It is the goat jazz we seek, but the twee monitors have too much opinion on getting between the sheets, sexpests writing notes we may be, but at least the bins go out! We're all praying our uterus won

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 44 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2359579-Viroids-get-your-Miroid-to-stick-his-manjo-in-your-fanjo-and-the-jizz-bombs-will-go-off-Theyre-famous-for-their-super-support-and-butter-fannys-there-will-be-BFPS-its-JSing-44?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

jel do you need a theme? i think if you're having to try to think of one then maybe it's not the way to go (unless the problem is you have too many to choose from) ... I'm making a weddign cake for a cinema/film-themed wedding later this year - the couple met when they worked at a cinema and sitll love films etc so it works for htem, and was obvious immediately (have def outed myself if anyone knows me)

we had no real theme for our wedding - maybe a vague music festival feel, but we just went with what we wanted adn loved, so lots of music 7 bands, no seating plans, v informal meal, no colour scheme (some people were aghast at this!), camping for those that wanted it etc...dont think we'd change a thing

Had a really good chat with DP last night. I confessed all about my contraband because he had been saying just relax and go with it and I was worried he'd feel under pressure if I told him about wanting to use open. I said this is my way of doing it and it's just how I tick and I know your way is more laid back but I'm not putting you under pressure I'm just approaching it the way that makes me happy (and excited!). And he totally understood that and was like "I thought you'd do that anyway! Actually I thought you'd be doing temp charts and all sorts as well!" bloody man knows me so well haha. Sorry for long post.

Opks not 'open'! Feeling much happier now we've had that talk anyway. Like we're really on the same page and understand how the other is feeling about it :)

My right boob and ovary hurt today. Gad. Why must my body be such a shit!

Great news Pretzel! Such a relief to be able to say "Oi! Shaaaag! Naaaaaaw!" waynetta voice and them know you're not as mental as you sound.

Yes, jelly me. I'm on hols still but my phone has found Internet and I couldn't resist a squizz at the threads. I did take it against all the brilliant advice I got because I'm a stubborn old mule It brought forward a positive opk by four days and ovulation by six days from cd25 to cd19. I am now 7 dpo and no AF yet which is an improvement on my five day LP for the last four cycles. I'm xg that I make it to 9dpo at least! That would be unbelievably awesome. So I'm thinking it did something.
I've continued taking B6 (and B12) as I also did previous cycle, fwiw.
Sorry, total cuntraband on the opk and supplement shit. And sorry for no comments on other posts right now. Me me me. Will catch up next week when home again.

jelly our theme was English meets French as DH is half-french and I feel it is my mother country, yet we are both English, so we picked something that meant something to us, but very broad.

Trees are a great theme, and really easy. Great table names, easy to decorate and make nice invites.

Some of the work I do is graphic design so if you want to see the tree invites I made for my friends wedding then please just shout, but there are lots of great ideas online if you google 'wedding invitation tree'

Top POAMFFRER!!!

Aux that sounds really positive, I'm pleased it's working for you!

jelly wedding planning sounds so exciting! I'm sorry I can't contribute anything more productive as we aren't married :) just got asked today to be a witness at my close friend's wedding so happy happy!

Gouda! Get thee any kind of stick to pee on! Even a CB

Fantastic news your body's back in business, Ain

Jelly with those colours an autumn wedding would be wonderful! But I agree, yellow and orange flowers, lots of greenery in the bouquets/table pieces. Can you persuade your BMs to dress in orange or will you go for a nice sage green and off set with orange in the flowers? Name your tables after types of trees if you're into them? I love weddings :)

thanks for all the ideas ladies!! :) I think i'm warming to orange more and more, i'll probs go shopping with my BM's and see if orange works as a color, and then go from there! It's very stressful exciting!

lemon i've seen some amazing designs online for tree's (i seems a popular theme) but i'd love to see the invites you did :) I also have seen those finger print tree's for guests that look really cute.

aux glad it helped you this month, maybe i'll look into it next cycle then, because if i extended my LP by even 2 days i'd be a happy bunny.

Oh and thank you honey, yes exactly!!

jelly - what about orange trees. Two with one stick type thing.

Quick query on the POAS protocol - I've already missed the morning wee. I thought that meant I couldn't do a test until tomorrow now. I've seen that you can technically not go to the loo for five hours and then do one, but that is impossible for me. It's only been 90 mins since I last went, and I feel like I already need to go again!!

well i'm no expert gouda but if you are upduffed i reckon a fairly sensitive test could work anytime, as long as you haven't been drinking masses.

did you get a 2-pack? i'd do one now-ish and then if bfn/faint you've got one for fmu. i did my fist around lunctime (boots non-digi) and it was crystal clear

frequent weeing = symptom?!...sorry to fuel the crazy

I could be wrong but I thought if you were past the point of when AF is due it shouldn't matter when you pee?

Seriously where has top gone?!

you should still try and use FMU if your tests aren't sensitive (so if you can't get 10miu tests, only 25).

So I went to the pharmacist and found a test sensitive to 20miu. Most were 25miu - wtf make tests with such a minor difference??

Anyway, so I took it when I got home (held my piss for two hours), and the test bit came up blank. Felt a little confused, but kind of slightly devastated as well.

Then I went back to it two minutes later and there was a faint line.

It's faint, but definitely visible. DH could see it too, so I am not just insane.

My heart is going so fast it's crazy. Now I've got a positive test (!!!!!!!!!!!) I have moved to paranoia about ectopics and miscarriages I know a number of people have experienced unsticky beans, so I'm really sorry if that sounds insensitive.

So stats:

Today is cd27 of an average 25 day cycle. According to my app, my fertile days were between the 10th and the 16th. We shagged on the 10th, 12th, 14th and 17th. Ovulation was apparently on the 15th. Oh we did shag last weekend or something as well, so 23rd or whatnot, but not sure that counts really!

Symptoms:

Boobs are fine, but nipples have been getting a little more sensitive (not noticeable until touched). My DH has been complaining that I've been getting more tired recently and wanting to go to bed earlier than him, which I hadn't noticed, tbh.

For a few days before my AF was due I was fucking hungry man. So fucking hungry. I normally don't give a shit about food, but basically I was either starving, full, or feeling nauseous. Those were the only three possible combos. Er...I have been getting more cm than usual the last few days (I don't normally get much if any at all).

Also...I've been pretty off wine and cigarettes recently (I haven't smoked at all today, even before the test). Normally wine is like catnip to me in the evenings, but for the last week I just haven't been interested. Ditto cigarettes. I'd start smoking one, then just put it out half way through. Again, very unusual for me.

lol, all these things I've been doing in the tww.....wine, fags, goats cheese (normally cooked though tbf), that weird and tasty italian ham you're not allowed to eat...coffee....green tea.

Yeah.

Shit.

congrats gouda :) what cycle number is this for you? useless memory here. have you got a piccy of the line?

This is our 4/5th cycle.

I just snuck off to take a pic and DH would think I had lost the plot if he saw me taking a picture of it!!

Congrats gouda even I can see that's a freaking line!

that doesn't look faint to me, it looks bloody positive :) huge congrats!

YAY! gouda and 10/10 for the summary, stats and symptoms :)

lovely to start the bank hol weekend with some jolly good news. sounds like you had some classic, though subtle symptoms.

now put your feet up and get DH to fetch you beverages and biscuits

(ps most instrucitons do say wait 2mins i think...it takes time for the wee to absorb up the stick to the indicator)

Jeez woman, that's not a faint line, it's a bloody amazing line! Congrats!

Thanks! Incredibly happy and it feels a bit like a dream. I'm quite worried about some back pain I seem to be having though. I'll just have to keep my fingers crossed.

Oh I forgot a symptom - constipation! It's been really tough recently!! I'm not completely blocked up, but it's been difficult to coax anything out.

Lovely image.

I've got a cup of hot water and lemon. Apparently everything else we have in the kitchen is unsuitable!

gouda try not to worry, backpain is a good sign for a lot of people. worrying and stressing will do more harm to you and your bean

Thanks Jelly!

Hopefully this is a sign of a positive thread for everyone! I am a bit suspicious that Topiary hasn't been back as well......