The commune is gathering for a sacred BFP! We are worshipping our womble conkers and admiring penis statues, but we're still remembering to jump our miroids at every opportunity! It's Just Shagging 54

[jellypi3]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 53 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2457521-Oh-Shagging-Gods-Grant-us-our-Wish-A-Newborn-so-Tiny-to-Squish-By-Shagging-like-Stars-Or-with-Jizz-in-our-Bras-To-the-Disco-in-a-Petri-Dish-its-JS-53?msgid=56749960#56749960" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2472977-Its-sneeze-births-galore-thanks-to-our-fanny-stretchers-Were-soaking-in-piss-and-praying-for-Bats-hospital-bag-Were-avoiding-our-mens-Annie-Sloaners-and-eating-all-the-cake-Its-JS-Gras-39?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2444058-Just-Mumming-Thread-7-the-grads-grads-cope-with-walking-own-rooms-and-have-little-time-for-shagging" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Aww black, that's precisely why I didn't share it. But then again, I know some of my 'friends' on facebook would be nosy buggers who read too much into things. Some people just entirely miss the point of things. It was a great post, and it's a shame some people don't get the message it was putting across.

Aww black some people are dicks. What post was it?

Oh Black some people are stupid cunts...mostly it is just people not thinking but bringing it up after you posted that is the definition of thick as shit. If it's any consolation, all of my DH's family think I hate kids. I don't (obvs) although I don't really like theirs

black for you. When you say they bought up that you had posted it, what exactly was said? Fuckers

lil somehow the conversation got round to children, then someone went oh yes black what about your Facebook post, someone else was like 'I can't believe you've bought this up' I was 'I think the post makes things pretty clear - end of discussion' then half the group didn't know what it was about so it had to be explained, cue lots of stares at me, then the person who bought it up used an example of a friend who'd had a molar pg and didn't want to talk about it but should have done, but it became awkward. I said well that's HER decision and therefore she should be respected...... conversation then went into a discussion of what a molar pregnancy is whilst I sat there fuming....

Seriously?? Are people just fucking thick??? By all means talk about the post if you want to gossip but in front of me?! just fuck off not you viroids

That's so annoying black, I can understand why you're

Some good friends of ours who we know have been ttc for about 6 months both posted it a few days ago. I just thought "I hope they're OK" and left it at that because if they are having problems that's their business and they know where we are if they want to talk about it. I have thought about them a few times just hoping all is ok with them but I would never bring it up.

black, sounds to me they aren't really friends.

So um. I may need a mini hooya. I'm swinging between symptom spotting and anti symptom spotting. Most probably because this is the day last time that I started to get symptoms (sickness). Just tired today despite a good nights sleep. Totally feel like it hasn't worked and in driving myaelf crazy already!

Hooyah lil don't do it to yourself.
tiredness is definitely a symptom

Black your friend who brought it up is a massive douche. And no wonder the friend who had a molar pg didn't want to talk to HER/HIM!

Don't do it lil! And anyway, you hear of people who symptom spot all the time and the month they're convinced there are no symptoms is the month they get their bfp.

Mini-hooya Lil. If you test then I have to and I'm not quite ready for that kind of disappointment yet

Rage on your behalf Black

Got tagged in a FB BFP today. Not mine. Cried a bit.

Did have a lovely email from the consultant who looked after me with DD, though, attempting to reassure me and talking through how he'd look after me. Lovely chap.

Ooh, you lot make me glad to not have an active fb page. black I think your friends have entirely missed the point hopefully they went home and some realisation hit them.

chat it'll be yours soon though...

lil no hooyah. It must be the worst tww for you. Don't really know what to advise. I don't think daily testing is good for the soul. But if it helps the anxiety then the odd poas through what must be torture for you might just help you prepare yourself for dday? I'm not sure what I'd do in your circumstances. Maybe give myself set days where I can poas like 10, 14 and 16? Not sure but I think that's what I might do

just are you high? Did you make it? Hope you're ok?

keep I don't think I've replied to your post about the fc? Anyway, the silver lining of a bit of wait means you have the opportunity to get yourself a fuck you fertility clinics bfp in the meantime! Hope it works out that you get sorted quickly though.

sorry chat didn't mean to upset!!!

black that's awful. Once you posted that it should have been very clear how uncomfortable you were with the topic. The friend who thought it was a good idea to bring it up is an asshole. Your other friends should have completely shut him down before it went any further though and I can't believe someone else had the balls to ask what it was about in light of exchange that took place just before then. Was everyone totally drunk ?

Sorry shaggers. I've been a rubbish js'er in every sense of the word again lately..

Having a really tough week. I'm currently somewhere between breaking down into tears and throwing things at the wall in frustration.

Need to catch up on the Fred.. last time I read anything was page 6. I'm sure there's some laughs to be had in amongst the pages so I'll do that later this evening... hope everyone is doing okay.

Just you must post if your high off your tits!!

No one drunk - all females just fucking idiots

Fuck the stupid idiots in this world - I'm going to focus on the positives and try and ignore the negatives

Off to Wembley to experience NFL on Sunday
Fertility clinic Monday
And if not upduffed by Christmas and I still have a job .......we are going to go skiing in January

Nightmare day. Course finished early so ran out to get to hospital in time. Flat fucking tire! Luckily right next to a garage so a kind mechanic changed it for me. Upshot was that I missed last slot. Luckily hadnt taken the drugs!

black morons

Boo I was looking forward to a goofy just

I love skiing. I really wanted to go this year but at 4 months pregnant I doubt its feasible! Where are going black

No idea yet london I fancy the Dolomites but it will be early January so will probably wait until last minute and go where the snow is I love skiing so it's a good upside to not being pg

Yeah, I really love skiing too black. DH will probably go without me (and I can't blame him).

I'm undecided about skiing this winter. I go every year with a group of friends from uni, and it's about the only time we all get together, but I'm actually not wildly keen on the skiing. They're almost all more experienced than me, and I have NOT taken to it naturally, and am probably not fit enough for it.

This year I had hoped I'd be upduffed in time to avoid it, but wasn't too disappointed when it didn't happen, plus I had an exam the week after the trip so was able to get away with skiing in the morning and revising in the afternoons. This coming winter I'm less sure. I love going to the mountains and seeing everyone, but if I'm not pregnant I don't know if I'll want to ski or if I'll just be thinking about my lack of sprog the whole time. If I was pregnant I wouldn't ski at all, I'm not good enough to feel safe even if I was in the very early stages.

Any thoughts, viroids?

That's tough. Skiing is an expensive holiday and if you don't enjoy it that much and think you might be sad, I can see why you might not go. However, once you are updated Sock it might be harder to get away and do these things for a while so I say go for it and enjoy the apres-ski with people you love and don't get to see that often...

My two-cents!