Magic Potion whilst avoiding the Rogue Penis - Don't Flash your Cat, it's JS 57!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a <strong>hooya</strong> = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 56 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2507776-We-are-all-a-bit-bonkers-worshipping-the-travelling-womble-conker-we-rub-the-grads-bumps-for-luck-and-shag-without-scientific-schmuck-Most-of-the-time-Its-Just-Shagging-56?msgid=58470102#58470102" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2533203-Celebrating-Christmas-with-the-arrival-of-BabyBloom-and-XmasPud-were-testing-our-pelvic-floors-through-the-festive-season-mince-pie-tasting-and-turkey-stuffing-nudge-nudge-its-the-JS-Grads-43" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2541376-Our-babies-are-teething-screaming-and-generally-not-sleeping-but-were-still-JS-ing-its-Just-Mumming-10?watched=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

If only even.

And by doing anything that resembles a cycle, this includes a natural AF! Though I don't want these to be signs of AF on her way if I did only ice earlier this week..

Hooyah Ain although it is very hard not to get hopes up and it would be lovely if it happened on first icing.

I am awake and can't get back to sleep, I'm fretting and am full of cold. No bleeding other than the tiniest bit of brown spotting since yesterday morning but my gut feeling is that something isn't right. I'm going to get some more frer today, if things are still ambiguous I may test tomorrow rather than waiting til Monday. If the line is fainter I'll know its another chemical. Need to plan and try and feel in control somehow!

Gals don't forget that you can get several positive/ lh surges before you ice. Don't stop shagging as you may not have iced yet (unless confirmed by temping of course- not that anyone does that)

Cats many of the grads had bleeding early in the pregnancies and now look rather round! Gx.

Hi!

Can I join you?? This thread sounds right up my street. I can't be arsed with ovulation tests and all that malarkey.

We shagged and got two children I figured we could do it again. I think I'm ovulating at the moment I'm pretty sure after tonight I'm going to sitting on my hands waiting to test in the dreaded tww.

I usually reside in AIBU and Chat buy name changed for TTC child 3.

Hooya Ain! Would be amazing if you did though.

Welcome Fart!

I couldn't be a housewife. My plan B is to go onto a CF/SAS contract if it all goes to the dogs. Or move abroad. DH's job has form scope for that. Canada or Aus are realistic options.

welcome fart :) hopefully it's not too long a stay for you!

cats i had af-like bleeding for 2 days after getting my BFP. As country says, i'm now extremely fat rounded. Gx for you!

And gx ain. Gentle hooyah heading your way but i really hope this is it for you!

What's ice or icing?

It's ok, I see what it is now!

Hi fart!

cats I think poas tomorrow for reassurance. But if it's not any darker you're going to have to again mon/tues. gx for you

Forgotten what everyone else said....sorry!

NFMB(breakfast): bacon and Brie sandwich on crusty bread with tomato chutney served in bed

welcome fart!
cats hope you are OK.
just check you out! I had some toast with apricot+ rhubarb jam, which is the shiz.
Now trying to revise but cleaning the entire house top to bottom instead
nfmv: sitting on my hands to not POAS. only 7 dpo! must. not. POAS.....

Chat I don't actually think I could be a housewife either, I bloody hate cleaning. I like baking though. But realistically I would probably go as part-time as possible and do something else (??what) in the free time. Who knows....

I do some volunteering that in an ideal world I would like to do more of. Realistically though I'll have to go back FT.

That jam sounds lush!

ooh just what volunteering do you do?

also ain i forgot to say massive gx and handhold! I have no idea when to be counting this cycle from - is it the day I started spotting (Christmas Day) or the day I passed the sac (30th?) or the day the bleeding got period-like? (28th ish?) aaaaah.

Another Facebook pregnancy bombshell yesterday. humph. I swear that the best contraception is really really wanting a baby so hard it hurts. grumps off to make another coffee and not revise or do e-portfolio

Corgi....I have to agree!

I have had two unwanted pregnancies in the past...both times it was the only time I'd had unprotected sex that year so basically got upduffed like a kitten immediately from one, totally untimed in regards to icing, shag.

I know it was stupid to have two unwanted pregnancies, I have bipolar disorder and didn't know so was manic and unable to think about consequences

Of course now that I'd like to be pregnant this is the second month in the last three months we've had unprotected sex and nada so far....I'm trying not to think that this is karma biting me in the ass.

stumbly don't beat yourself up, I've had an abortion. Also from one time shag on the pill. You have to remember that there is no evidence that it affects fertility unless you had an infection afterwards. Here if you want to chat

corgi I volunteer for the Nspcc. baby bombs are the worst.

definitely don't beat yourself up stumbly, as just says it's not going to affect your fertility unless there were lots of complications. And it was the right decision for you at the time. Just sod's law I guess.
That sounds really rewarding just! I need to do my child safeguarding training.... have a paediatrics job starting in 2 weeks, quite excited for it. though worried cute babies will make me even broodier

To be honest I'd be a terrible housewife so I don't know who I'm trying to kid. Emigration not really an option for us as dh has already done it once in his life (to uk) and has v successful uk based career.....his main overseas options would be places like HK and UAE, neither of which I'm wild about or think I could work as a uk grad anyway. I'm considering a combo of part time GP, teaching horse riding or yoga and maybe doing some counselling qualifications.....

Cats, gx all is well. Must be hard to stay positive but I really hope this one works out for you.

Ain, gx for this cycle, hopefully this is the start of things getting back to normal?

So all my AFs since coming off pill have been horrendous- heavy and v painful and short. This most recent one has been much more like they were pre pill- 5 days, just a few cramps. Do I dare hope that the pill cocked everything up and now my body is finally getting back to normal? And that in turn may mean a return to normal fertility? Or is this wishful thinking?

The champagne was bloody delicious guys. Went a treat with the fish and chips!

Also stumbly, please don't beat yourself up. Far better to have an abortion then a baby at the wrong time with poorly controlled bipolar. Sorry you went throng such a rough time, you will get your baby eventually. We all will.

That's the spirit canters, we will! even if I have to steal one

canters I'd love to teach riding too, what I'd really love is for DH to make enough money so I could work part time teaching at a riding therapy centre, or even enough that I could volunteer there part time. longs for the old days of freelancing when I'd take a month off in the summer to play ponies

Thanks all you lovely Viriods, I've had nothing going on since yesterday morning so am a little less terrified. I also think I have found an absolutely lovely family to share dpony so that has cheered me up.

just IF I can wait to test on Monday I will, my reasoning is that that will take me past my longest ever cycle length. Not that it'll change anything! So I might just test tomorrow. See how we go. Either way I'll be on the phone to the Dr first thing Monday morning.

I would test tomorrow but I have no will power. I think it's going to be fine, sending loads of pma your way

Yes, the part-time life and plenty of time to volunteer and relax (I taught baby lifesaving in Belgium and loved it, I've also been a lifeguard). If I had it my way I could rock up to a well-staffed unit, work all week, then have a week off to do fun stuff...like baking. Reckon Jeremy would be on board with that one? To be honest, my current rota (though I moan about it) isn't that bad. The runs of long days and nights all come together, but the time off does as well. I think you can work in the Emirates, Canters. There's always job adverts for Dubai in the BMJ that and the magazine are the only bits I read

I started counting from first day of bleeding Corgi.

I really want some champagne and some fish and chips now :)

GX Cats

Hmmm....this thread gave me definitely non-pregnancy related cravings!

No champers though sadly!