We may all have the --rabies-- crazies, but we don’t need no ‘hints’ thanks! Grab yourself a (small) cider, get your sex towels at the ready, it’s Just Shagging 47!

[5hell]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 46 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2374301-Sod-the-elections-we-want-erections-Were-hoping-our-miroids-will-deposit-their-seed-in-our-lady-gardens-and-well-all-end-up-growing-giblets-Come-and-join-us-on-our-magical-new-bedsheets-its-Jus?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE </a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2380377-JS-viroids-are-here-in-their-28th-outing-complete-with-exploding-belly-buttons-Theres-royal-foofs-and-jiffy-bag-gifts-but-most-certainly-NOT-x-rated-colouring-books-at-the-VAGINA-party-HQ" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

stoat I'm so sorry things are so tough at the moment

honey happy birthday!

Just been to Aldi to get cold meats etc. Think I shall lay them out with sauces etc and let people help themselves. Need to also make tuna Mayo and egg Mayo.

honey a birthday afternoon tea tomorrow sounds fab!

pretzel your posts could have been written by me!

I am having a meh day. Cramps, feeling emotional. Sitting on the sofa with chocolate and tea and crying at Call the Midwife..

It's my birthday tomorrow too honey

ain I was wondering how you were getting on! Pantswatch is in full swing here... Keep thinking I feel AF arriving and then there's nothing there.

I've got a friend coming over for a cuppa so hopefully that'll take my mind off it for a bit.

Oh stoat that sounds very confusing and sad. I'm sorry.

Happy birthday for tomorrow honey and jcandy!

DH DS DDog and I have just been for a stomp on the moor, saw lots of lovely ponies and their foals Hope everyone else is enjoying their BH Monday?

Also, from what day do you say (number)dpo?

I would say (from horniness and pant snot) I started ovulating on Saturday, so am I 2dpo today?

Yay JC! Isn't it a great time of year? Hardly ever went to school on my birthday as far as I remember. Half term ftw!

I just had a nap, feel a bit groggy now.

Rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender now whilst I try to bring myself to tidy. Eugh.

No I can't remember going to school either though I do remember going in to work with my mum because we had an inset day, though that was fun too! The weather is normally better than this though!

Yes, I usually have a garden party or BBQ. So miserable this week!

I did the sex. Might start with the OPK tomorrow. I feel nervous about using them.

Yep you've got the hang of it there Thursday. I was never sure so mostly went with just doing cycle days (CD32, cd45 etc!)

Thank you pud

Wow I've just read through that other thread.... The title wasn't even wuddeeeeee - some people....

I've had a lovely few days, family wedding and spending some time with my niece and nephew. It's brought home how much I would really like a little one of my own, seeing my DH with the kids demonstrates what a great dad he will be too. Think I've had a bit of a break through with him too, last night he initiated a shag first time in ages, it's usually me nagging him. He also took his vitamin C's without me reminding him. I hope it's not a one off

Happy birthday to honey and jcandy. honey afternoon tea sounds so good

stoat sorry to hear ur having such a hard time at the moment.

AF is in full force (although lighter than i thought it would be), DP is going away again tomorrow for a few weeks...i did get him home for over a week instead of 4 days so cant really complain. Sitting pondering what kind of takeaway we should have!

cat yay for keen dh :)

stoat well done for doing the sex, when ur feeling muddled. Its the sex that counts at the end of thr day

sarah have thai :)

Thanks, I'm going for EOD this month...I don't know if I count last months shagathon as successful or not what with it being a CP.

How are you doing 5hell?

I am going to have Thai tomorrow! For my birthday dinner. Its my favourite. Tom Ka Gai and Pad Thai. Get in ma belleee!

Have made chocolate tart and meringues. Will turn them in to pavlova's tomorrow. Need to make scones in the morning.

Mmmmmm Thai.

Not a big thai fan, but seems I'm in the minority... Hehe. We had a really weird chicken and rice thing tonight. DH was trying to experiment in the kitchen. It was okay, but I won't be going out of my way to try and make it again. Yay for kitchen experiments though.

Spending my evening cross stitching (I've started the next owl of that pattern) and watching BGT. Did everyone enjoy their bank hol?

Thai sounds good! We just live in a small town so opted for chinese, i am stuffed! Diet starts again tomorrow lol

I need a voice of reason!! Help me please ladies, I'm feeling quite down but don't want to tell dh that, I just feel as if he never listens to what I say it's as if nothing I say matters. Even when we get in an argument all he says is "what do you want me to say" or "I don't know what to say" (all said quietly not shouted at).

I feel very down at him not wanting to ttc, I feel very 'lost' in the marriage, I have taken his no to mean he doesn't want the same as me (as in he doesn't want our family -daft I know), I feel as if he has taken away my happiness, (before I talk to him about it I felt excited and happy and in love with him) - am I just sulking? (By the way I know the answer is yes!!)

While typing this he has come back from walking the dog and given me a kiss for no reason! needs to be patient and plot about changing his mind on ttc3

FFS.
Just spent hours HOURS I tell you doing the most of some shagging. Then DS wakes up and puts DH off the money shot.

And I'm pretty certain I ruined the mood by being grumpy that he didn't come oops

Oh radley u poor thing...these men can be trouble (and in trouble!)

My dh never wanted children so when i started saying i did he was aghast! But i bided my time and was patient until he (slightly reluctantly) came around. I think many men find it hard to imagine and of course dont have the hormones to guide them. Personally it helps that my dh loves shagging so sees ttc as bonus sex really!

Have u been wanting to ttc for long?

Evening guys

Hope everyone has had a lovely bank holiday weekend I've been away gallivanting in the country drinking prosecco and generally being a drunkard!

First af post mc has arrived with a vengeance hot water bottle and chocolate for me! Trying the temping this month but considering I thought I checked it via the ear I'm not off to a good start!

Stoat sorry ur having such a shit time