We are all a bit bonkers, worshipping the travelling womble conker, we rub the grad's bumps for luck and shag without scientific schmuck (Most of the time!) Its Just Shagging 56!

[MyBlackCat]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a Kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 55 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2485718-Were-Still-Gathered-Round-the-Sacred-Womble-Conker-for-a-Legendary-BFP-Bring-your-Fur-Babies-and-Pray-for-Merely-a-Hint-of-Menses-its-Just-Shagging-with-science-sometimes-55" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2505402-Its-the-dream-combo-of-carbs-and-couples-massagers-welcoming-pukey-newbies-and-teffrifying-norks-its-GTTs-a-go-go-on-JS-Grads-41" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2490199-just-mumming-9-we-re-suffering-the-curse-of-mel-b-st-syndrome-and-the-rise-of-the-sleep-snatchers-we-ve-all-had-enough-and-would-just-like-a-good-js" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Oh shit, cross posted with you there Just. That is totally shit. Bastard AF. I'm sorry my dear, you don't deserve to be twatted about like this.

Just, horrible when she tricks you & you get your hopes up.

I've had a really bad headache today & yesterday, last couple cycles I've had had headaches around the same time. Wonder if the headaches are linked to my cycle??? Used to have horrible migraines which were hormonal.

Could be hormonal, try and drink more water and a weird trick is to eat a spoonful of sugar, that sometimes sees one off.

I'm so sad, and pissed off. It's Christmas and I'm fucking miserable. I don't want to be surrounded by other people's babies and bumps all Christmas but I'll have to be as everyone else in the world my family seems to be pregnant or waving a newborn around. It's not fair. I'm sick of pretending I don't care when people ask why we haven't had any yet. I'm sick of it all.
I'm drowning in self pity, not helped by feeling ill. Sorry viroids for selfish post.

Just haven't heard of the sugar trick before, must give it a go. Sorry to hear your feeling shit, & don't be sorry at all, that's what we're all here for. The disappointment is crushing & given how unwell you are, it's only natural to be feeling so low. I for one didn't realise just how hard it would be TTC, or the rollercoaster of emotions you go through. Don't be hard on yourself & allow yourself to be pissed off, but remember, this too will pass xx

Sorry to hear that just, so unfair. Take all the time you need to rage.

just I'm so so sorry for you, this whole process is one big head fuck. We will get there, we fecking will ok? Hope you feel better soon x

I had shit then better news about my job situation today. Full thing is not going to be resolved until end of January, this has already been going on for six months, I'm so over it, wish I had the balls to tell them where they can stick it.

Going to go out for a few drinks tonightdrowning my sorrows

Oh just my love I'm sorry. It's always worse when you've got your hopes up. That sodding witch! Have a Christmassy sloe gin or similar. are you planning to see doctors about referral at any point?
I can't believe how rude people can be asking about babies/ttc. Definitely worse at Christmas with nosy family members. It didn't bother me before we were trying but as soon as we started I found it so irritating, and I have now resolved to never ask anyone IRL about ttc ever!
Unmumsnetty hugs and damson gin to all other pissed off viroids.

Oh just, I'm so sorry. I really thought it was happening for you. It's shit, really really shit.

Corgi, I too have resolved never to ask people about babies. We are friends with several couples who are all having fertility issues to some degree...makes you realise it's really sadly quite common. yet as a teenager I was convinced I'd be immediately upduffed if I so much as touched a rogue penis without protection.

Cats- 13hh! You must be pretty little yourself then? I love welshies, my first pone was a sec b and even my current big lad has a dash of Welsh in him. I would love pony cuddles in the new year if you're anywhere near.....I'm Essex based. Hopeful

I have damson gin, may have to have one several although mixed with tablets is probably not best plan.

corgi we are already seeing fertility clinic, got second appointment on 16th January. That's possibly why I'm so upset, was hoping not to need it. Suppose there is one more shot before then.

black hope it all works out for you job wise, must be horrible to have the uncertainty. We will get there, we WILL. Enjoy your .

So chatted to cried on dp and decided to have a month of no opks, no temping no analysing cm tbf he doesn't know I do that and no ics. Just going to shag when we feel like it and drink loads, go to parties and try and have fun.
I feel like I'm missing out on fun as I'm a miserable cow, dp says I'm not but even if I'm not acting miserable I feel it. Going to try to feel happy for a bit.

So, can I have day 3 bloods on day 2?

Rogue penis against all odds you made me smile canters. Unfortunately I did get pregnant from a rogue penis in the past, whilst on the pill so I was convinced I would only have to throw my pill I'm the bin to get upduffed. Maybe I should go back on it, head to a festival and go on a drug binge .

Have to keep repeating that it's nothing to do with having an abortion, which to be fair my consultant thought was ridiculous.

Maybe we are just incompatible?

Anyone know what next step at fc will be assuming my day 3 comes back ok? I've had normal ultrasound and day 21. And hideous pelvic exam fingering which showed no problems. Recent unrelated blood tests all normal so no thyroid probs etc.

Your fanny is being a twat end off. I'm so sorry you keep being messed about like this. Get yourself well. Your entitled to drink all the gin and spend a day yelling at your fanny!

I know country, we aren't talking. It had ONE job and it's failing miserably. I'm giving up on the ics though, they are little cunts.
Good job I've baggsied half you baby isn't it? It's looking more and more like you will have one before I'm even pregnant.

Just that's shit. The positive op had me convinced. Taking a month of really trying isn't a bad idea. I'm contemplating doing the same if this isn't our month

The opks and cm monitoring motivate me and focus the mind but they equally make me crazy / miserable. I cried last night when DH wasn't in the mood!

Have gin, take your meds, focus on sex actually being for fun and know you have the clinic for help in Jan if it doesn't happen this new cycle.

Ahhh just, please don't torture yourself. You made a brave and difficult decision because a baby wasn't right for you back then. That has no bearing on now.

I feel so not pregnant it's untrue, and it's making me want to drink ALL the gin. I'm the only gin drinker in this house. If I open vaaaair posh bottle do you think that'll tempt fate enough to get me my bfp?!!

Ooh only if its vaaairy posh, is it millers? That's my fave, with cucumber. Come and share with me, then leave the bottle as I reckon that will tempt fate
Decision at the time was right one, would have loved a baby but not with the utter cunt I was seeing, he was a proper sexy bastard.

London I feel the same, I like the knowing it's the right time with opks but I get crazy, I've cried when dp hasn't been up for it too so you're not alone. The positive opk had me convinced too, wtf was that about.

Sex for fun? Now that will be a novelty

Dh is aware that this bean is a third someone he's never met!!

These words will never mean anything but you will get there

Wail all you want for a few days then pick your head up and move on. New cycle and all that. I know it's hard but you will get your baby!!!!

Just

Rogue penis - I read that as rouge penis at first

Oh just I am so sorry, it is awful to have such positive signs only for the witch yo come and get you. Damson gin is a good idea. You have every right to rant and cry and let things out as much as you like, especially on here. We all are here for you. It sounds like looking after yourself and having a month off could be a good thing.

canters I'm 5 foot nothing and not very big, 11 year olds seem to be getting taller than me now. Dpony was a handful when she was young and is still as strong as an ox at 17 so having an adult ride her benefits her schooling. I'm in Hampshire sadly, but you can tap me up if you're ever this way.

I wrote a reply and it's disappeared...

In summary...

Hugs for just I'm so sorry that af is fucking you about.

I'm enjoying the pony talk. I used to ride, but haven't in years.

I'm exhausted.. its been a long day on not much sleep. I should try and get jizz, but I really don't feel like it..

So sorry Just.

You can't be far from me then Cats.

Tink calling, just stopping by to say boo hiss to just and chats fannies! Felt sure you'd have both graduated when I checked back in with you all. Sorry to see ain and some other old timers are still here too

No news from me I'm afraid, bottled it with the surgery. It just didn't feel right to put my body through any more when it seems to be screaming at me that it doesn't want to be impregnated!! Not sure what the next steps will be for us, going to take my time to decide. No rush. Glad to see the jsers are still here in full force though, good luck to all and have a very happy Christmas!

Sorry just stupid witch getting you.

My kindle was convinced I wanted to type rough penis, which may not be a totally stupid autocorrect

Thanks country, doesn't feel like it at the moment but I know you're right, if you could have a word with my fanjo please.
Your poor dh! Tell him I'm up for babysitting and impregnating.

tink oh how I've missed you lovely girl. How are you? Sounds like you made the right decision, was it laparoscopy? Diagnostic or treatment? You don't have to rush any decision, you have loads of time and you need to make sure any decision is one you are comfortable with. Has your consultant given you any options for next steps? Massive hugs for you.
I may not have graduated but I've got over my blood test fear, I have had 3 in a week and got another tomorrow. I feel like a superhero if superheroes take diazepam, use emla and cry throughout.
Will you be on here more? I miss you.

Oh just, that's shitty and I'm really sorry. (Fantastic news on the blood test progress on the other hand.)

Good to hear from you tink