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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Viroids get your Miroid to stick his manjo in your fanjo and the jizz-bombs will go off! They're famous for their super support (and butter fannys), there will be BFPS...it's JSing 44!!

999 replies

Hobbit19 · 19/04/2015 22:27

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

  1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
  2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
  3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
  4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
  5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo


ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2349170-Our-new-greeting-cards-are-here-Were-making-vaginal-butter-and-baking-in-a-sneaky-shag-from-behind-Our-skittletits-cant-hold-us-back-its-JSing-43?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found [www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies? HERE]]

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9
SockQueen · 24/04/2015 08:56

lil I've had the blood taken already, getting the results today. Looking for PCOS, prolactin, thyroid, anaemia, any kind of reason why I am currently almost 100 days without a regular period!

goodnessgraciousgouda · 24/04/2015 09:23

sock - bloody hell. Good luck with the blood tests. I hope it turns out to be something very simple and hugely treatable, so you can get cracking shortly!

Five days left until AF is due. Does anyone else get really nervous at a certain time before AF is due? For me it always seems to be five days before. Even if the rest of the time I am actually quite relaxed.

Anyone else?? Every now and then I swear I can hear that count down timer they used to have on "24"....

It's happened every month so far, and yet it still surprises me.

Clearly if I was a mouse I would be the type that never learns, and repeatedly keeps trying to eat the electrocuted cheese for like, seven hours.

goodnessgraciousgouda · 24/04/2015 09:24

God knows if any of that makes sense. I haven't had coffee yet.

CarrotPuff · 24/04/2015 09:30

I'm not saying epidurals are evil and should be banned, and women should labour in pain at all costs. Sometimes you just need it - like in Sky's case to have a break. I also have a friend who would not progress beyond 3cm until they put epidural in - she was fully dilated within half an hour! She simply wasn't able to relax before that.

All I wanted to say is that MWs try to dissuade from having an epi not because they are heartless bitches. And probably not because they are trying to save NHS money either. They know it's an intervention and could lead to more interventions. Because they see this every day. So they are trying to act in the best interests of mum and baby.

Of course it sometimes goes a bit too far. But the line between encouraging to have a natural delivery and pushing it as an absolute must is very fine. At the end of the day, they are humans, probably with their own biases and opinions too. Doesn't make it easier if you have a traumatic birth though.

I think the issue here is when women go into labour expecting drugs straight away. Yes, each to their own and it's their choice. But this has to be an informed choice. And I've seen threads on here when someone goes to hospital knowing they'll get drugs but then epi fails. And G&A is taken away at the pushing stage. And they are asking why. Doesn't look like they've done their research.

And I do think you should have a go drugs free first and see how you manage first. Tooth ache comparison simply doesn't work here. Because pain in labour is telling you something is happening - like tooth ache - but it is also telling you what to do. What is the optimal position, when to push. Of course you should have an epi if you feel you can't cope anymore.

If I was 5cm instead of 9 when they examined me I would have asked for one, because I felt that I couldn't cope anymore. Luckily for me it was a sign that the end is in sight.

It doesn't make you a hero if you labour drugs free. It doesn't make you less of a mum if you have an epi, forceps, CS, etc. The ultimate aim is for mum and baby to be safe and healthy. How you get to the other side doesn't matter that much. But we all want smooth and straightforward labours, don't we? IMO doing your research and be open minded about it is part of the success.

Sorry that was long. I hope you all have an exciting weekend ahead.

CarrotPuff · 24/04/2015 09:36

just yay for jizz! Star for your miroid too!

Sock that sucks. I hope they find out what's going on.

Gouda that's interesting. I've never noticed a particular day myself. I think it's the last week of twot of crazy symptom spotting!

No shag again. I've let it go though. Should have enough jizz from previous shags. But I might refuse DP's advances today because I'm a revengeful bitch

goodnessgraciousgouda · 24/04/2015 09:36

Speaking of gas and air, has anyone had it before? I had to have it after an accident once and it was horrible!! It basically just makes you feel like you are totally hammered and completely out of it. You know when you're totally drunk and your brain just doesn't work properly, and you have to really concentrate to do anything? It was like that.

It doesn't surprise me they have to take it away at the pushing stage - I imagine lots of people would otherwise just be lying there like "Urgh I don't care....where are my socks....who am I...."

CarrotPuff · 24/04/2015 09:41

Yes I had it. I actually had it only at pushing stage, but then I guess I wasn't using it at inappropriate times, so they left it. First time I felt dizzy and spaced out, but then it was ok. Tbh I don't think it did much for me, it's more of an distraction (when you need it) than pain relief.

Lookingforadvice123 · 24/04/2015 09:47

Sorry everyone I'm interrupting the intelligent debate with my whining...but I'm DYING to poas today! Af not due til Sunday. Please someone give me a virtual slap over the head!

LaLaLaaaa · 24/04/2015 09:48

unlurks to issue much needed hooyah to looking

Hooyah!!!!

CarrotPuff · 24/04/2015 10:08

Hooyah Looking! Ask OH to hide all sticks till Monday morning (or possibly longer).

honeysucklejasmine · 24/04/2015 10:17

Looking no! There's nothing more soul destroying than seeing a bfn. If it does become a bfp then that bfp will be there on Sunday, when you're due. In the meanwhile, don't spend the next few days staring at a negative tests, torturing yourself.

Lookingforadvice123 · 24/04/2015 10:23

Argh thank you Viroids! Just what I needed. I haven't bought any tests, plan was to buy one Sat PM (if no spotting to indicate AF is on her way!) to test Sun AM. MUST STICK TO THE PLAN!!!!!!

goodnessgraciousgouda · 24/04/2015 10:35

looking - HOOYAH!!

That said, if a negative test wouldn't really upset you, and if you were planning on drinking at the weekend, then I think two days early is not horrendously bad!

If you would feel really despondant though then definitely wait!!!

boddess14 · 24/04/2015 10:37

Hi ladies

Can I just say... wow! How fab to find a thread that are so down to earth. I'm totally new to this thread. I've been stalking threads on babycentre and it's so refreshing to see some normal people.

A bit about me... I've been obsessing for 4 months now. I had a miscarriage/suspected PUL in early March and am now back on the proverbial horse.

I REALLY need a slap in the face. Need to stop peeing on things obsessively!

Hope you don't mind a newbie on your thread but I really loved the title and wanted to be part of the action!

xxx

5hell · 24/04/2015 10:50

bod welcome and hooyah (as requested)
we never obsess or POAS too much here (ha!) so hopefully we can help change your habbits (ha!)

looking as others have said (unless you're going out for a massie sesh) step away from the pissy sticks...pissing late and getting a nice stong line is much more satisfying than getting a real squinter and still not being really sure

I found having no pissy sticks in the house helps a lot

5hell · 24/04/2015 10:51

hmmm... massie?! perhaps a massive and messy sesh?! Grin

ChatEnOeuf · 24/04/2015 10:55

Hooyah! Looking, unless you're planning on a large glass or few of Wine tonight then don't do it!

Welcome Bod Smile

Sock hope the bloods offer some fixable insight.

Sky that sounds epic - glad your DD is ok.

I've had an epidural, post spinal surgery. Excellent pain relief but not without issues and it's blind as to where the drugs go, so you may end up mobile, you may not. I've also had gas and air - for the last 5 mins and suturing last time. Sure it must have done something, but all I can remember is my feet tingling Confused

maemay · 24/04/2015 11:37

Welcome Bod :)

So AF/POAS-day is due next weekend, and I will be out of the country visiting a friend. The question is do I take some pissy sticks with me, or wait until back, so I can share the news with DH straight away?? if indeed there IS any news to share!

Lookingforadvice123 · 24/04/2015 11:37

Thanks all. I'm planning on having a couple tomorrow night at a wedding - but really only a couple.

On a much, much sadder note, a friend has just found out that her sister's baby has died at 34 weeks. There are no words. Me obsessing over being pg or not in cycle 1 is so stupid in comparison.

LaLaLaaaa · 24/04/2015 11:40

Morning viroids!

I realised I never said hi to sea - hi sea! waves

Hi to you also bod waves again merrily

Welcome!

I've just updated your stats sheet with newbies - you can update it yourselves whenever you want. I realise though the link has probably been lost somewhere in previous pages so here it is again

How are you all?

well done looking on your restraint - admirable! I'd have totally caved ;)

Good luck all offers preggers belly to rub for luck

LaLaLaaaa · 24/04/2015 11:41

looking that's devastating how awful for her :(

SockQueen · 24/04/2015 12:48

Well, that was all depressingly nondescript, really. GP didn't seem bothered by any of the results; I think they may possibly point towards PCOS (slightly higher than normal testosterone, LH:FSH ratio about 3) though he wasn't convinced. Prolactin, thyroid function and blood count all normal. Have been referred for an ultrasound, and depending on the results of that may end up going to either gynaecology or endocrinology.

So I'm going to wait for the ultrasound appointment, and in the interim try to lose some weight (BMI currently around 34 - I know, bad Sock!), do some more exercise and start revising for my next bastarding exam at the end of June. If I do have a period at some point then I might crack out the OPKs for the cycle afterwards and do some more serious JS-ing just on the off chance it might work...

fallenstar27 · 24/04/2015 12:51

looking that's awful. I can't even imagine the pain they're in.

Hi bod Smile

mae I'd not take any with you, poas when you're back home is my two cents.

fallenstar27 · 24/04/2015 12:54

Sorry you didn't get a definitive answer sock Sad

honeysucklejasmine · 24/04/2015 13:04

Welcome Bod!

Sock that sucks! Hope the appointment comes through quickly.

Looking how awful. Sad

One of my clients is sick so I am killing time. Very tedious.

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