We may all have the --rabies-- crazies, but we don’t need no ‘hints’ thanks! Grab yourself a (small) cider, get your sex towels at the ready, it’s Just Shagging 47!

[5hell]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also known as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit), or PIATLH (Tea light holder), PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage (Self explanatory, who wouldn't?)

ROC = Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

Ghost jizz/goat jazz - When the amazing foof sucks up all the jizz - achieved when coming at the same time/nearly the same time.

The link to Part 46 is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2374301-Sod-the-elections-we-want-erections-Were-hoping-our-miroids-will-deposit-their-seed-in-our-lady-gardens-and-well-all-end-up-growing-giblets-Come-and-join-us-on-our-magical-new-bedsheets-its-Jus?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE </a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2380377-JS-viroids-are-here-in-their-28th-outing-complete-with-exploding-belly-buttons-Theres-royal-foofs-and-jiffy-bag-gifts-but-most-certainly-NOT-x-rated-colouring-books-at-the-VAGINA-party-HQ" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN... Welcome!

Oh and I've been reading through Penis Beaker last couple of days, entirely worth the effort. Love MN.

5hell i don't think i'll ever leave for good, you're stuck with me :D (if you will have me that is). I'm feeling ok, but my tits are agony, I always thought they hurt pre-AF but seriously, this takes skittletits to a WHOLE new level. Apart from that, i'm just really tired all the time and waking up at stupid o'clock for some reason. I'm also very nervous, i'm technically only 4+2 today, it just feels so early on, but I'm doing all the right things for a pregnant lady so just need to keep up a positive mental attitude!

country I agree, i gave up commenting on that thread. They're just pathetic, they are bullying which is low. I hope MNHQ decide to step in and tell them to shut the fuck up maybe in different words

If you are still reading this spickle, I really hope you are ok and got back from your holiday. I know you said there were police issues abroad, but I am thinking of you and hope you will pop your head back here one day x

Why are people being expected to not do things that might get them bullied.

It is especially sad that women --who are by far the most exposed to sexual violence and gender discrimination --- do this to others in other areas. Don't dress in revealing clothes because you might tempt someone into raping you. Don't get pregnant right off the bat when getting a new job because it makes you seem unreliable.
It really irks me too. Other people's flaws are not your responsibility to mediate in order to keep them happy. That's just an abusive relationship on whatever level ---whether on MN or in RL.
dances through the forest attempting to remain oblivious to how nasty people often are
VagNews. 5dpo. No af yet. Tempting fate by saying it, but there you go.

aut you on the soy this month again?

jel yes. It didn't make a difference to ice or lh cycle days this month (unlike last month when it has a big impact) so wondering if maybe ov around cd19 is my natural state. I never ever knew or checked before starting ttc this time around so have no idea of how long my cycle is supposed to be but I am now taking progesterone post-icing and I'm hoping it will keep the temps up! And make a baby. We certainly shagged enough for at least five to be in there if you ask me!

FYI with DC I only knew I was upduffed at seven weeks or so, but in retrospect the giveaway was that I was bone crushingly tired for a few weeks before that. Literally fell asleep at my desk a couple times. So I really sympathise with that! Can't remember sore boobs because I never really paid attention to pregnancy or menstuation type stuff so if I had them it would just have been ignored by my brain as something silly to do with being a girl. The tiredness was way out of the ordinary though and I was drunk king masses of coffee to try to keep awake. Hah! DC seems fine regardless stares intently at 13 month old DC trying to eat the cat's tail and ponders

Does sleeping with your mouth open make your bbt go up or down?

Bfn here as expected, so I'll just take it as a very weird month! Might go to the dr when we get home though. If I continue to pester maybe we'll get somewhere eventually. DH (finally get to write that!) just got home with some milk so expecting a cuppa in bed shortly before I start packing

Thank you all for your support lovely ladies, ttc is much more bearable with you around!

lol at your DC eating the cats tail aut! It is weird this tiredness, I can be fine then do something quite mundane like pop to sainsbury and suddenly bam, i need to sit down because i'm so shattered. We told DP's parents yesterday and his mum said she fell asleep in a cupboard once during her early weeks of pg :)

aut i would recommend trying the b complex if your LP is still really short this cycle (gx it's not because there's an iccle baby in there). I don't know if it was the b complex, invoking LoS or just an act of god that got me upduffed this month but something worked!

janey when (and where) are you off to??

Ha, Jelly, I know what you mean. I will think oh, I feel okay today, I'll just nip to the shop, and then half way there my legs will go all shaky and I have to sit down. Ridiculous. I also have not done any exercise since bfp. Going to try to swim 2 lengths this week as not at work.

aut what a typo!

Bfn and no AF, same as yesterday - and again I'm driving myself crazy looking at the pissy stick. I think what I'm looking at is where the line would go if there was a line - you can see where the dye is supposed to go I think? Is that right? Also it detects 10 whatevers and 5 whatevers is the norm so if I leave it long enough and squint enough I'll make myself see something. Gah

pretzel back away from the stick. Yes you can often see an indent. If you want us to join you in squinting post a pic

pretzel have you tried a FRER?

It's an IC. I've got a FRER but I'm saving it for when I'm not being a loon who is probably imminently going to be menstruating

I'm going to put this in the bin and try to distract myself. Will test again tomorrow in a couple of days if no AF still.

Minihoney arrived safe and well. Thank you for your support!

Country depends how warm or cold your room is. I am a big advocate for vag temping. Very clear pattern seen.

Tomorrow is my birthday so having bff, baby and husband over for "Afternoon Tea". I am making Mary Berry's scones, oat and raisin cookies, chocolate tart, and mini pavlova's, as there will be egg whites left.

Also, DM made me a birthday cake yesterday... Lemon drizzle!

Hello lovelies

Just had a catch up, congrats janey on your wedding.

I've been struggling this weekend, almost as bad as when I had the mc. I am fairly certain that my period was a normal period but that the spotting before was something to do with it all and that infact I've had a chemical pregnancy. DH and I both saw a squinter, v v faint but then the spotting had gotten heavier. My friend also announced her pregnancy, I haven't heard much from her since the mc, and now I know why - we would have been due at the same time.

I'm not sure what that means for ovulation this month.

I had spotting on Friday, slightly more on the Sunday, then full period on Monday. So if I count my period as Monday I'm on CD8, but if I start with the spotting then I'm on CD11. When to start JSIng? I've got some clear blue OVs. When would people start with these?

PS I have a smear test this week and doctors. I've had a bit of pain this last week, and shouldn't still be having pain this long after a mc in feb.

honey it's just my temps gone a bit weird. I'm hoping that it's because u slept with my mouth open last night and not that I had a lh surge buy haven't actually iced :(

Sorry it's all a bit confusing stoat

stoat sorry if it was a CP :( I'd start JS'ing now and carry on, you don't want to miss the eggy being released! :)

country firstly I didn't realise honey slept with you secondly don't panic, my temps were literally all over the shop this month, i was sure it was annov because FF didn't confirm icing etc.

I've got the major munchies today, the diets out the window lol! Oops!

stoat good to hear from u, but very not good ur having such a shit time :(
Hope the dr can put ur mind at ease next week. Look after yourself and try to repair your self with lots of healthy foods (says the girl with stinking cold and af who jusy haf sausage sandwich n bnj for lunch!), rest and distractions

This af is a bit weird, v clotty, bit crampy, meh

stoat sorry you're feeling down. When you start using them depends on your cycle length. I start on cd8.

honey happy birthday! Afternoon tea sounds delish!

Oops that was full of typos :s you knew what I meant you minx!

I'm normally 28, but we're still in miscarriage fucked it all up land. So who knows...