We're Still Gathered Round the Sacred Womble Conker for a Legendary BFP. Bring your Fur Babies, and Pray for Merely a Hint of Menses, it's Just Shagging (with science, sometimes) 55!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>Kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into TTC obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 54 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2474456-The-commune-is-gathering-for-a-sacred-BFP-We-are-worshipping-our-womble-conkers-and-admiring-penis-statues-but-were-still-remembering-to-jump-our-miroids-at-every-opportunity-Its-Just-Shagging-54" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2460633-Just-Mumming-8-the-one-with-the-fire-crawlers-wind-machines-and-the-Health-Visitor-revolt" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-website-s-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Recent research PROVING WE ARE RIGHT is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-10/iu-iss100515.php" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Whoop keep!

I'll give that a go penguin, can't hurt

ill got out of bed the wrong side

I was woken by cuddles from my nephew which was lovely

Congratulations Kate xx

Thanks Paige

Fingers crossed that this next cycle is a lucky one for you all x

Hallo viroids!

Had my GP app, he's referred me to gynae so we'll see what comes of it. He also said he can't see any reason to stop TTC. So now I don't know what to do!

AF still here, on off on off. Something's not normal but at least I've got a referral now.

Anyway, me me me!

That's good you've been referred YB ... hopefully you won't have to wait too long to be seen. In the meantime maybe you could just go with the flow if the GP said no reason to stop TTC?

I bought some Boots own Pregnacare TTC vitamins ... my goodness, if you take them on an empty stomach they make you want to instantly throw up. Could almost be mistaken for an early pregnancy symptom! Slaps self around face

Heads up ... just got woman's hour on Radio 4 while I work and there's a really interesting interview on about MC and TTC. Very sad but informative and honest ... might be helpful to those who have suffered in the past.

That's good news sock do you think you will keep trying or do you feel like you need a break?

Congrats on your bfp kate

Well I'm back from holiday and the witch welcomed me home I rang up as advised to book my HSG appointment and I have to have it before day 12 - they have no appointments available! So I have to wait for them to call me back as they are going to see if they can make more appointments available.

I'm not happy as I already spoke to my boss and had the work trip abroad taken out of my diary so if they can't do it this month I will be seriously pissed off. I'm having the usual everything is against me day that generally come with the arrival of the bitch

I am such a horrible person. I found out someone who I used to be really close friends with is pg and I burst into tears with jealousy. It's the first time someone else's pg announcement has hit me like this. It was supposed to be me first from our little trio. Not her.

How fucking horrible does that make me sound!

Not horrible Ain, as long as you didn't say that to her! Some friends'/acquaintances' pregnancies hit me harder than others when I first found out.

Last day of Clomid today, it's been alright so far. New haircut is good (they have a back massager in the hairwashing chair, amazing!) and I picked up my new glasses as well, which I love.

Congratulations Kate if I didn't say so already!

No. Of course I didn't say that to her. It kinda hurts that I found out through this cutesy little video on Facebook of her and her partner telling their DCs (step-DCs in my friends case). To be fair, we are nowhere near as close as we used to be and she has no idea that we are TTC so why would it even cross her mind to be wary about me finding out in such a way?

It really has been the hardest hitting pg announcement though. I've had several people find out they are pregnant and have the kid by now since I've been TTC, and they all come with little twinges of jealously. But for some reason this one was just too much.

Sock yay for new hair and new glasses! I love a good haircut and a good pair of new glasses. Could do with both myself!

ain don't be too hard on yourself. I know how you feel. Just keep trying to look forward.

black hope you had a nice time. Bloody hospital, hope you get an appointment

ain you're not horrible at all, it is understandable and you can't help how you feel. Be kind to yourself

Thank you just and pretzel

I have had a pretty negative evening. It was the pregnancy announcement that triggered it off, but it's not just that. I need to sort my head out sometimes. That pregnancy announcement triggered off a lot of negative feelings - towards myself, not my friend. I can get stuck in this sort of... negative spiral. I used to be trapped in it all the time. I mean all the time. I had a lot of issues. I'm now mostly okay, and mostly not 'trapped' but every so often something minor will happen, trigger this spiral, and I feel stuck all over again. It lasts hours when it happens. Far better than the days, weeks, months that it used to. But these dark hours... I don't know how to cope with them.

:( ain big hugs to you. It's so hard and you have gone through so much. Can you talk to someone about the way you are feeling. I don't know if you have a history of depression but it could be that and you shouldn't go through it alone.

You will get your baby soon. You are doing so well with the weight loss and are on the right track.

Ain. I was talking to a friend yesterday about how I hysterically cried by the kitchen sink, baffling DH when he told me his sister was pregnant.

It hit me like a ton of bricks and I hadn't expected that at all. I think at the time it was because me and DH were discussing trying for a baby and all of a sudden his younger sister was pregnant with a planned baby and I felt utterly crap for not getting my act together sooner, and very jealous! And very guilty for feeling jealous!

I think TTC brings out the crazee in all of us from time to time! I feel Shakira, She Wolf might be the theme tune to this mood! Awooooh! Maybe stick that on and have a dance around, if you don't laugh, you'll cry!

Oh Ain don't beat yourself up, you're not a horrible person at all. Hope you feel better soon.

Awh Ain your not a horrible person at all, we've all been there. I seem to get jealous anytime I hear of anyone at all getting upduffed, even when I don't even know them that well. I guess it's cos we want it to be us so much.

So the witch has done one, but now I've got a stinky cold, so feeling even sorrier for myself

Witch has fucked off here too so I'll be getting some action later hopefully

Had a chat with my mum yesterday and ended up in tears, a proper pathetic sob fest. She knows we have been trying and about fc appointment so we talk about it a bit. Not sure what came over me yesterday, just had a real moment of hopelessness. I'm feeling better now, got my usual pre ovulation optimism

Get shagging ladies!!!! Offering bump rubs for luck! :)

Bah, I wrote a massive long post this morning and it's not appeared! To sum it up: Ain I totally get it. Totally. Allow yourself to feel how you feel, and definitely don't beat yourself up over it. Then, tell me to do the same. Ta

YB just...you know...shag.

Just catching. Up after a busy few days and can't remember everything so as appropriate for those I miss.

YB that's pretty good news by the sounds of it so fingers crossed all goes well with the gyn. Have you thought any more about whether you will keep trying in the meantime?

Ain you are definitely not a horrible person. It's completely natural to feel like that and these things can creep up on you when you least expect it. Please be kind to yourself

yb missed your post. That sounds positive, will you keep trying? Sounds like gp wasn't worried about you doing so. Does that put your mind at rest?

chat! Looking forward to the holiday? Where are you off to? Hopefully somewhere you can have a well deserved rest.

And chat, I've taken your advice so I'm bouncing it back, along with a snuggle that's more for me though

I'll take the snuggles too Ain :)

Off to Tenerife Just! We didn't do a summer holiday this year, what with everything else going on, so this is a sneaky bit of sunshine. Hoping to climb Tiede but otherwise explore and relax!

Setting off tomorrow - have to endure a family Hallowe'en party first (DD and I may sneak out for pizza - she doesn't really like dressing up, it frightens here when people look so different). No idea how much wifi there will be, so may miss news. Hooyah, shag!

Thank you everyone. Sorry for those posts. I know that you lovely viroids understand.

I'm feeling a bit better about it today. Though today I'm a bit annoyed with DH. I don't really know why. I was enjoying having a quiet/lazy-ish (housework/Sainsburys/not much else) day, especially as DH was going to get home later than he normally does as he was out playing football. For some reason though ever since he's been home he's been really annoying me. All he has done is come home, grab something to eat, have a bath and get ready for bed. He's currently lying in bed watching TV. (I'm downstairs watching the big TV). No idea what he's done to annoy me, but his presence is just making me annoyed... If I was on the AIBU boards lately I would totally get slammed!