Come one, come all, to the shaggers ball, there's fanjo flags and party bags, we'll laugh a lot and we'll get our tots, so legs in the air for the shaggers extraordinaire! Recruiting YOU on JS52!

[pretzelpieces]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 51 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2426806-Were-peeing-over-pineapples-because-we-ran-out-of-sticks-but-staring-at-lines-is-how-we-get-our-kicks-Fred-50-was-lucky-with-6-BFPs-and-lots-of-grads-are-about-to-do-babies-We-are-Just-Shaggin-51?pg=2" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is [[http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2440803-Were-marvelling-at-bucket-fanjos-peeing-while-we-vom-trying-subsistence-farming-and-staying-incontinent-Keeping-our-GX-and-firmly-holding-the-hands-of-viroids-having-a-hard-time-JSing-grads-36 HERE]

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2415890-Just-Mumming-Viroids-6-some-of-us-have-time-for-JSing-some-dont-but-were-all-grad-grads" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings has now been deleted so you'll just have to trust us that it was brilliantly pearl-clutchy.

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Thanks, I'm feeling more positive now. Feel like I can't do anymore at this point so might as well relax about it. How long did it take from referral to first app? Know each area is different but roughly?

Also lil, or anyone else who has done this, when you take sperm to hospital do you have to keep it at body temp i.e. in a pocket or anything?

Had to phone pathology dept to check drop off times and the woman was hilarious, told me she was "the sperm queen today, we're swimming in it!"

Lol at sperm queen just. Good to hear about the appointment hopefully law of sod now invoked

Unless you are on Clomid Lil and your temp is all over the shop! I use glow seems to do the job !

We got referred in early July just and my appointment is end of September.

When DH had to do his sperm sample they said it had to be in the lab within an hour of being produced, and advised keeping it as close to body temp as possible - they suggested in a trouser or breast pocket. DH was totally paranoid he was going to crash the car or end up in a massive queue on the way there.

I'm going to have to drop it off, I'm totally paranoid about that! Will pop it in my bra then!

I put it in my bra! and yes has to be within an hour or it will be too degraded.

also we were referred late Feb and had first appt with head nurse in fc on 1/4. she booked in my us scan and referred to xray for hsg (gp had already done my bloods).

is it you that's wierd about needles just? it's good fc will be doing it for you. the nurses make taking blood seem so simple in my clinic. much better than gp nurse.

not done clomid cori but surely it wouldn't affect temp as it affects FSH levels not prog which is what causes temp rise hated glow too

It is me, I am definitely happy that I don't have to have them after waiting hours at the hospital which is how they are done here. I'm still not sure how I'll manage. Gp said I can take a sedative before but that didn't help last time.

thought glow was patronising and annoyingly perky

just do you not have to have blood tests then? I've got two tomorrow - one hormone and the other for thyroid. And a smear / swab too.

GP said she would call us in 6 weeks when both our results are back and take it from there.

Lil clinic seemed to think that's what it was think it's more I've had several reactions to it than what it is actually supposed to affect tbh! They have said I can't use it again so if af arrives have to go discuss alternatives she said probably injectables find glow ok not that I probably really use it 100% as haven't got time I forget plus as haven't used anything else nothing to compare to!

Peenut, just to stick up for Mother nature a bit, you can use EWCM and/or cervical position to try to pinpoint ovulation. I had long and irregular cycles and I used these two things to work out icing plus tracking my cycle and symptoms. (I used Ovia but general consensus is that FF is better). I really enjoyed kind of listening to and getting to know my body this way
However, I was lucky enough to get a BFP relatively quickly (4 months which was 2 cycles for me). Honestly, if I had been trying for 8 months, a year etc would I have used more technology? Probably. But I also saw temping and opks cause a lot of stress for others on here. I think sometimes the conception threads can make you feel as though you 'should' use opks etc but you don't have to. This is not in any way a criticism of those who do temp etc but you can just JS and get upduffed. (We JSed a lot which I think helped!) Just thought I would give a different pespective, hope that's okay!

No I don't, he said they want to do them there so no point. I am overdue a smear though so I'm going to book that soon so it's done. I'll get them to swab for chlamidea (?) at same time so it's out the way.

I'm glad he hasn't wasted time waiting for results to be honest. Happy to be straight in the system.

P.S. When I said we JSed a lot I meant every 2 to 3 days. I am not in your league Cori, you are a machine!

As a former cbfm user I second what pud says. I just go off ewcm and we try to shag EOD between cd9 and 18ish.

But then I've not got upduffed so don't listen to me

I do a mix of everything - the apps, OPKs and temping. Tracked with the apps and temping before ttc then caught first time using Mother Nature, tracking and opk combo. With that pregnancy ending in mc I'm now using everything I've got! I like having an idea of when most fertile and being able to pinpoint it - we are out of the house for 12 hours + each day with work and so are not good week day shaggers.

The only thing I would feel a little cautious about going back to is the CBFM. Pressure central.

Just had my final shag of this fertile period. It was not romantic - super perfunctory and DH now has avert sore willy and achey balls!

Everyone's appointments seem to be happening at once! I'm loving the idea of you guys hot footing it to the doctor with jizz in your bras!

keep I can't believe they take 6 weeks to get results. I'd chase after 2 and weekly from then on. also make sure the test for rubella and amh level as well as prog and thyroid.

just my gp checked my clap test had been done. it had about a 6m - year before and no change of sexual partners (ha I'd probably be pg if there had been!) so she was happy that was recent enough.

nfmv: still waiting for the breakthrough bleed. I'd had 2days spotting by now last time

Sorry forgot who asked.

Clomid causes hot flushes so temping is kind of out the window. This is due to it interfering with estrogen receptivity in your brain in order to trick your brain to produce other chemicals. I got round this by taking mine at night.

Thanks chat, we are doing iui once I have my surge so no shag unless opk neg on Friday morning.

Had lesson in injecting myself today, wasn't too bad. Dh very good and came with even though he was terrified of needles.

Agree with lil get you thyroid a checked, mine is normal by non ttc standards but when Ttc it is too high. All my dads relatives have hypothyroid problems so I thought this might be a problem.

Keeping jizz cup in bra is advised as it needs to be body temp. Funny story, do was pulled over by cops for looking at map on phone on way to dropping off his sample for testing. He got away with a warning. Had to really this to nurse today as if I have iui on weekend it is in sanfrancisco which is more than an hour away. So had to ask about a special room for sample to be produced.

My DH has had to be referred to see a consultant so maybe they just want me to have the tests in the meantime. DH has some other issues which we don't know result in infertility or not

lil I'm wondering if they give such a big window for results 'just in case'. I'll ring them up in two weeks if I've not heard anything.

I would think your results would be back in a week keep. Hassle away! If he's being referred then that's probably why though.

ill your poor hubby! Did he explain why he was looking at map? Good luck for your iui.

I haven't changed partners since my last one so hopefully that will suffice lil!

Jizz in a bra, love it Lil. No spotting at this stage is normal, no? - though a pill failure at this stage would be possibly more ironic than any of Alanis' scenarios

I can't be doing with all this contraband...we JS EOD and bonus shags if we feel like it - from the day the witch leaves until she swoops back in. Anything else and I'm in danger of falling into obsessing territory pretty risky now anyway

Ill That's really good of your DH. Pretty sure mine would leave me to it.

Nice work, Feathered, hope it's done the job.

Good to see you in the system Just, hope the bloods aren't too traumatic.

bad news from dildo cam. Large simple cyst on the left, lots of fluid in pelvis around both ovaries, swollen Fallopian tubes, ovaries virtually side by side, sonographer thinks all consistent with polycystic ovaries, endometriosis and an infection. I fucking hope that's all it is, I'll take that over what Dr. Google thinks, he is not my Friend. Shit day! Boo hiss.

Oh tink that is rubbish news. Poor you. Unmumsnetty hugs for you. But at least you know, you can make a plan and move forward. I prescribe a day of feeling sorry for yourself and then get that pma back.

Aww tink - like just says, at least you know now and can get the ball rolling. Another hugs for you xx

I've just been to the docs - she had a student in as well... Like smears and stuff aren't daughnting enough!!

So I've had my bloods and now got to go back for another between day two and five of the next cycle (so booked in for next Friday).

Thanks viroids but the truth is I don't really know. They seem to change the diagnosis every time. Only two weeks ago I saw an endocrinologist who said I didn't have polycystic ovaries or a prolactinoma. Yet I am on metformin for pco and Dostinex for prolactinoma now they're adding endometriosis into the mix, which is fine but why has this not come up before (I've asked about it often enough). And why are my ovaries side by side, in a fluid filled pelvis, with swollen tubes?? My last scan was only 6 months ago, how is this so different to then?? and wtaf causes fluid and swelling, genuinely a bit scared for my health regarding that one.
Fc clinic referral on Tuesday and I think short of a miracle we'll be calling it a day soon after we speak to them. Far from helping me, all I have is an ever growing list of things wrong with me, none of which they seem to be very sure about.
That feels better -writing it all down.