Come one, come all, to the shaggers ball, there's fanjo flags and party bags, we'll laugh a lot and we'll get our tots, so legs in the air for the shaggers extraordinaire! Recruiting YOU on JS52!

[pretzelpieces]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 51 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2426806-Were-peeing-over-pineapples-because-we-ran-out-of-sticks-but-staring-at-lines-is-how-we-get-our-kicks-Fred-50-was-lucky-with-6-BFPs-and-lots-of-grads-are-about-to-do-babies-We-are-Just-Shaggin-51?pg=2" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2440803-Were-marvelling-at-bucket-fanjos-peeing-while-we-vom-trying-subsistence-farming-and-staying-incontinent-Keeping-our-GX-and-firmly-holding-the-hands-of-viroids-having-a-hard-time-JSing-grads-36 HERE]

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings has now been deleted so you'll just have to trust us that it was brilliantly pearl-clutchy.

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

I can't believe how I've allowed myself to get like this. I think I'm just on a downer tonight - no idea why - just feeling sorry for myself and need bed.

Doesnt help when the DH is all like "I've put so much weight on" "I'm so fat" yet he's not, not even in the slightest!

Think my bank holiday weekend is going to consist of lots of activities, moving around and trying to get back some willpower!

Tink shit day hugs winging your way! Hope you get some definitive answers soon!
I've been in a foul mood all day got up at six to dp whining that no one had made his butties don't ask don't get and having a total strop as I asked him to put bin out in the mean time whilst he's drinking coffe I make sandwiches feed 11 (I have kittens!) Cats crazy cat lady fold clothes put tumble dryer on put washing on clean cat litters empty then stack dishwasher clean up after kids then go off to work for twelve hours have shift from hell walk home listening to dp whining about how knackered he is from his 8 hour day and whilst he gets in shower I clean up after kids feed cats clean litters and sort uniform before going back for another 12 hours I'm not one to moan lol but I may actually explode before the weekend! Funny how you feel much better following a mn rant

Keep I think I'm feeling very similar to you this evening. I'm on a bit of a downer too. Here's some for you and some unmumsnetty hugs.

Feathered I buy work trousers from Asda, Tesco and Matalan... they are okay, look smart enough. I don't really buy expensive things for work though as working with kids it doesn't matter what I wear it is going to end up covered in paint and glitter.

NFMV I am now on day 6 of intermittent spotting. Could it just be a really light period? I have no idea what is causing it. My last period was beginning/mid July, but was medically induced. Along with the intermittent spotting I've had intermittent moodiness and/or feeling very down and stomach cramps.

I just want my body to work dammit!

and for everyone having a tough time. Tink they may well want to do a laparoscopy to see what's going on with the cyst, the free fluid etc. If it is endometriosis then they might be able to treat it at the same time, and they may also do a dye test to check your tubes. Obviously it's a more invasive procedure than anything that's gone before though, and would require a general anaesthetic (though this is v v safe) and a day in hospital (usually not overnight unless they take a very long time), so you might well decide it's not the right choice for you. Whatever you choose, we'll be with you!

Keep I did the same recently with the photos, and felt awful. I've lost a stone since my scan showing PCOS in early June, but it's slow progress and so hard to stick to when I'm doing crazy shifts.

Feathered no wise words, just lots of sympathy. Hope you get a break soon.

On a positive note though, I'm going on holiday on Saturday, cannot wait! Only one more day of work...

keep I put on a stone between engagement and wedding, and another half stone since mc, and counting. Was doing well this week until today, lots of sweets and chicken and spicy spuds from the takeaway!

tink, no point setting up a new group. We'd all follow you anyway. And anyway, if this ivf doesn't work I'll be looking down the adoption road with you. So point isypu best stick around. We'd miss you!

So still no nfmv. Day 3. Day 3 last time was the day AF started after 2 days of light spotting. Not had a single spot this time. Am I injecting at the wrong angle or something?!

I'm so sorry Tink as the others say please do stick around. They will hopefully be able to do the lap and sort it out. You are so amazing for considering adoption, I don't think I could handle it.

DH did tell them I think so only had a warning, California is odd you can look at a map on your phone while driving but not text. So they stop a lot of people thinking they are texting not looking at a map. He has been good lately as is looking after all the house move stuff.

Had a high on the cb opk today. Hoping that have peak tomorrow so can iui Saturday.

I've realised this morning... The two pointy things on the end of my boobages aren't sore this month normally running up to AF they are sore.

Please don't say on the month I've had my progesterone test that it's an anovulatory one!

keep that's not a bad thing, it will get you referred then clinic can retest

Thanks all! You lot are a massive support, don't know what I'd do without you

I think Monday is about right just, my norks are suddenly inflatable ones you get at the fair!

I also need to lose a stone in time for hols in October. I'm doing 30 day shred but not dieting yet (finishing the contents of the fridge this weekend) next week the diet will start in earnest. Need to shift 2lbs per week. [determind face] I bought a tiny white string bikini in my old size as motivation. For me the weight went on about 2 years ago (we had no kitchen for 6 months) I've lost half a stone but would love to get rid of the rest of it.

I need ur wisdom viroids. Remember the less than subtle bff? Well I've just logged into fb and have a message from her dh asking if I'm free for her "Skype baby shower" on Wednesday evening. Now I know I should do it and I'm sure I'd be fine but she's 6weeks ahead of where I should be so its hard to think about her having a baby. They had only just got back together after a 2 yr split when we started ttc and now Shea having a baby! It's hard. But not impossible. Wwyd?

I think you have to be totally selfish and look after yourself Lil. Meaning if you don't want to do a Skype baby shower (whatever that is) make something up as to why you can't make it, stick with the story and don't feel guilty.

If you think it might upset you do not Skype.

For the next few weeks it should all be about you - pampering yourself, pandering to your whims and frankly, not giving too much of a hoot about much else.

What is a Skype baby shower when it's at home? sounds like a bunch of bullshit to me. Don't do it if it's going to upset you. I wouldn't but I think baby showers are a ridiculous Americanism anyway, I wouldn't attend in person or on Skype. I refuse all invites to them (apart from sister's) and just take a pressie when it's born if I feel like it.

You need to keep yourself in a good place with some good pma and this does not sound emotionally helpful!
"Oh sorry, we are busy weds, hope it goes well" should suffice.

this blog is hilarious

Tink you have to stick with us. If you do adopt, there's a just mumming fred too. I'd love to see us all over there. There's a part of me that would love to foster tiny babies when I've finished trying to make my own. Probably the part of me that has conveniently forgotten the misery that is sleep deprivation!

Not sure how I'd manage a baby shower, Lil. I'm better when I know people are pregnant and when they are due - it's the unexpected encounters and new announcements that get me upset at the moment jealous cow that I am. See how you feel on the day (I know my 'strength' for these things comes and goes. I suppose it being Skype you can always hang up if it gets too much.

Just I buy my work clothes from M&S. Used to be Next but I've aged their quality has disappointed me recently.

Sad day yesterday, my friend's baby died - preterm with a host of problems. I'm so sad for her, I hate not being able to fix things

Hahahahahaaaaa! Just! "Each year a man ages from 30 without kids, the sadder and creepier he gets" aaaahhahahahaha! Good grief. Who are these people?

Thanks for the trouser tips Ain! And for the sympathy yesterday all.

Oh I'm so sorry to hear that Chat. Your poor friend.

lil don't do it, sounds bloody awful. If she's really your bff you should be able to explain why with no retribution too. Although I realise that won't happen, so tell them your busy and don't feel guilty. (Do you just watch her open presents via Skype?)

chat how awful, so sorry for your friends I bet they are really glad to have you as a mate though with all of your knowledge and experience.

Morning viriods - for everyone having a shit time...

Ladies, don't worry too much about your weight - I'm a good at least 2st overweight and am still fitter and healthier than most of the health professionals I see.
I exercise hard 5 days a week, don't drink or smoke, have very little sugar, no caffeine etc and a reduced calorie intake (not reduced fat) and can't lose any weight.

I can lift over 16st in weight, do proper press ups on my toes, flip a tractor tyre, swim open water without a wetsuit for over 2 miles and kickbox my way out of trouble.
Let the Dr's tell me how unhealthy I am....

How awful chat. Your poor friend.

mermaid you sound like superwoman! Healthiness depends if you have 2 stone of fat or muscle to be fair as fat cells release oestrogen which stops body releasing fsh. Studies have shown that ivf is less successful for women who are overweight too. So weight does affect fertility if it's fat.
Sounds like you have buns of steel though!

How long did everyone's sa results take?
Today not the best day for shopping for work clothes, I am feeling grumpy pmt.

Very selfish post alert. I am having a terrible day. No real reason for it at all. Yesterday afternoon was spent feeling 'empty'. This morning has been pretty much the same. I came back up to lie in bed and have just spent what felt like hours (it wasn't. More like one hour.) completely under the duvet rocking slightly and crying. What is wrong with me???

Sorry, that was a very self centred post.

chat sorry to hear about your friend.

Lil when is your next appointment? As for the Skype baby shower (still confused to what it is exactly.. does she live far away?) I would only do it if you are feeling up to it. If she is your bff she should understand and you shouldn't have to make up an excuse, but of course make one up if you feel you need to. You need to be focusing on you right now.

Oh Ain . for you and a massive chuff off piece of . Sorry you feel so rubbish.

Mermaid I think I have a girl crush on you...

ain and for you

So sorry for your friend chat
Just I second Banana Republic for work clothes, also Esprit and Massimo Dutti. I stick to sales time because I begrudge spending good money on boring work clothes
Please stay Tink, if you do end up going down the adoption route, I would love to hear the stories. Adoption fills my silly little heart with joy like nothing else on earth.
Hope you don't mind me sticking around viroids. I'm scared to move over to the grads' thread. I also haven't called the docs yet because of fear of jinxing. Can I get a hooyah? not from mermaid I'm too much of a wuss
Ain there's nothing wrong with you and you're doing the right thing getting it out if that's how you feel and
lil I also hate baby showers so I wouldn't do it anyway. If you don't want to make up an excuse you could log on and then turn your volume up and down before dropping the call, she'll think it's a connection problem. Put yourself first, you need positive people around you who care about your wellbeing.

No hooyah fruit you're feeling vulnerable right now. If I got upduffed I don't think I'd leave here without a crowbar either!

ain you poor sausage, that's af that!! The crying/rocking combined with the spotting is af I bet!! Which is a good thing in a way, no? Hate to say it but you might have to get used to it I get like that every damned cycle

merm I wouldn't give a shit if my extra weight was muscle, the sad truth is that i am almost entirely made of flab! I have been known to tuck my overhang at the front into my pants and I am 5ft 7in and 10 stone, so fine bmi, but pathetically unfit and either need to lose weight or convert it to muscle. Not bothered which.