Viroids get your Miroid to stick his manjo in your fanjo and the jizz-bombs will go off! They're famous for their super support (and butter fannys), there will be BFPS...it's JSing 44!!

[Hobbit19]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2349170-Our-new-greeting-cards-are-here-Were-making-vaginal-butter-and-baking-in-a-sneaky-shag-from-behind-Our-skittletits-cant-hold-us-back-its-JSing-43?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found [www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies? HERE]]

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

XP - with you, Sunshine. I've seen too many sick ones to risk HB or decline induction. Of course it's your right to choose, but please don't presume the medical team are forcing something upon you for their own convenience! I genuinely think some babies won't come when they are ready - they haven't all read the textbook.

Mae I've heard great things about hypnobirthing, even though I'm incredibly sceptical of anything with such a daft name. Seems to be all about positive thinking, breathing exercises and remaining calm. I'd definitely give it a go. If it doesn't work there are still other options for pain relief.

Several of my friends have gone down the hypnobirthing route and had really positive birthing experiences. I think it has an unfortunate name and puts people off, but is a really lovely way to learn about what your body is going to do so you don't panic. I think it also involves the father so they don't feel helpless during labour. I am well up for giving it a shot.

I had a water birth at home last year for my dc1. It was good. I think the water relaxed me and being at home with the cat dh and my own environment really helped me feel, well, interested in it and safe. In control of one thing at a least and that's my physical surroundings. And best of all was just rolling into bed afterwards -and trying to figure out this fooking latching thing and having tea from my own cups just the way I liked it. I had a midwife I liked too luckily and luckily too no complications. but hospital was ten minutes' drive away in case and I wouldn't have done it at home if I was high risk obviously. I can recommend it to people. It was still sore obviously and knackering and your fanjo hurts like hell dripped its own stomache acid onto your labia, afterwards but I kinda liked the whole experience specifically because I was at home and bouyed by water. Fwiw.

Go lil with your lunchtime shag!!

Hope everyone has had a decent day, with or without lunch time shags!

I had an exciting one - I was a participant in a research project! I was interviewed about my experiences of my miscarriage. It felt really good to tell my story. If anyone is interested, more details here

www.ucl.ac.uk/anthropology/people/research_staff/s_kilshaw/miscarriage-project

They are still looking for participants if anyone is in London/Oxfordshire way and has had a mc recently.

I'm gonna order my fertility monitor in a bit, I think I might have a short month this month, after last month's 9 days of the world falling out of my vagine this month has been a lot lighter. I might book us a cheeky couple of nights away.

Ooh stoat that's awesome! Looks really interesting!

Sat here eating some left over chocolate coins from christmas i've just found in a little used drawer (we wanted to hide them from DD and forgot!) and wanted to chuck in my opinion.
Water birth - I was in the pool at the midwife centre - it was bloody lovely. In fact so bloody lovely that labour slowed right down, no progress, tiring out rapidly and ended up in a cascade of interventions. All worked out well in the end, and I would still recommend it if you have the option.
Hypnobirthing - our health authority does some free classes that are a sort of light version of hypnobirthing. All about how to find your own way to relax during labour, how to deal with contractions and to stay focused. Lovely classes - towards the end of pregnancy I had a habit of just about dropping off during them. I suspect at a subconscious level they did help during labour but I maintain that the biggest plus point was that hour every week when I could just relax!

stoat lovely to hear you sounding so much more positive :)

I've also had a few friends recommend hypnobirthing (one who's quite an earth mother and one who had quite a traumatic first birth and wanted to feel more in control second time round - both thoroughly recommend) so will hopefully give it a go one day

also, who recommended glow ... just ?
I love it, it's very easy to use and has some interesting tips etc (although I think it's a bit confused by my endless spotting at the mo)

Yes it was me, I love glow!

I have always imagined myself giving birth at home with it all calm and lovely and then jumping limping into my own bed after. I'm not they set on anything though, I'll decide when I have to, if I EVER get upduffed with my constant lack of jizz. Shagged last night and tonight and nothing. I hate it, had a sneaky cry in the loo after and then have to pretend it doesn't matter so it doesn't put more pressure on him

Thanks 5hell I need more days like this. How have you been?

I'm not sure about glow. I received the email advertising the app for men. It said about not eating bacon as it reduces chances! I can't DH that, he'll not stick around!

I didn't find Ovia great with my mc, pissed me off to be honest. I'd moved to the pregnancy app and when I went to the fertility app, it didn't really seem to be able to register that I'd been pregnant but not stay pregnant. Annoying or maybe operator error. Who knows.

I strongly suspect I will stamp my feet for a c section supposing I get up duffed. I have a fear of childbirth but that said, the mc seems to have kicked that into touch and when I was choosing my mc management, I warned something natural-ish...so we will see.

Oh just! you poor love

Do we have an equivalent of a hooyah for miroids?

(That wasn't for your miroid just, just in general....)

Continuing the epidural subject...

Dentist example is a bad one. A dental anaesthetic does just that - takes away the pain. Epidural, OTOH, as lil said, can slow down labour, potentially leading to further interventions. Not even mentioning that more often than not, you will be on the bed flat on your back which is not good. Pushing baby out whilst on your back increases chances of tearing, as you are working against gravity and putting extra pressure on the perineum.

Why should a woman "try" to endure pain, when we never ask anyone else to do it under any other circumstances?

Because labour pain is good. Pain is the body's way of communicating with us. It hurts more in certain positions. So your body is telling you to move. I had to lie down during examination which was excruciating. DS's heart rate also dropped while I was on my back. I wouldn't have felt it if I had an epidural in. And the MWs probably would have picked up the dropping heart rate so would be keen to get him out Asap. When all that was needed just to change a position.

Of course if it hurts like hell and you feel like you can't do it anymore then go for it. But I think so many women these days actually forget that it's supposed to hurt.

Anyone considering water birth - go for it. It's amazing. And if you don't get on with it, you can always get out of the pool.

And I would recommend hypnobirthing (hypnotic hinge???) too. I haven't done it myself but my brain just transported itself to some parallel universe itself. I was so calm the MWs didn't think I was in active labour until I asked them to examine me and I was 9cm

Sorry for an epic mega essay. I'm a bit tipsy and it's an emotional subject!

carrot - I don't think pain is ever "good" - it's a sign that the body telling you that some serious shit is going down. That's the same whether it's your body telling you "you are ready to have this baby now" or "this tooth is infected and you need to do something about it".

Labour only potentially slows down if you stay in one position for a long time. You can get alternative epidural (walking epidurals) which allow for a lot more movement.

Basically I think the absolute MOST important thing for a woman during labour is for the woman involved to feel SAFE and as if she has an iota of control as to what is happening. If hypno birthing does that for one woman, then awesome. If getting a skinful of drugs the moment the pain becomes too much does it for another woman, then awesome. What I personally dislike is the judgement that comes - most notably and most sadly - from other women.

I've known a ton of people swear blind that they weren't going to have an epidural, and ended up screaming for one a few hours down the line, and I've known women basically tell the doctors to get one ready for them when they arrive when they've only just gone into labour. They should not get even one iota less respect than women that give birth without them.

I guess the subject has somewhat irked me, as I've had birth notifications which go something like:

"Baby X was born naturally on X date at X time with no pain relief...etc"

Dude I'm super happy you and the baby are doing well, but feeling the need to smugly proclaim your act of martyrdom by forsaking pain relief makes you seem like an arse.

Gouda by "without trying" I meant first time mothers who go in wanting an epidural from the first contraction just because they are afraid of what nature intended and without actually considering the risks.

and I agree pain is good for the reason someone said its bad! if you block the pain you can't know when something is wrong. pain is an important communication tool. I refuse to take painkillers for my back because I know I'll over stretch or something similarly stupid and make it worse if the painkillers block the pain.

to be clear, I am absolutely pro choice, so long as the woman is well informed. I myself hate the idea but also wouldn't rule it out if it was best for me and my baby.

I like the idea of home birth, my DM had my 2youngest dbs at home, but personally I'd feel it was too risky and would rather be at the hospital. but again its personal choice.

I also intend to not be on my back!

now to actually get pg so this actually matters!

can't remember who asked, but dh and I are both self employed and usually both work from home. don't think la's law will apply tbh. no signs of icing here

Moaning on here seems to be my lucky charm....jizz! is one of you dp in disguise? If you are then put the kettle on

I was in labor for 53 hours. They gave me an epidural so I could sleep a few hours then push again. 12 hours later DD was born by ventouse. She and I were both exhausted. I nearly had 3 emergency c sections in that time and DD was not breathing when she was born. IMHO they didn't intervene soon enough. I wanted early intervention because every woman in my family has had a very dangerously difficult birth yet the midwives ignored my requests and pressured me to deliver naturally. I am still pissed off 5 years later.

wow sky that really is extreme! thank God your dd was ok!

glad you got more jizz just!!

I did have an epidural, but it wasn't really a fully informed decision in a good place. I had been coping amazingly (if I do say so myself!) With just keeping mobile and my giant birthing ball. It was when they put me on my back for monitoring and then induction that it all went tits up. I'm another that feels intervention didn't come quick enough and this time round I will be having a birth plan, unfortunately it will be full of "don't you dare do X to me again" ;)

Morning all! It's sunny and lovely out there! I've got some great kids on the books today and then it's the weekend! We're going to an American theme restaurant with my PIL for FIL birthday on Saturday. If something has "BBQ" written in the name, it's going to get eaten.

Think I shall make a healthy lunch to take with me today. I eat in a National Trust car park on Fridays. Beautiful views across the Chilterns.

DH reckons I have "visibly" lost weight but scales don't agree. Could be the aquarobics? Muscle toning and all? It's proper hard work.

On epidural subject... I hope I don't find the pain too bad as I am uses to horrendous cramping etc. Crowning scares me, but not contractions. I'll see how it goes. Psychologically, a family member is paralysed, so to do it to myself, on purpose, albeit temporarily, seems a bit perverse.

Have a great day, all!

She turned out alright in the end!

sky god that sounds like utter hellishness. I'm so glad it all worked out in the end!!

Sorry I disappeared for the last couple of days - completely manic days at work plus ill DH left no time for mumsnetting. Off to the doctors this morning to get blood results - wish me luck please!

As for epidurals, my job makes me biased and I know I see a skewed portion of the labouring women population, but I'm generally in favour if it's wanted/needed. They aren't without their problems, but they are enormously helpful for lots of women who really aren't finding the labour pain "good." Whether I'd have one myself would depend entirely on how things are going on the day.

I've always thought that one solid argument for an epidural I'd that if you did end up needing a Cs at least the epidural would already be done!!!

sock what blood tests are you getting? good luck!!