Oh Shagging Gods Grant us our Wish, A Newborn so Tiny to Squish, By Shagging like Stars, Or with Jizz in our Bras, To the Disco in a Petri Dish...it's JS 53!

[ChatEnOeuf]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a <strong>kitten</strong> = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Jizz in a bra = how we transport the jizz to the Sperm Queen

Shagging like <strong>Something</strong> = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A <strong>Lemon</strong> = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 52 (The one where we recruited) is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2443514-Come-one-come-all-to-the-shaggers-ball-theres-fanjo-flags-and-party-bags-well-laugh-a-lot-and-well-get-our-tots-so-legs-in-the-air-for-the-shaggers-extraordinaire-Recruiting-YOU-on-JS52?msgid=56323474#56323474" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2450166-Were-growing-babies-stomach-beards-and-nipple-pubes-its-pregnancy-glamour-galore-with-humongous-tits-medicinal-prunes-and-praying-for-poo-on-JS-Grads-37" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2444058-Just-Mumming-Thread-7-the-grads-grads-cope-with-walking-own-rooms-and-have-little-time-for-shagging" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The brilliantly pearl-clutchy Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/2386412-Thread-titles" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a> and a bit out of date now <strong>La</strong> has done a baby.

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Boo yb she is a twat. chat told me to use the Fred's to keep on top of my cycle, I always post when af arrives so can just look back to see where I am if I've not bothered with ff. Or you need to find a cycle buddy that uses an app! By my calculations you've still got 4/5 cycles to catch this school year (?) so don't panic yet the mn tool that calculates ov day works too, then you could just program it into your phone or somesuch.
I'd say just try and shag 3 times a week and don't worry about it but with a house full of small noisy people I'm sure that is easier said than done

ain sorry for your bad news hope the scan goes well. Most LA's want 6-12 months between ttc and applying to adopt. I don't think it helps to have medical proof of infertility as far as the panel and SS are concerned. I think they are open to everyone and as long as your reasons are honourable I don't think it matters. I know what you mean though, they certainly wouldn't need to worry you're going to do a surprise biological baby midway through the process if you just can't. So I guess in that sense being completely infertile would make it a bit more straightforward in a way. I'm sure they're not supposed to think about that though. Don't worry about being insensitive, I like discussing it all

just you'll be amazing! I can't sleep either, fucking greasy chips are a deadweight in my belly.

tink I'm glad you understood what I meant.

feathered I don't know what to say... hugs for you and your friend.

I am really struggling to sleep for the third night in a row.. I'm not the best of sleepers anyway, but the past few nights have been extra bad.. I just can't fall asleep despite being extremely tired..

Feathered sorry to hear about your friends loss.

Ain hope that your grandads scan goes ok and if it is back they can treat it soon.

Think, so sorry forgot about the cysts. Yeah they are an arse, would injectable a have the same effect? I really don't know much about pco. My sis in law might have them but nhs are taking their time getting her scanned as she already has two kids already. Though I know she wanted a third they just can't afford it.

I am ok, they say I can test in 14 days. This is due to having hcg as my trigger. Is gonadotropin and I got a big bruise as I messed up the angle of injection as that was the night we found the cat. So was flustered and trying to do it quickly.

The cat is well, not had time to take to the vets to get him scanned for a chip. We now think it is a young boy. He is in our garage, much nicer than it sounds as it is a two car with nothing in it so lots of room for his toys and scratching post. The house is still such a mess it would be so easy for him to hurt himself on something while we are at work. I can't tidy as am on nothing more strenuous than walking for the next two weeks.

feathered that's awful, your poor friend. I just can't imagine what she's going through. Wishing for strength for her

Thanks tink. How ridiculous is this, I was looking at period tracking apps last night but I didn't like the idea of a record of my menstruation being there for all to see. Even though my phone has a lock code, is always with me, and I've had 2 babies and really should have gotten over the 'periods, ewwww!' reaction

I now realise how stupid that seems written down

I've worked out that if it works out this cycle, potential baby would be due mid July, which would be about the cut off period I think.

Hmmmm, we'll see. I'll stay optimistic.

How's everyone else this morning?

YB was it you asking about cut off points for the school year? The cut off point in the UK is the 31St August.

ill good luck! So you can test in two weeks? Exciting!

Right, need to get my arse off to work. First day that most of the kids are in. My kids aren't though so I'm working in a different class this morning. 5 year olds.

Thank you to all of you that wished my grandad well.

X post fail. So sorry for you and your friend feathered the poor girl. I'm sure you were brilliant during her pregnancy and I bet she appreciated your support hugely knowing what you were going through. please don't beat yourself up, you did your best. No one can ask more of you than that, esp considering you had just suffered the loss of your own lo. Im sure this is raw for you. Take care and talk to us, don't apologise....

Ain gx'd your grandad is okay

feathered that is awful. Unmumsnetty hugs for you and your friend.

just good luck for today!

YouBastard she arrived for me yesterday in a fashion buy I'm taking today as CD1 as she wasn't here properly... If you know what I mean. She is here today though, accompanied by cramps which I haven't had in a while!

Together with the bitch making an appearance in full of the cold.

Oh and by the way viroids - next time it's coming up to POAS date for me and I keep going on about symptoms - give a a fucking hookah and a slap across the face please. I don't know why I do it to myself month in, month out. I'm going to try and relax about it now and focus on the testing etc. I need a project or something to focus on to take my mind of ttc so I'm going to get back into my studying and focus on losing weight (5lb so far this week).

although I might buy some opk's this month just to try them out

Off topic - I'm sat in the office and there is a wasp in here with me. I fucking hate wasps so now I'm off to stand at the other end of the office until someone arrives to -kill the little fucker-- shoe is out the window.

Feathered I'm sorry for your friend. I'm sure she did feel you were supportive of her, particularly when you'd just had something so bad happen to you. Hope you're ok

Ain gx for your grandad

Keep I know exactly what you mean. Little fuckers drive me mad. Also they are everywhere at the moment!!!

ain hope your gd is OK.

just good luck for day 1 in new job

feathered don't feel bad about how you did or didn't act. Right now is what matters and you are well placed to help her now. Focus on that. Have to say her story scares the shit out of me. I don't think I'll be doing any celebrating until there is a living breathing baby in my arms if I get another bfp.

tink your body be crazy! Gx they fix it with the lap and you vlink at dh and get upduffed straight after. How are things with you and dh atm?

keep sorry the butch showed up. First day of full flow, not spotting, is cd1. To be honest I was just like you with the hope and symptom sporting until we got dhs duff sa result. After that I felt a bfn was always most likely even if a bfp wasn't impossible. Made the 2ww easier. I think even if you were to get an unexplained diagnosis, knowing your on the road to getting help gives you reason to relax because suddenly there is an end in sight.

Feathered SO sorry about your friend, that's just hideous news. I hope she is doing OK and you sound like a very good friend and somebody she'll be able to talk to about this horrible experience, so don't beat yourself up about reactions to her pregnancy at all.

Ain Sorry you are having a poo time too –hope your GDad is OK.

KeepI think PMT makes me paranoid, which doesn't help with symptom spotting! I know what you mean. I ate a Kit Kat yesterday and it didn't taste right and I convinced myself I was suffering from taste disturbances, even though AF has sort of started! DUH! Slaps self across face and has strong cup of coffee, because there is no disco-in-my-womble (somebody used the word womble yesterday and it made me laugh!() happening at the mo and caffine is OK for a few days!

You Bastard Get tracking ... but it does add to the obsession. Maybe your approach is OK and will result in babies if you keep at it?

CRAP! Better do some work, deadline whizzed by 3 days ago

Phew. Glad you're still with us Lil. I was worried for a minute. Not sure who first coined the phrase, but I think we had Popz to thank for the Fred.

Feathered that is so awful, I'm really sorry for your friend. If you can, let her talk to you, ask them if they have named their baby. She will appreciate it.

Ain I hope your grandad's scan is okay.

Keep only a gentle hooya. We've all been there.

YB definitely use the Freds to track - much easier than thinking!

You going to pee soon Black?

Hope interviews and presentations go well, this mobile site is hard work for my memory!

Sockballs wouldn't it be more June time if you conceived next round? I reckon you've got another 2-3 goes to make it into the educational year you're set on. As for tracking....TRACK! I use a combo of fertility friend and ovia. Ff is awesome for charting bbt.

Keep - I'm not going to hooyah you as your 'symptoms' sounded really convincing to be honest, especially the peeing all the time.

Ain sorry to hear about your grandpa and wishing him well. Did you sleep last night? After a day of five year olds I bet you do tonight.

Thank you all for your kind words and advice about my friend. It came as a bit of a shock last night. Lil I didn't mean to scare you...and sure it was nothing to do with her IVF. Just bad, awful luck most likely. Also, when she had her fertility tests they identified the primary cause of her ttc issues - but they also said she had some endo and other issues that they could investigate. She didn't want to investigate so they went straight to private IVF. Maybe it was one of these other issues they didn't look into that contributed to this awful awful sad situation.

Good idea about the name Chat. We actually both love the same girls name and had both said we'd use it. When I had my mc/she her BFP, my words to her were "I just want to get going again so you don't steal ALL MY NAMES". So maybe a gentle joke about the name.

Sockballs wouldn't it be more June time if you conceived next round?

How so?? Although I've already proved I cant count..!!

Hi Everyone!
I hope it's not too late to join in.

I'm 34. Came off the pill in January and thought we could take it all casually, just getting down and dirty when we actually felt like it but now it's starting to feel like we might need a bit more of a plan.

So I'm sort of new to TTC (and to Mumsnet) so there's a good chance I'll just lurk but it felt only right to say "howdy".

Hello poppies

Welcome poppies!

Well she's definitely here today so guess this is CD1. Despite this i am in a weirdly good mood. Normally I'm a right moody, frustrated bitch when she arrives but I'm feeling a bit... I don't know... Positive. It's almost like I've had closure on something but I don't know what. Maybe it's because we are now in the system and getting tested, i dunno.

It could also be the fact I'm eating a lot healthier so my body it's showing its appreciation by way of a good mood

5lb gone so far... Only another 4 stone to go

My conception will be around 21/9 and I'm expecting a June edd. And I'm an accountant so in theory I can count

Don't worry feathered I'm already petrified of a repeat mc so all your friends story has done is remind me I'm not mental, shit does happen. I'm holding onto the fact im fertile and they found no reason for mc so hopefully I was just unlucky and this time will be fine.

Skype baby shower didn't happen as they didn't realise u had to pay to do group video chat chumps

counting... I manage an accounts department and sometimes find myself juggling that many numbers around in my head that I become number dyslexic! I know by that point I have to go home and start afresh the following day!

Sockball if I conceived this cycle my EDD would be 18 May. And...what Lil said. Take a look at the mumsnet due date calculator to get an idea.

Welcome Poppies!

Lil - likewise. My primary aim is to have a living baby, secondarily I'd like to enjoy some of the pregnancy.

YB Tiny's bfp was mid October and he was due in June. You're already 4w pregnant when you test :)

Welcome Poppies!

Hi pop

Oh right! I was just counting ten months from 12 days from now. You wouldn't think I've already done this twice...!

Feeling very silly but relieved now. But there are no guarantees and I could still be here in the new year! Ah well

Thanks all for humouring me there!

howdy poppies

Still No NFMV

Basically I need to man the fuck up and POAS but I'm too scared of a BFN, after all these months I've just about managed to deal with af arriving, but a BFN after building up the hope is something I'm just not ready for

Ha yb don't worry, we've had discussions about 11month pg before on here, I think you'd be mighty fed up if you went that long though! Counting is tricksy. I get stuck on weeks in a month. How do we sometimes have long months (5 weekers) if they're all 30/31 days?

black I think you're into the realms of having to test now! My vote is for fmu on Saturday. This is based on nothing . We'll all be here for hand holding though. Keep your sense of perspective and remember you'll have lost nothing either way. There is always another cycle. I think just knowing will sort your head out know, even if it's terrifying Am I right in thinking you're on CDlate30 something now?

Damn sheep behind our house are getting all of the jizz at the minute! I'm going to invite them to join us in the jsers if they don't give it a rest soon.