Advice Wanted! Home insemination crisis!

[SweetFudge]

My husband and I are trying to conceive again and are going down the DIY route. We've got a donor and he's been screened for STDs,etc and has passed with flying colours.

We're all set but I can't find proper info on the web about

1]Whether it is crucial to use a sterile jar

2]Whether the jar needs to be stored in a flask till it reaches me. I am worried about the sperm cooking in a flask since the weather has turned so much warmer now.

3]Whether I need to have the sperm injected within a hour at most.

Our problem is that the donor lives about an half hour's drive away and my husband has to drive over to collect the sperm and then come home with it. That means the donor's sperm is outside of its natural environment for about an hour before it reaches us.

Is that too late and does anyone know if the sperm will be of no use by then? Any advice from members who've done self-insemination will be highly appreciated.

Bump!

You need one of Mumsnet's sucessful lesbian mothers to post.

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I think you might well look on the Pink Parents website, you know. And/or do a google search on 'lesbian mothers'.

I should think it would be crucial to use a sterile jar! And I think that the warmth is good for sperm, they need to be kept warm. I also seem to remember that inseminated should ideally be performed an hour after the semen has been collected, but I'm sure that just over an hour won't make much difference. And you need to put your legs up on pillows for ages.

Don't ask me how I know all this, I must have read it somewhere!

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Hello from one of mumsnet's 'successful lesbian mothers'! We did not use a sterile jar and nothing bad happened. Our donor produced the goods into a clean yoghurt pot or something like that, then sucked it up into a syringe (one of those needle-less ones you use for giving medicine to tiny babies) which we used to inseminate.

I haven't got direct experience of transporting the sperm as we didn't have to, but I have heard stories of people carrying sperm across town in their bras, to keep it at body temperature. Obviously this would be tricky for your dh but maybe he can figure out something. Sorry but I don't know how long it lives outside the body.

This might seem too awkward but would it be possible for you to go to the donor's house and inseminate there, or alternatively for him to come to your house and 'do the business' there? We did both of these at different times, but we were good friends with the donor.

After inseminating we (me and, when she was trying to get pregnant, my dp) used to stick loads of pillows under our hips and lie there for 20 minutes, but I'm not sure if that's really essential. Not many people do it after the more traditional method after all!

Obviously it should be in a container while it is in your bra.

When having tests for infertility etc, DH had to take a sample - it did not have to be sterile pot but had to be kept warm ( kept it under arm pit) and had to be delivered with in one hour ( any more and no good ) ant way after all this it ws a problm with mebut hope this helps you

Hello SweetFudge - I am another one of the successful lesbian mums.

1] We didn't use a sterile jar. We used a (clean) plastic babyfood container with a lid.

2] The jar doesn't need to be stored in a flask. It should be kept at body temperature. I seem to remember holding it under my arm. Between the legs while driving would have the same effect.

3] The sooner you can get the sperm inside you the better. It's not that it would be no use after an hour, but fresher is better. The longer you wait, the more sperm will die off.

Could you work out some kind of system where you arrange the approximate time for the donation, dh drives over to the area and then waits somewhere nearby for a phone call from the donor when he has "produced." Then you would only have the sperm outside the body for half an hour.

Just a suggestion but could you not go with your DH to collect the sperm an inseminate there, in a bathroom, if necessary. Not quite as romantic as your own bedroom perhaps but it would solve the problem wouldn't it?

Hi - another successful self insemination Mum here! We just used a clean yoghurt pot - not sterile. The sperm needs to be preferably kept warm and dark, and used within 20 minutes. Dp and I used our donor's spare room - arranged a time for us to go round and he very kindly let us use his spare room - and then lay on the bed after with a pillow under our bums for about 15 - 20 minutes. Worked for both of us - good luck!!!

Thank you so much to everyone who replied! Your individual experiences of how you've gone about it has really lifted a weight off my mind about the insemination succeeding.

I have looked on the pinkparents site which has been very useful but there hasn't been the info how long sperm live outside the body or whether a clean rather than a sterile jar will be sufficient.

I asked DH last night again about how long it'd take for him to get the sperm over to our home and he said if traffic is not too bad, about 40 minutes. Donor's said before that it would be too wierd for him to try and do the business with us just in the next room. Said he probably wouldn't be able to produce the goods with all the pressure!!

I'll test the waters again with the donor as I agree with everyone who has posted - the sooner the sperm is inseminated, the better my chances. I think that even if donor is too uncomfortable with us in the same house, I'll go along with DH and as Sparks suggested, arrange a time, so donor produces the goods just before we get there. I'll keep the sperm (in a jar!) warm in my bra like Rolymoly advised or between my legs. Probably bra as it can be hidden from sight of bus passengers stopping alongside us in traffic.

Ladies, it has really cheered me up to know there are members who have chosen this route and are now proud parents! :0

I'll post again on what we're going to do with the timing. Also, I'm due to ovulate in the next few days. Fingers crossed that the sperm gets to me in time.

Good luck SweetFudge! Let us know how you get on. In terms of keeping it warm, I would put it in the syringe and then put it in your bra (wrapped in clingfilm to prevent leaks), rather than putting the jar/yoghurt pot/whatever in there. Apart from the fact that the syringe will be more comfortable it will stay warmer that way as a smaller surface area will be exposed to the air.

But perhaps the donor would allow you to inseminate at his place (having produced the goods before you arrive)? Then you wouldn't have to worry about keeping it warm.

Hope it works out!

Good Luck Sweetfudge!!!

sweetfudge this may sound abit mad, what about putting a string around the jar and a hot water bottle to keep the sperm warm.

Musa, new idea there that you've got! It did bring a smile to my face, so thanks. I also reckon that the temp. of the hot water bottle will cook the sperm! Not sure about scrambled sperm up me uterus.

Also, thanks for the best wishes to Soupdragon, Kalex and Rolymoly. Say, ladies, what are some of the euphemisms (if any) you've used for referring to the donor's goods? I'm embarrassed to say I've caught myself calling them "the little soldiers" and "navy in the pants".

The genetic material. The wigglers. The goods. And I did once, without thinking, say to dd1's dad, as he was leaving our house after a 'delivery' (there's another one), 'thanks for coming'.

GOod Luck

You are a riot, Rolymoly. I'm still laughing about the "thanks for coming". Poor wee donor. What a moment for double entendres.

So, did he turn beet red or was he unfazed? I reckon our donor would just keel over in a dead faint if I said that to him. He's quite squeamish and proper.

Any more funny stories from anyone? Keeps me going at any rate.

Thanks for the good luck, Gothicmama!

Good night, ladies and Sweet dreams

Good luck!!!

This might sound like a stupid (and totally unromantic) suggestion but if your donor says a definate no to coming to the house is there any chance of you checking into something like a travel lodge near to his house. that way DH can get it back to you asap?

I had ICSI and I know they said that they liked to have the sperm as fresh as possible.
Kizziex

Hi, another home inseminator here. Just to echo the good advice you've already got: the jar doesn't need to be sterile but it does need to be clean and thoroughly dry (sperm hate water). Please don't be tempted to use a hot water bottle - sperm hate being cooked - just aim for body temperature. And try if you can to inseminate well within one hour - I'm sure it's still worth a go even if it ends up being an hour or slightly more, but obviously the little swimmers will be falling off all the time. Trying to get pregnant in any way can be stressful, but donor insemination is a particular headtrip. Try to find a way that is sustainable over the coming months, keep calm and positive, and GOOD LUCK.

We both realised at the same moment what I'd said, and simultaneously keeled over laughing. He's an old old friend.

How's it going, SweetFudge? Have you done the insemination yet?

Hi Rolymoly, Hi everyone,

Thanks for asking! Just finished tonight's insemination run-Had one on Monday too but couldn't log on (my sister stayed over and I had to entertain). We couldn't really book into a travel lodge,Lisch. Good idea though.

The car route is all North to central London suburbs. Did consider knocking on some doors in Bethnal Green and asking to use the loo for our insemination..all for a good cause, eh? For Monday's run, dh zoomed to donor's place and took about an hour (heavy traffic)to get back despite trying all sorts of back streets routes. I nearly had kittens by the time he got back. Needless to say, I was very tense, dh was frantic about inserting the syringe into me. Poor bloke. I think he was still on a feverish high from having to driving across London like a madman. We were that stressed.

Same time to get back today though we've tried to work out a different route. (Donor said to call him 15 minutes before we got there so he could time producing the goods with our arrival. Me, VERY impressed. Asked dh if men can do it to order even with such pressure. ALL the time, apparently.

Got the waiting troopers in the first time though when we got back. Dh's aim was steadier. I also wasn't laughing hysterically which must help.

Rolymoly, did you try and have an orgasm after holding your legs up for twenty minutes? You don't have to answer, btw. I tried having one as I've read on self-insemination sites that this is ideal if you can manage it. Seems that the cervical contractions during an orgasm suck up the sperm into the cervix.

I tried to get one going. Tough. Very tough. We want this to work. We laugh and joke a lot about it all but it still feels hard some days.

We had one cycle of ICSI- UCH hospital pulled two living sperm out of DH's testes after 1 hour of a TESA procedure, two embryos implanted and I miscarried after a few weeks.

We moved on to donor sperm since the docs told us that dh's testes may atrophise(ouch. wince.)if we tried another round of ICSI. Went with a London agency called Mannotincluded which arranged to test and screen our donor, arrange and courier the deliveries. Conceived on the first insemination and miscarried at 6 weeks.

We then decided to do it ourselves. Weren't happy with the agency service. Hence, the frantic self-insemination questions I posted.

I want this to work. We both do. I am afraid of miscarrying again but one bridge at a time, I know.

Good night, ladies. Sweet dreams.

Hi SweetFudge. I only just saw this. Good, good luck, I really hope it works out for you. Let us know what happens. It must be very hard after the miscarriages. Do you know if there was a reason for them or was it just very bad luck?

Anyway ... I did not deliberately try and have an orgasm after inseminations, though [blushes deeply] on a few occasions we did find the insemination put us in the mood . It was always a fight between the romantic/sexy and the comic, though. I'm sure it can't hurt if you can manage it, and up until fairly recently people used to think it was essential for conception.

I'm curious about your donor. Is he a friend? What's in it for him?